it’s so hard to say goodbye

I’ve been largely ignoring the fact that this is my last week at work – all the preparations for the upcoming London trip took over, and I buried myself in logistics and making sure I’m taking enough low-cut dresses to offend the entire British Empire. However, yesterday afternoon it kind of hit me for the first time .. this is my last day. I’m leaving this afternoon, and I’m not coming back. It doesn’t seem real, even with all my desk toys and posters and endless Diet Coke cups gone. Everything has felt like regular vacation preparation: finalizing deliverables, handing off projects, sprinkling wisdom like candy giblets amongst the children of the corn .. but it’s not temporary, and I won’t be taking my work back when we return from London. This is it. This chapter is finished, and everyone will move on without me.

That’s probably the hardest part, too. I’m just egomaniacal enough to want my co-workers to throw their hands up in despair and wail at the thought of a future without me, but I know that is ridiculous. It’s been hard to let go, and harder to hear talk of my replacement(s), and hardest of all to hear plans on how they’re going to try and fix the things that are broken. I can’t help but be sad over that – if people had tried to fix things six months ago, I’d still be here. It sucks to hear all the effort to fix things NOW, but maybe I can take some small solace in being a catalyst for that change. I wasn’t just idly complaining, but seriously trying to fix things and being cockblocked at every turn until I had to give up the good fight for my own sanity, healthy, and happiness. Some days I feel like I took the easy way out, especially during weeks like this – it’s been quiet, fun, and productive at work. However, there’s a very pointed reason for the calm: the cause of all the problems (and the reason I quit) has been on vacation all week, and without his interference, we’re accomplishing things and doing great work. A vacation doesn’t last forever, though, and when he returns, I’d be just as badly off .. worse, in fact.

I don’t need to worry about it anymore, but it’ll take some time for my rage to subside. I didn’t WANT to quit. I loved this job. I am still angry about the gaslighting and abuse. That may never go away, but I am going to try to push it down the emotional ladder .. and three weeks in Europe will probably help. In fact, I’m sure of it.

Deep breath. I’m almost done. Time to remember all the good – like the amazing people I’m leaving behind, who made me in Lego form:

accurate down to the tattoos and diet coke (they told me they weren't able to make the cleavage bigger) :D

accurate right down to the tattoos and diet coke (there are limits to the amount of cleavage lego can have) :D


popsicles are my new jam

If you know me in meatspace and are not afraid to eat food prepared in my kitchen, it would be in your best interest to develop a sudden overwhelming desire for frozen treats.

I’ve decided that I am All About making popsicles. Not the boring juice-in-freezer kind, but Upscale Fancy Pops that require power tools and ingredients found deep in Alps at dawn on Tuesday mornings when the temperature soars above 15C and sniffed out by a Argentinian donkey named after Neil Gaiman. Rare ingredients. I am all about them.

I got up early this morning (I may have OD’d on sleep yesterday) and made two batches of test pops: Vanilla Elderflower, and Toasted Coconut Cream. They won’t be ready for tasting for many hours, so in the meantime I’m gathering ingredients (by donkey) for the next two recipes to try: Lime Pie and Sugar Pumpkin. I will need people to eat these pops, because I want to try them all but I cannot possibly eat an entire batch to free up my molds. This is a serious problem, and one that can be solved by YOU.

The silence coming from this corner of the internet belies the activity swirling around me on a daily basis. Among the things I meant to write about but ran out of time/forgot/was too busy drinking Jägerbombs wrong are:

  • Ed and I went to a Footballs game last Saturday, courtesy of work. It was my first football game ever, I had no idea what was going on, and I want the orange vinyl boots the cheerleaders wear but Sam won’t let me get any. It was also my first time inside BC Place since the upgrades (I don’t sports often), and it is very nice inside. I like.
  • For the last two Fridays, I’ve been out drinking with coworkers to say goodbye as everybody leaves me for greener (literal and metaphorical) pastures. Last Friday was the worst, and I almost cried several times. I hate goodbyes, and two of my favourites just left: Monday is going to suck because they’re gone and because I think I left the tequila open on my desk, and next Friday is going to suck when we do it all over again to say goodbye to an additional 6 people. I’ve also heard some extremely disturbing rumours that management is planning on moving me away from my hard-earned new desk over to a terrible desk in the Sales area, and I am kind of pissed about that: do you have any idea how many people I had to kill to sit where I am now? MANY. Don’t move me, damnit.
  • I obeyed the law on Tuesday, and doing so RUINED MY LIFE.
  • I had to take the written test again to renew my learner’s license, but now I can ride Lola as long as I have an adult accompanying me and it is daylight out and I go slow like snails. Luckily, I don’t have to wait to take my parking lot test: I can do that right away, and my road test soon after. If nothing else, getting that enormous ticket (which I still haven’t paid – hey, anyone want to buy some Fancy Pops?) spurred me into action – with a little Energon and a lot of luck, I may be completely legal mid-August. That would be super.
  • We went swimming on Thursday night, for the first time in FOREVER (more specifically, since Cuba). It was so much fun, and I saw a tiny version of me. More swimming needs to happen; perhaps even some Night Swimming. 1992, I will relive you yet.

Today I need to .. do stuff. I had a game plan, but I appear to have forgotten it. Does anyone remember what I wanted to do today? Other than impatiently wait for popsicles to freeze? For some reason I think it had something to do with pants, which is strange as I do not wear pants. Maybe burning some pants? That must be it. To the fire pit!