I’m a little worried that this week is going to take a lot out of me, but also put a bunch of things into me. I’m not exactly sure what I was thinking when I booked an INVASIVE MEDICAL PROCEDURE the day before I start a motorcycle riding course, but here we are: on Wednesday, I will be having my expired IUD extracted and a new one installed, and on Thursday I begin a safety riding course with ProRide. Also, I have an aquarium date scheduled for Wednesday evening. And an early-morning webinar on Thursday. Basically, all kinds of important things happening at a time that, historically speaking, I will be incapacitated with shock and awe. From the hardware upgrade. In my vagina.
I’m tired just thinking about this week, but that may just be because Monday.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m still angry and not planning on taking it for much longer. However, my unusually heightened emotional state of the past week may have had a little more to do with womanly hysteria than I was willing to admit: it seems I was full of the PMS. I never recognize the symptoms until I have visual confirmation, because I’ve basically forgotten how to period thanks to my superhuman delayed cycle. Instead of 5 days of fun every 4 weeks, I get one day every 18 months .. so I think I can be forgiven for not realizing when I’ve gone insane because of hormones instead of just regular insane because of stress.
To be fair, things are really lousy outside my uterus, too. The ongoing situation at work has given me stress cysts in awkward places, and one fucking ruptured today. There’s something wrong with my throat: it feels as though something’s stuck in my esophagus, and I’m constantly trying to force the nothing out which makes my gag reflex go into overdrive and then I panic a little because I can’t breathe. The stuck-in-throat feeling has been going on for about a week now, but over the last two days it’s been really problematic. If it keeps up for much longer, I’m going to have to go to the doctor. Trying to self-diagnose did no good at all, because the internet says I have several kinds of throat cancer and pregnancy, so I’m freaking out about that too. I need a haircut and a vacation. I’m worried/keyed up/excited/terrified about the future. I started biting my nails again. Work is .. complicated and disappointing. Those Prada Candy commercials are weird and dumb. My face hurts.
So there’s all that stuff, and I feel bad for complaining. Throw it all in a blender and shed a surprise uterine lining or two, and BAM: tears everywhere. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
If change is coming, I sure hope it gets here soon.