Monthly Archives: October 2008

defective beanstalk

Posted in angst by

I am Freaking Out, Man.

I am dangerously close to creating nicknames for things at work and turning it all into another fairy tale ala Cinderella (the original Space Station) and Pinocchio (the second Space Station). When that happens, things are bad.

But things aren’t bad, really. I still like my job and the company and the people I work with. These days I’m incredibly stressed out, but it has nothing to do with my ACTUAL job – I’ve somehow been sucked into this enormous blob-like project that is an all-encompassing black hole of catastrophe. I’m a technical writer, yet I’m running around like a fucking headless chicken trying to fix everything that’s wrong – and I don’t know how I got into this.

I have this weird super power that allows me to not only look at the Big Picture but very quickly adapt to whatever is missing from the chains of command. Okay, managers do that – great. Unfortunately, I don’t stop there – if something is broken, I will figure out how to fix it .. and then I will do it. Oh, I try to delegate – hey Bob, this isn’t working as it’s supposed to, can you fix it? But then Bob doesn’t fix it and he’s too busy so I end up learning how to tinker with the programming myself so I don’t have to wait until Bob is free. Multiply that times many, and I am now doing the work of four separate departments and trying to manage it all at the same time because clearly that is what I should be doing as a technical writer and trainer. Clearly.

Seriously, how did I get sucked into this project?

One thing that drastically differs from the fairy tale romances of the past is at least people are realizing that I am saving the day and are thanking me for it. That is new. I enjoy it.

In the end though, I really wish the tools would work as they’re supposed to and our warehouse would do things logically and follow my damn processes and that I didn’t have to jump into things halfway through and attempt to follow the tangled yarn through to the end.

I don’t *like* being stressed out. It makes everything else in my life seem overwhelming and daunting. When I get like this, everything clenches and things bother me: I don’t want to be touched, I don’t want people to ask me things, I don’t want to make plans. Things I was looking forward to see like an insurmountable hassle – like this weekend. I volunteered to help with the registration for the Thriller Dance and have to be at Kits Beach by 9am, but OH MAN WHAT A HASSLE IT IS TO GET UP AND PUT ON PAAAANTS. We’re going to Fright Night on Friday and I have to buy tickets but it is TOO MUCH WORK TO PRESS THOSE BUTTONS AND PRINT OUT THE TICKETS. So on and so forth – these are fun things, but right now I’m all whiny about them. I’m going to a hockey game on Saturday night, but OH MAN SITTING IN THE SEATS FOR THREE HOURS IS TOO HARD not to mention GETTING TO GM PLACE and FIGHTING THROUGH THE CROWD TO SKYTRAIN HOME. It’s all very difficult, and thinking about it gives me enormous ass marbles.

I will now take some deep breaths, and think about kittens.

bending over, apparently

Posted in everyday kimli by

Josh says: was the process broken
Mad Scientist Kimli says: it’s ill thought out
Mad Scientist Kimli says: came from an accountant
Mad Scientist Kimli says: so it’s aggressively anal
Josh says: speaking of agressive anal
Josh says: what are you doing tonight

horrible faux pas

Posted in science by

We have a temp in the office whose name we shall say is Mildred Whire. Mildred needed access to a certain database, so I created an account for her as she was standing over me watching (as I was trying to show her how to find some information).

I created her an account in the name of Mildred Whore.

Now I feel bad.

Oops.

please hammer totally hurt ’em

Posted in adventure, medical anomaly by

If ever there was a time when parachute pants and gold lamé were the lesser of two evils, it would be now. For some, Hammer Time is a nostalgic look back at things you can or cannot touch, coupled with a healthy dose of early 90’s (and I mean early – the song was released 01/13/90) whimsy. In this case, however, Hammer Time has unfortunately little to do with touring ‘round the world from London to the Bay – rather, it means I would like you to pick up a hammer and hit me with it. Hard.

I don’t suggest you try this at home, but if someone would like to kindly get a hammer – a large one would be best; perhaps even a mallet – and violently but lovingly break my left foot, I would be ever so grateful and would not press charges or anything.

As strange as it may seem, this is an ongoing quest of mine. When the pain of my deformed feet get to be so much that I have little anxiety attacks on a daily basis, I often daydream of something “accidentally” breaking my foot so badly it would require surgery – and while they’re in there, they might as well realign the nice new bone-replacing titanium rods so it doesn’t hurt when I walk or dance or stand or breathe.

Shan and I went to the Thriller dance rehearsal on Saturday, and then joined the rest of the gang (minus Ed [isn’t a camera person] and Gillian [out of town]) for a Toy Camera photo walk. Everything was fun and super and good, but by that evening, I was in some serious pain. By the time we got home, I could barely walk. The pain subsided a little for Sunday, but I was still in enough discomfort Sunday evening that I had to take some sort of pill to get to sleep – and then woke up every hour or so for my efforts. Even today, my left foot is cranky and pissed off at the world, having not asked to be born. I am at My Limit over this, which is usually when I start fantasizing about hammers and Thor and Bob the Builder.

The Thriller Dance is this coming Saturday at 11am, in front of the Watermark Restaurant on Kits Beach. Come down and check out all the dancing zombies, and take a certain special pride in knowing that after the 6-ish minute dance, I will be completely unable to walk properly for the remainder of the weekend. Hooray!

It sucks to be my feet.

Horrible never ending pain aside, I had an awesome weekend. It amazes me just how much fun stuff you can cram into a weekend if you really try: we tried a new restaurant on Friday night and it was incredible; the Toy Camera photowalk was a blast and I’m really looking forward to getting my film back; Sunday was pretty chill but featured brunch with hungover friends and an excellent scooter ride. This week promises to be nearly as exciting: Fright Night, the Thriller Dance, a hockey game, and perhaps a new TV. Phew! It is exhausting to have so much fun.

Here are some pictures from Saturday (I cheated and had my trusty Canon S5 in addition to my three toy cameras):

mutter mutter

Posted in everyday kimli by

I’m running extremely late for work, don’t know when I’ll be leaving tonight, and definitely will not have time to take lunch. It’s 10:30 – A&W is still selling their bacon and egg sandwich until 11am. Sweet; problem solved.

“Hi, can I have two bacon and eggers with no cheese please?”
“I have to check”
*checking*
*still checking*
*that is a lot of checking*
“They only have one egg, so you can only have one.”

Here’s my secret – I hate fried eggs anyway. In fact, whenever I get a breakfast sandwich from A&W, I open it up and cut the egg yolk out before I eat it. I also cover it in pepper, but that is not the issue here.

“You know what, that’s okay – just make the second one without egg.”
“But they only have one egg!”
“I know – make one with egg, and the other just bacon.”
“Just bacon?”
“Yes, no egg and no cheese – just bacon”
“I have to check”
*muttering*
*no, she just wants bacon*
*no cheese either*
*I know it’s weird, but that’s what she said*
*okay, I’ll ask*

“Do you want cheese on the other one?”
“Nope – just bacon. No egg, no cheese – just the meat and bun.”
“Just bacon? Really? Meat and bun only?”

At this point I’m aware of every single A&W employee staring at me from behind the grill area. They all look utterly scandalized for some reason.

“Meat and bun only. It’s fine, I promise! No cheese!”
*yells back* She just wants the bacon!
*mutter mutter*

“Okay, he’s making some eggs. You want cheese on those?”
“NO! NO CHEESE ON ANYTHING!”
“$4.20, please”
*hands over money*
*gets sandwiches*
*runs to work*

There’s cheese on one of the sandwiches.

I give up.

old timey phone noise

Posted in everyday kimli by

I called my mom last week, but couldn’t get through. It was the weirdest thing – instead of ringing, the phone beeped at me. Confused, I hung up and redialed THREE TIMES before I realized what I was hearing was a busy signal. Yes, my mother still lives in 1963 – she uses an answering machine instead of voicemail, her caller ID is a small box that requires a separate power supply, and she doesn’t have call waiting so I got a busy signal. Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve heard a busy signal? I didn’t know they still existed.

It’s not a good week for technology in my hands. On Monday evening, Shan and I were playing Mario Kart Wii: Tourette’s Edition when the TV went all funny – it looked as though we were playing some fantastical new game that required 3D glasses. After grunting and swearing a little, Ed determined that our TV did .. something. The red and blue are misaligned, and it will cost many dollars to make it functional again. The unit still works, but it’s very hard on the eyes. We *could* fix it, but .. well, I want a new TV. I’ve wanted a fancy LCD or plasma TV for a while now but never really had an excuse beyond “gimmie gimmie”, so we just used our (until now) admittedly excellent television. Fixing the TV *would* be cheaper than buying new, but since it’s almost 10 years old and we didn’t pay much for it (long story, but we got it in exchange for our old 36” CRT unit plus some cash) .. frankly, it’s just easier (and more fun) to get a new TV altogether.

Yay!

We’ll probably list the current set on Craigslist for cheap – anyone handier than we with a frugal mind can probably fix it on the cheap. In the meantime, we get to go TV shopping. I am oddly excited for this, given that I hardly ever watch TV and what I *do* watch wouldn’t gain anything from high def crispiness. Still, it’s a new toy. I enjoy toys.

Nerds Do Thanksgiving 2.0 was on Sunday, and it was a smashing success. It turned into an impromptu photo shoot with much hilarity:

When I write the Great Canadian Novel, this will be the book jacket photo.

When I write the Great Canadian Novel, this will be the book jacket photo.

I am very studious.

I am very studious.

I find my cleavage hilarious.

I find my cleavage hilarious.

Please take me seriously.

Please take me seriously.

As awesome as Reilly made me look, nothing in the universe could possibly compare with what he did to Ed:

Hands off people, he is MINE

Hands off people, he is MINE

So much awesome.

And ham. So much ham.

All photos courtesy of Reilly!