et tu brute

I’ve been betrayed, and I don’t much care for it.

One of my (many, outlandish, weird) dreams is to live in a float home. I can see no downside to living on the water – you’re on the WATER, it’s different, you don’t pay for land, you live on a square boat, you can float away from irritating neighbours, it’s so much cheaper than stupid boring land-locked property – I really, really want to live on a float home. I’ve wanted this for years, and I fully plan on retiring in Victoria, living at Fisherman’s Wharf in my float home with my scooter and my pug and my cats and my computers, feeding the seals and scaring away the seagulls and shaking my broom at nosy tourists who get too close to my awesome float home.

i would wear slightly less purple

i would wear slightly less purple

Ed is not only standing in my way, he is using DECEPTION and LIES and my FEAR OF POOP against me in an attempt to keep me from being completely awesome.


We did take a cursory look at the float homes in North Vancouver, and asked some questions to the friendly guy sitting on his dock drinking beer. He told us about living on a dock and Ed asked stupid practical questions while I was busy rearranging furniture in my head. We wandered the dock for a bit, then headed back to our scooters where Ed began his Campaign of Lies to make me think that living in a float home is out of the question.

He went on about the moorage fees (in the thousands!) and the kind of people who might live in float homes (unsavory types!) and our inability to block out our neighbours (we’d be trapped!) [this makes no sense] and the hazards of living on a floating platform (rough seas would make things unstable! You would fall out the window!) and worst of all: life with a septic tank.

There’s no indoor plumbing in a float home, so you would have to deal with tanks to hold your nasty business and you would have to manually transport those tanks and empty them yourself and clean them out with a toothbrush and you’d be covered in yuck and it would smell and –

This basically stopped me cold. I don’t WANT to deal with nasty things. I could never live on a float home! I refuse to be wrist-deep in human waste every week!

Josh found an ad for this house, which I’ve already looked at and have been coveting for some time. We talked about float homes (awesome) and the people who are stopping us from living in float homes (Ed and Shan) and I mentioned that it would totally suck to have to deal with the septic tanks on a weekly basis.

Then Josh told me that there are companies that you hire to do that sort of thing for you, and it’s a quarterly thing, and there are no toothbrushes or rubber gloves involved.


Ed is a filthy liar! He tried to use my paralyzing fear of poop against me to change my mind about living in a float home! That’s HORRIBLE!

I am going to go out and BUY THIS FLOAT HOME TODAY OUT OF SPITE!

Ed is mean.

not shown: me, living here

not shown: me, living here

how awesome would this be

how awesome would this be

beware this man: he is mean

beware this man: he is mean

14 thoughts on “et tu brute

  1. My soon-to-be sister-in-law has a float home in the same marina, and it is Teh Awesome. I pretty much fell in love with it at first sight. She’s moving out soon though – the addition of fiance+2 step kids+large dog is too much for her place to handle.

      • She’ll be selling, eventually – I’ll get her to send me a link to the listing.

        What everyone else says about leaseholds, though – we looked into it about 3 years ago for a house on native land near UBC, and were warned off by several people.

  2. Also, you are paying 400K for what is a rusting barge with a house built on it…

    I am not quite sure if they qualify as an asset or a liability.

  3. hmm, i don’t seem to recall ever saying i wouldn’t live in a float home. in fact, i seem to remember pointing out said float home to josh when we were walking past the marina this weekend. shady!

  4. It’s leasehold…are you kidding me?!?!? Stay far, far, far, far away from that crap. Unless you want your property taxes to raise 500 to 1600+ percent in one year, with absolutely no recourse.

  5. Yuck – stay away from leaseholds, maybe rent one, but don’t ever buy a floathome. Not that you’d ever get a mortgage for one anyways.

    They are almost as bad as mobile (ahem) trailer homes. Everything’s cool, till the land owner decides to do something else with the property, then you have a house on wheels (or floats) and no where to put it.

  6. Before we bought this place, we looked at a leasehold on Indian land and when we learned some of the details of owning a building on leased land we ran the other way as fast as we could and never spoke to the realtor again – I feel bad for whoever bought that place. :(

    The idea of spitting a duplex is a great idea though!

  7. She’s got some selective memory with a touch of Vaudeville. Thankfully she didn’t mention my jazzhands or twisty moustache. Shit would get serious.

  8. What a life! That would certainly be different.

    I also have a weird dream where I want to own a houseboat and sail around the world, or dock in Tofino and live there for most of the year…. *sigh*

    Oh, dreams…

    Good luck, I hope yours comes true :)

  9. Hey – fyi – I DID buy this float home and it’s awesome!

    And no, there’s no septic tank – we’re on the Victoria sewer system.

    This lifestyle is heaven on water – and there are 5 for sale right now!

    Just thought you’d like to know

    ( ps -the weird fortune teller lady is gone – phew!)

  10. Pingback: i have a (new) dream « delicious juice dot com: unapologetically inappropriate

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