Ali is a month or two away from popping out her second child, and has been bemoaning the task of writing her birth plan. I don’t know what that is, but I assume it’s like having to write up your goals or self-evaluation package at work. Everyone hates those things – for some reason putting “fewer murderous black-out rages at the office” is not a valid goal to have – but I’m always up for a challenge, so I thought I would help Ali out. After all, I’m a technical writer and I saw someone giving birth once on the internet so this should be easy.
With that in mind, I present to you the Delicious Juice Dot Birth Plan:
click to embiggen and see entire flow chart
Good luck with the baby, Ali! Let me know if my birth plan worked for you!
Tonight I will be at the Museum of Vancouver, selling Smuttons with Miranda and Andrea and other crafty people. Won’t you join us? It will be a Good Time!
delicious juice dot com 
I’ve been doing it wrong THIS WHOLE TIME.
Only one problem with your birth plan… it’s more of a fertility plan. I think it could work for my friends who are trying to get pregnant, but it won’t get the parasite out of my belly!
May I request “Phase Two” of your plan?
Did you read the whole thing? I gotcha covered – see the helpful “push!” in there :D I suppose I could add a giant box for “ASK FOR DRUGS” ..
Oh! I missed the embiggen at the bottom. I appreciate the option for surgery to put things back again.
On the upside, if that’s how you think babies are made, I don’t think your Team No Babies status is in danger of changing. :D
You missed the entire Boobs Get Bigger and stay that way until you think you get to keep them, then poof, gone, must repeat from Step One.
That is a nice workflow chart. You are totally awesome and stuff.
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