for as long as i remember i’m actually married

Taking today as a vacation day was the best idea I’ve ever had – my weekend was jam-packed full of crazy, and I wisely figured I would need today to recover. Sometimes I am very smart! The rest of the time, though, I embarrass myself in public. Part-time genius is a difficult burden to bear.

I was amazingly productive on Friday, just as I had scheduled myself to be. After my haircut, I checked out the Moulé Sample Sale and picked up some cute hats for my several heads. I went home and did, filed, and paid my taxes; did several loads of laundry; dealt with my Northern Voice Mystery Surprise; packed up everything I needed for Got Craft; made more jewellery for good measure; and put together my outfit for the wedding. It was nice to be able to check things off my To Do list in mass quantities.

Saturday morning I arose and dressed – it was time to decorate a boat. Miranda and recruited Shan and I to help decorate the boat for Tanya’s wedding that evening, and we were happy to help. It didn’t take long and it turned out to be a gorgeous day; one we were happy to spend on the water helping friends. We were done by 1:30, so we went by the sample sale again so Shan could check it out and also buy a hat, then separated to dress for the wedding.

Tanya and Barry’s wedding was beautiful. The ceremony was short and sweet, and after the couple we wed we sailed out into False Creek for a perfect Vancouver evening. I was happy to have been invited to see them exchange vows, and getting to spend a night on a boat was just icing – so much fun! It seemed like all my favourite people were wedding guests as well, so I got to see two wonderful people get married and spend an evening with all my friends. I wish Tanya and Barry all the happiness in the world, and remind Tanya that Vancouver will welcome them back with open arms when she realizes that Calgary just doesn’t compare. :D

After we took down all the decorations, it was time to go home – I had to be up ridiculously early to go to Got Craft. Miranda and I set up our tables, and began peddling our wares. It was a profitable day, but even more important than that, it was fun – my new Smutton display worked perfectly and people *loved* them. I sold some jewellery in addition to my porn, many of our friends came by for hellos, and despite the fact that Miranda and I were both exhausted to the point of drooling, we had an excellent Sunday.

I was especially delighted when I had a repeat customer! A gentleman I remembered from the Museum of Vancouver DIY night (in part because of his extreme enthusiasm for the Smuttons) came by Got Craft and bought some more, because his boss was apparently put out that she received the smallest penis in the lot he bought in April. Luckily for her, I had some new excellent penises in varying states of arousal so there were many dicks for him to sort through. He found some great ones, we shared a laugh, and then – and I had to ask Miranda if this actually happened – he asked me out.

I am quite possibly the dumbest person in the world when it comes to being picked up or hit on or whatever it is – you basically need to be naked and holding a sign that says “Kimli, I am certain you would find it mutually beneficial if we were to discuss the current state of world affairs over a cup of coffee, by which I mean my crotch” with an arrow pointing to your groin before I MIGHT clue in that you were at all interested in me (and I would still likely not get it). When Andrew asked if I wanted to do something after Got Craft, I replied in all honesty that I was exhausted from yesterday’s wedding and had big plans to spend that evening unconscious and recovering, but here is my card and send me an email, we’ll talk.

After he left, I turned to Miranda (who was totally amused by all of this) and asked her haltingly “was I just hit on?”. She confirmed that yes, I had just been asked out – and instead of telling him I was married, I agreed to do something with him later when I wasn’t so tired.


This turned into an afternoon of hilarity – not at Andrew, because he is cool but rather at me and my ridiculous headspace that doesn’t have a filter for these sorts of situations. She tweeted my predicament to Twitter, which prompted Ed to ask if I had remembered that I was married this time (.. this has happened before ..), which I clearly did not. Then I made things worse, because Miranda wondered if he had come to Got Craft specifically to see me and ask me out – which immediately made me feel bad and think I should go out with him anyway because I wouldn’t want him to have wasted his time. My tendency to feel bad for things I have no control over often gets the best of me, and I end up in sticky situations this way – I’m pretty sure this is how I ended up married – but really, I’m just trying to be *polite*. There’s nothing wrong with that, right? Besides, I would totally have gone out with him if I wasn’t married. And who knows, maybe he just wanted to be friends and I am being presumptuous, thinking that someone would find me attractive in any way.

Being alternately scolded and laughed at by both Shan and Miranda aside, I also found the perfect Delicious Juice Dot Com mascots at Got Craft:

happy oranges!

I saw them and knew I had to have them. So cute! You can even buy plush breakfast through their Etsy store – I’m very partial to the toast, should someone want to buy me a food – and they have a fun website, too. Hooray for crafty people! Hooray for anthropomorphic food!

ENOUGH PROCRASTINATING. I even update my About Me page this morning in an attempt to weasel out of finishing my NV presentation, but now it is Go Time – I have slides to prepare, a bottle of Diet Coke beside me, and no pants. I can do this. Let’s go.

3 thoughts on “for as long as i remember i’m actually married

  1. I am so super stoked that the oranges were not separated from each other as they seem to suffer from great anxiety when apart. Have a happy orange filled day!!!

  2. Pingback: mmx in review « delicious juice dot com: unapologetically inappropriate

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