Yesterday Ed and I signed our name many times over for fun and profit – but really, for actual fun and (more importantly) actual profit; not just the sarcastic e-kind.

While I am in charge of the household money (shut up, it is too a good idea), Ed is the one with his wang in the ear of the market and has a pretty good idea when interest rates are doing things. I am totally sold on my personal method of “be an ostrich”, but eventually the siren song of the ridiculously low interest rate was impossible to resist. Ed Had Conversations with our sexy mortgage broker, and now we’ve signed on for a “5-year” “variable” at “0.75%” under “prime”. I don’t know what any of that means – I didn’t graduate high school and math is hard – but I do know that when the mortgage payment comes out every single paycheque I get (boooooooooooo), I have an extra $20 left over. That may not seem like a lot because it barely buys me a handjob on Venables, but both Ed and Sexy Mortgage Man have assured me that this is a great and fanciful thing. I’m all for doing great things especially when they’re fancy, so I’m in. We saw a lawyer, signed many pieces of paper, and for some reason were handed a bunch of money!

That was the unexpected part – refinancing gets you money! Now I understand why people do it so often! Free money is pretty cool. Ed (wisely) won’t let me do anything awesome with the money like renting a cherry picker and a unicorn, but we’re going to set it aside and do a couple of home improvements we’ve both been jonesing for like real grown-ups (who are tired of non-circulating air and vacuuming). Both of those things are pretty cool, so I’m okay with not going on a crazy adventure with the free money we have for some reason. Besides, the changes we make to Sparta will increase our equity, and people tell me that’s a good thing that doesn’t at all cause constipation.

Next time, though, I get a pony.

i was in a hurry, and these were the first two socks i found.