my life of crime

.. is not nearly as exciting or existent as it is in my head.

We’re doing criminal record checks at work, and I am perversely excited about it. This is sad on a number of levels: that I have little to no problem with an invasive look at my past misdeeds; that I have a thousand and one inappropriate jokes to make about the whole situation at work but I really can’t shouldn’t; that my own background check will come back cleaner than fresh snow falling softly on a newborn babe (who should really be inside, you monster). I have nothing to disclose (that wouldn’t be already on my blog anyway) to anyone that would shock or titillate; no double-life as a criminal mastermind that I’m desperate to hide from prying eyes. Yes, there was that time I was in an Asian Youth Gang, but I used to be an Asian Youth – anything I ever did was my “being in a gang”. Also, never been convicted of anything. So there’s that.

I have to admit my nose is a little out of joint, though – I just got an email from my boss asking me to not be involved at all with the background check process. I’d been going around with the HR guy to hand out forms and act as comic relief (as well as provide any missed information/accuse random people of having mafia ties), which makes perfect sense to me – nothing can be all bad if it’s all hilarious. From an HR standpoint though, this isn’t the best way to deal with the situation because it is Serious Times. Serious Times are as alien to me as family is; everything is funny. When things stop being funny, it’s time to be cremated. In the Game of Kimli, you laugh or you die.

My boss did reassure lil’ ol’ hypersensitive me that I didn’t do anything wrong, so I suppose I will stop pouting. Just in time, too – a large shipment of new minifigures just arrived for me so I am far too busy opening new Legomans to be petulant. Especially since the first figure I opened is in the middle of suicide. Oh, Lego! You joker you!

pre-release legomans, bitches.

One thought on “my life of crime

  1. Pingback: mmxi in review « delicious juice dot com: unapologetically inappropriate

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