I’ve got a dozen things rolling around in my head, but none of them have formed enough of a coherent idea to write about. Without a particular topic in mind but still wanting to blog today, I did what I always do when I don’t know something: I ask Twitter.

LET I DO THE THING MENTIONED ABOVE

I won’t try to do it all in one sentence – unironic run-on sentences make me sad – but in exchange, I’ll write about the requested topic and share some thoughts, all without using the letter s. After the cut, that is. This paragraph doesn’t count. Ready? GO!

Blayne offered up a topic of front breaking: what will happen if you apply too much force to the front brake on a rainy day?

In a brief word: THUD. Whether you ride a motorcycle, regular cycle or the often incorrectly named “moped”, applying too much weight to the front brake could make your vehicle flip end over end, dumping your rear end out onto the pavement. The notion can comfortably be chalked up to a REALLY BAD IDEA – ground = hard and your body may receive an injury or twelve.

Blayne gave up another potential topic: What do you do with a problem like Dick Cheney? Elementary, my deer – find a leader with a larger reproductive gland than our own Mr. Harper and charge Dick for every war crime he proudly admitted to.

On a lighter note, AlienMeatBag wanted to know the good and bad of playing a video game on the toilet. I don’t often talk about the bathroom on my blog due to my extreme repugnance for the topic, but in the name of CHALLEGE I will reply:

The Good:

• Relieve poop boredom
• Pocket Zelda!
• Level up in Jetpack Joyride (I hate you, Gravity Outfit)
• Reload your Tiny Tower: now with more adorable Bitzen apparel!

The Bad: You’re manipulating your handheld controller on the TOILET. Where you (not me) POOP. Horrible, and frankly I am offended.

Evan, who made camp in Toronto in utter defiance of our injunction of “Verily, Ontario doth blow ye olde man root” wanted me to indulge a bout of dreamy longing: if money had no meaning to me and I had a requirement to buy one item from each letter of the alphabet, what would I get? A cinch!

• A: Arugula! (I haven’t been eating very well lately; I need greenery)
• B: Bionic implant love for everyone!
• C: new Car – I want a Fiat
• D: Dog. Pug. Now.
• E: Every video game, ever
• F: Fornication (I would like to check “pay for fucking” off my agenda)
• G: Grenada. I need to work on my tan.
• H: Home – property in my favourite city or two? Okay!
• I: Internet – I’d buy the whole damn thing and kick off the people I don’t like
• J: Jackinworld.com – I don’t know that the owner would unload it, but I would LOVE to own the premiere web arena on male diddling
• K: A KITTEN IN EVERY POCKET
• L: Love (Take that, Paul McCartney)
• M: a meal for anyone with hunger
• N: Public Naked Time! (I’d pay for your bail/court fine)
• O: Ocean liner (why not? I’m rich)
• P: Portal (I’d hire a team to invent a working portal gun for me)
• Q: Queen reunion tour! (we could clone Freddie Mercury, right?)
• R: ROAD TRIP! We could drive to Portland!
• .. NICE TRY
• T: TACO PARTY AT MY PLACE
• U: Umbrella – I don’t like getting wet
• V: Velociraptor – try and run me off the road now, fucker
• W: World travel!
• X: A xylophone: I want to learn how to play the wicked xylophone bridge from “Gone Daddy Gone”
• Y: You. KNEEL BEFORE KIMLI
• Z: Zzzzz (I need a nap)

Phew. I hope that will do, Evan. Now, who will actually GIVE me the money to do the above?

CHALLENGE: COMPLETE. Go on, count (below the cut). Neener neener! (I eluded lunch to complete my blog entry :( )