red text is bad, right?
My benefits include access to an online Employee Assistance Program, which I signed up for today. Out of curiosity and refusal to think about PCI compliance for one second longer, I took their self-assessment quiz to see if they agree with my self diagnosis of “depressed, holla” – and judging by the emergency red text that seems to think I am mere seconds from flinging myself out my window and onto the pavement below, we are on the same page.
About the crazy, I mean. Not the flinging. If I flung, I would break my iPhone.
I’m navigating through the maze of the internet to find myself a therapist. If anyone out there has one they think is super awesome and wouldn’t mind sharing contact information with me, please email me – otherwise I’m gonna go with the person who has the best name and specifically mentions they specialize in “EFAP” (which, as far as my exposure to the internet is concerned, means they’re an expert in cyber masturbation).
Baby steps, and all that. Still, I feel good about Doing Something about all of this. The world is woefully short of rainbows and ponies as it is; being trapped outside my own happy silly place is cold and lonely.
not shown: ponies
i am the sum of all my parts
delicious juice dot com 
Love yous
When I went to see my old counsellor for the first time, I filled out his “Depression checklist”. He looks at the checklist, looks at me, looks at the checklist again and says, “How did you make it in here today?”
Sometimes getting help for depression can feel selfish – like you should be able to help yourself. Please know that you are not selfish. Doing Something about it and telling your friends and family shows that you care about your loved ones and that you care about yourself. Don’t feel guilty in any way and push aside anyone that makes you feel that way to make room for the ones who care and want to help.
That being said, the ones who care might not know how to help – don’t feel bad about being explicit and firm about what you need in each and every moment :)