i get it

I finally get it – I see why people drink.

I’m not talking about people who drink to get drunk, but those who drink beer and wine and liquor because they enjoy it. In all the time I’ve been alive, I’ve never understood it – alcohol is disgusting. It tastes horrible. It makes my insides burn with diseases. And people do this for FUN?

Last night, I drank a glass of wine.

I didn’t break out into hives.

I didn’t make faces at the aftertaste.

I didn’t turn bright-ass red and start hyperventilating; nor did I get instantly drunk and fall asleep.

THIS IS HUGE.

I had my first taste of beer at age 7 (a Coors Light from my 32yo brother), and it was disgusting. In grade 9, I filled a container with gin and apple juice and went to school because I was a Bad Ass, and even though I enjoyed being sneaky and a Problem Child for a day, I didn’t enjoy the actual drinking part at all. When I was 17, I hung out with a Bad Crowd and my weekends were filled with Silent Sam and Malibu – again, I drank because it’s what we did; I certainly didn’t like it all that much. I have never, ever liked alcohol. Even drinks that I could choke down – fruity girl drinks that were more sugar than alcohol – were barely tolerable; I’d drink them because I’d forgotten how fucking horrible booze made me feel every single time. Do you know how much it sucks to drink something that tastes terrible and instantly gives you a bladder infection? It’s about as much fun as it sounds, so eventually I just stopped drinking altogether. If anything is going to cause burning sensations where there ought not be any burning at all, I want filthy carnal sexy times to be the reason – not because I had a sip of something gross.

Then there was last night. We went out for Ethiopian food for Ed’s birthday dinner, and the owner of the restaurant served us his top secret honey wine that he brews for himself. I was curious about this glass of Mountain Dew-coloured thick stuff that smelled like chocolate, so I took a sniff then a little sip. Then .. nothing. No yucky taste. No burning urethra. No hives or waves of scorching heat coming from my cheeks; no zero to drunk in 60ml. I was .. fine. And it was fucking DELICIOUS.

Is THIS what people taste and feel when they drink a good wine or beer? If it is, then sign me up – I could drink bottles of that stuff. I ordered myself a glass, and polished it off with my (amazing) dinner. I was ever-so-slightly buzzed, and I felt none of my usual symptoms after having something with booze in it. This is fucking INCREDIBLE – to illustrate just how bad my reaction to alcohol is, you know those booze-filled chocolates all over the place during the holidays? Yeah, I can’t eat those. I mean, I COULD, but the mini bladder infection just isn’t worth it.

Who wants to go drinking? I can only go to one place and have this one kind of booze that can’t be bought in a store, but I can totally drink it without dying. LET’S GET DRUNK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE DO!

Um, and I suppose I’ve fallen off the 2012: Year of the Straight Edge wagon. I will hop back on – Mike is a bad, bad man – but I will gladly hop off at any time to go have more of that honey wine because GOOD GOD Y’ALL. So good.

all that remained.

3 thoughts on “i get it

  1. I would just like to confirm that Kimli is not making up anything in her description of her adverse reactions to alcohol. In fact, if anything, she’s understating the situation. I must try this honey wine sometime, sounds delectable.

  2. I ended up with a hangover the next day after two glasses of the honey wine, so I find it interesting that you did okay on it and now want to get sloshed with everyone.

    I’ve had good beers that I thought were good in the same way I liked the honey wine, so yeah, that’s sort of how it is with some of us. Though most people drink piss water like Molson Canadian, and I’ve upset my parents by refusing to drink that when people bring it to their house.

  3. Pingback: mmxii in review « delicious juice dot com: unapologetically inappropriate

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