I had a brilliant idea this morning:

• Write terrible 50 Shades of Gray fanfiction (maybe about furries? It’s all about pushing the envelope with salacious sex, after all)
• Get a book deal (and dampen housewife panties everywhere)
• Retire rich and puffy (I already have an angled close-up picture ready for the book jacket)

Unfortunately, Kathryn pointed out that someone else already had this idea, and started writing a book using the same methods EL James did for hers (namely, write Twilight 50 Shades fan fiction, change the character names, profit). In a move worthy of applause just because of the sheer volume of balls needed to pull it off, EL James allegedly issued a cease and desist to order the writer to stop plagiarizing her original work.

*cough*

ANYWAY, since I sure would loathe to be set upon by nasty lawyers and big britches, I’ve decided to go with Plan B instead: get Return to Castle Bonerstein made into a movie.

People would kickstart gay video game slash, wouldn’t they?

All people should avoid making out with me today, as I worry that I am getting sick. I woke up with a sore throat this morning, and it seems to be getting worse. This might be karmatic retribution for killing off humanity in Plague Inc last night (with a deadly yet hilariously named parasite called Gnome Scrotum), but I regret nothing.

my version will feature the alien having mildly scandalous sex with liam neeson and the 1879 providence grays