no. okay? just .. no.

People, it’s cool to be into different things. Our differences are what make us each unique: you like blue, I like green, together we are but two tiny drops in the seething, bubbling melting pot of sweaty humanity. It’s a beautiful thing.

However, there has to be a line somewhere.

Think of all the facets of your personality. Now, think about how little time you really have to make a first impression on someone. If you had one shot, one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted, in one moment – would you capture it, or just let it slip? Or would you not listen to any Eminem whatsoever, and simply storm into the situation being the biggest, baddest, bestest you you could possibly be?

Last week a friend had a resume come across his desk, from someone looking for work as a designer. The resume was fairly typical; full of past work experience and job skills and included a link to an online profile full of examples of past design and graphics work.

Oh, and the person was also a card-carrying, squirrel-fucking furry.

Look, I know everyone has their own kinky secrets. I don’t begrudge you what turns you on (with a few obvious exceptions) – inanimate objects, fruit, used panties purchased from the internet, Warren Buffett, being strung up from the ceiling while school cafeteria workers slap you with soup ladles – great. All of it is awesome. Get down with your freaky self!

But .. you know, there’s a time and place for everything. If you’re into wearing peanut butter-smeared rubber suits while strangers pee in your left ear, maybe you shouldn’t shake hands with your peanut butter-smeared rubber-suited hands when you’re asking for a job. Especially when you’re asking for a job.

The would-be designer’s resume included a link to his online portfolio, most of which was dedicated to his own art. His art was all drawings of sexy anthropomorphic animals: wolves, foxes, squirrels, dogs. All of them were female. The “clean” versions featured the sexy animal women in frilly lingerie; links to the uncensored versions were full on nipple and damp crotch shots. Of animals. Human-sized animals, in sexy poses.

I know furries are the butt of the internet, but I don’t really have a problem with them. That being said, COME ON. How many job offers do you think I’d have gotten if I introduced myself saying “Hi, I’m Kimli! Optimus Prime makes my vagina wet with cybernetic longing!” ?

Obviously the answer is “many, because I’m fucking awesome”, but I wouldn’t really blame people if they raised an eyebrow and quickly filed my resume into the garbage (then washed their hands) because regardless of how skilled I may or may not be, it is NOT APPROPRIATE for that particular fact to be the first facet of my personality shown to others in a potentially professional setting. You can tell I’m fucking serious about this, because I fully embrace the whole idea of not appropriate – I am the fucking poster child for unapologetic inappropriate conduct – but everyone has to draw a line somewhere, and it looks my line must be drawn heeah.

I get that you can be into something unusual and be very proud of who you are. Rock on with your bad self, and all that. I just think that maybe it’s a good idea to hone other aspects of yourself to such a degree that you have a side of yourself to present to others regardless of the situation you find yourself in – because no matter how awesome you think your favourite things are, not everyone will understand it. I don’t expect people to get why I’m so into Optimus Prime (I’m not sure I really understand it for myself), so I don’t show up hoping for a job dressed in my fully functional biotic crotch plate and expect people to be cool with my auto-lubing orifices and rear-view cameras. If you’re into people dressed in fur suits and pretending your Other Self is a 6′ Grey Wolf who gets a raging boner at the thought of naked raccoon women on all fours waiting for you to yiff like you’ve never yiffed before, cool. Just .. don’t show me your wolf suit and explain the mechanics of how you keep the fur clean, then ask for a job. Please.

There’s a very good reason my online portfolio does not contain direct links to my video game slash fiction. I didn’t think it was so necessary to spell that reason out for people, but here we are. Where do we go from here, guys? And why doesn’t a sexy anthropomorphic cat lady have 8 large buoyant breasts that defy gravity instead of 2? Seems like a wasted opportunity.

2 thoughts on “no. okay? just .. no.

  1. Pingback: mmxii in review « delicious juice dot com: unapologetically inappropriate

  2. I understand, if a designer is fantastic at doing furry animals, that s/he’d want to feature them in a portfolio. At the same time, wouldn’t any designer have other things to feature too? And wouldn’t any sane person leave the X-rated stuff off the portfolio? You just don’t get many lucrative graphic design contracts from escort agencies, let alone novelty escort agencies.

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