I tend to forget that I do technically have ovaries and junk, because I don’t really use them. That’s why, when I suffer from Explosive Emotions, I’m freaked out – where the fuck did this come from? True, it’s not always hormonal – sometimes things just suck – but without a monthly clock to keep track of this stuff (Mirena is my BFF), these internal drama bombs are truly random. They only happen three or four times a year, and they’re basically the only form of menstruation I go through. I’m not complaining – the opposite actually, it’s pretty fucking awesome – but it does take me by surprise.
Like today, when everything made me cry before 11am. So far this morning I’ve cried over:
- Ed telling me to wake up after I slept through my alarms
- My favourite song coming on while I was in the shower
- Extra money
- When Dilly rubbed against my legs in greeting
- The state of my savings account
- That swans can be gay
- How blue Lemon’s eyes are
- Remembering the severance I got from a job 15 years ago
- Being hungry
There are so many FEELINGS, and apparently I am having them all. I’m pretty sure I’m too much of a weepy mess to be of any use today, but I’m still going to go into work and tinker with systems. Eventually all these tears will turn to pure incoherent rage over nothing, and I want to make sure there’s a rotten issue tracker or two I can take my rage out on safely.