Well, I’m in America now. I may never leave, actually. There’s Mexican food here, and the air is pretty calm. That’s the whole reason why I would attempt to stay in the US on $19.05 – I don’t want to ride back to Canada. The wind will get me, you see.

I got bored this afternoon and started stressing that I hadn’t been on any Adventures on my week off. It’s a gorgeous afternoon, so I decided it would be a great idea to ride Lola to the States. It’s really hard to get people to come with me at the best of times, so I thought I’d just go for it and have some fun with my remaining $19.05. It’s either that, or play 8 hours of Dragon Quest then feel guilty all night long.

I strapped my saddlebags onto Lola, and we were off. I had a full tank of gas and a pocket full of quarters; let’s ride!

I was NOT counting on making a new enemy on the ride down.

Did you know that the highway is WINDY? And that, in the grand scheme of things, I am very small?

I am usually not a small girl. In fact, I am a hulking brute of a latch-key kid; the product of mixed messages and food punishments going back as far as I can remember. Lola is a very, very solid scooter – with me up there, we’re like a small tank of sassy near-nudity. I don’t feel SMALL on Lola; I’m a friggin’ Amazon up there. Nothing to fear.

Except, now, I hate the wind. Why is it so strong? Why is it trying to blow me off course and into fields of manure? I’m a fan of blow jobs as much as the next person, but riding Lola down the highway to America was kind of awful. I’m not looking forward to the ride back. I may just stay here for a while; soak up some local flavour and get to know people. I can make a new life here – they have Diet Coke and it isn’t windy. Who needs the highway? Not me.

I think I’ve conveniently talked myself out of going to Victoria. There are several reasons, each more valid (as an excuse) as the last: I don’t have keys, my mom doesn’t know I was thinking about coming, the ferry is expensive, I just did groceries and want to cook delicious meals. I still need to go to Victoria at some point .. just not this week. I don’t wanna pack stuff and live out of a bag. Life is HARD.

I still have an entire day ahead of me, though, and two more to follow. I think I’ll go for an Epic Scoot – I haven’t ridden Lola in a week, and I feel like going somewhere ridiculous. I wish my camera was working – by the way, my Pentax is totally hooped; it won’t read batteries – I’d go take pictures of stuff. I suppose I’ll just have to use one of my other 50 cameras (okay, 3), but I really need to get this battery issue sorted out. I don’t like it when my toys stop working, and I’m out of things to sell so I can upgrade to shinier, newer toys. Also, I have no money. I’m officially putting a stop to my Summer of Insane Spending – I have a vacation to save for, and I’m not going to get to Mexico on Sephora sprees alone.

Good thing a tank of Lola gas is still cheap, though. Let’s ride! Maybe I’ll put my tank bags on so it looks like I’m hardcore. That’s a good way to spend my vacation: pretending I am hardcore. Yesterday I did hardcore groceries and made a hardcore jerk chicken spinach salad; today I will go for a hardcore scooter ride and follow it up with some hardcore tilapia for dinner. YEAH! WOOOO!

So, does anyone know how to fix my camera?

The weather is messing with my resolve – if it doesn’t decide to fall one way or another, I will be up in arms. I had been planning on scooting to Victoria some time this week to take advantage of my vacation (and also because I’m a terrible daughter who hasn’t been home in 6 months), but I don’t want to a) scoot in the rain or b) take the car. I’ll decide tomorrow – I can still get in some Quality Time with mom (and hopefully come out sane on the other end) if I leave tomorrow and return Friday. If I don’t end up going, I’ll have to come up with some other kind of Adventure so I don’t feel as though I wasted my vacation – that would make me sad.

I can’t believe it’s already September. I’m happy about it because I love the fall, but it seems as though the summer just flew by without much stuff happening. I’m fairly certain I have enough Fun Things planned to get me through the rest of the year – I have a really hard time coping with the 9-5 when I don’t have anything to look forward to – but it’s weird to realize that fall is here. On the other hand, it’s time for boots and sweaters. Hooray!

Day One of my vacation is going to be exciting: groceries. We have no food in the house that isn’t a biohazard, so I’m going to take advantage of the weekday to buy food and Diet Coke because I’m totally out again. YEAH! EXCITING! WOOOO!

happy slime is happy and slimy

We’re back in one piece and (so far) disease free, just as promised.

We opted to skip the last day of PAX for a casserole of reasons, all of which turned out to be the best idea ever when we heard reports of 3+ hour border waits and epic downpours later. As it was, it took us exactly three hours from door to door and we were home just after 2pm after a fantastic weekend of nerdy goodness and excellent friends. We were a little sad to be missing out on the last day, but at the same time we were PAX’d out – we spent the ENTIRE day there on Saturday, and had seen (almost) everything we wanted to see. Heading downtown sounded good, until the logistics of it all came up – $25 to park, massive crowds of people, then a really long drive home when you factor in everyone ELSE trying to get back to Canada – ugh.

So, how was it? Completely awesome. We had a total blast, and got to see and touch and play so many things. Some of the highlights for us:

• Seeing Derek at the Dragon Age II booth! Derek has worked for Bioware forEVER, and is the main reason Ed and I met in the first place – he organized Fragapalooza ’97, and I stayed at his house for the event. We hadn’t seen him in years, and it was completely awesome to catch up and see him doing so well.
• Ed got to sit in on the D&D panel he was drooling over – he was first in line to get in, and he had a great time
• Getting to play Fallout: New Vegas, Little Big Planet 2, Super Scribblenauts and Kirby’s Epic Yarn
• Spending all my money at the Scott Pilgrim booth
• Spending some quality time with the Suttles family
• The successful stalking of MC Frontalot
• The Plants vs. Zombies section
• My Bionic Moustache
• Coming up with the World’s Most Awesome Idea with Ali – details to come later

No con could ever be perfect, though:

• A recession-caused noticeable lack of swag (we still got a lot, but last year I ended up with enough to do 8 or 9 giveaways)
• No booths for Jet Set Radio Futurer or The World Ends With You Again
• We sat in on the Rage 3 demo panel, and while it looked awesome, it also looked an awful lot like Fallout 3
• The Haunted Cafe
• We didn’t get wristbands for the Frontalot/Coulton show – all 2500 wristbands were given out before 8:30 that morning
• I wasn’t the only Ramona there! I suck at cosplay.
• No chance to play/see Portal 2, Duke Nukem Forever, Guild Wars 2 or Dragon Age 2 – the lines wrapped around the booth and if I didn’t stand in line for the Olympics, I’m not going to stand in line for a t-shirt.
• This booth. Seriously? You’re marketing your company like this on PURPOSE? The guy at the booth saw me taking pictures of his banner, so he gave me a poster. Um, thanks. You’re a fucking idiot, and I’m glad your booth was on the hidden level that didn’t get as much traffic.

So much fun. Will definitely be doing PAX11. Will continue to try to convince friends to come along – seriously, people. PAX is a total blast. Why do you keep fighting me on this?

click to view my pax10 pictures

Great. I’m left to my own devices for 4 measly hours, and I managed to find a ghost cafe and eat haunted – likely poisonous – fish and chips. I couldn’t just go for the burger – no, I had to be adventurous and get the 7-Year Fish special, served with undead fries and Diet Coke of Lies. Not even the ketchup was safe: “Fancy Ketchup” appears to be American code for “tastes like red ass oh god get this out of my mouth I want my mommy”.

Ed and I parted company around noon because he wanted to watch men play Dungeons and Dragons and I .. did not. I sat on my rear for a bit, playing on my DS (don’t tell my iPhone) and stalking MC Frontalot, which i did successfully. I saw Scott Kurtz and Wil Wheaton, but am faaaaaar too cool to stand in line for autographs so I had dirty nerd thoughts from afar and went on my way. After my aforementioned haunted lunch, I spent some money and played my games and tried to count the nerds gawking at my tits. There weren’t many, and I don’t really blame them – sure, my rack is mighty, but dude there’s Portal 2 and Fallout: New Vegas and Little Big Planet 2 and and and. My boobs can’t compete with that, and I’m silly to have tried (but i sure am comfortable).

So, haunted lunch. I was famished and without an emergency pocket sandwich, so I stumbled upon a cafe with a relatively small line in a place where I swear no cafe was earlier. Still, I ignored the warning signs because i was too excited to see that the cafe had Diet Coke for not all my money – I waited in line and ordered.

My second clue that something was wrong came from the instantaneous fish n’ chips they gave me. See, everyone else had to wait 5 or 10 minutes for their food but mine was ready before I walked two feet to the condiment area. It seems my fish was destined for me, but had been awaiting my arrival in the deep fryer for 7 years – it was very overcooked and sad. I was too hungry to argue though, so I loaded myself up with tartar sauce (the scary kind that doesn’t require refrigeration) and horrible ketchup and crossed the huge empty room to sit on the floor. I settled in against a soft wall, tucked into my expensive and questionable convention lunch, and relaxed.

Until i looked up and saw nothing across the room.

No line of people. No cafe. No tables filled with lunching nerds. There was NOTHING across from me; nothing where, a few short minutes ago, I had stood in line with a few others to collect the goods I was presently chewing on.

Obviously, everything is haunted. My otherworldly theory only solidified when the contents of my stomach did the exact opposite a short time later. Man, all I want is one good uncursed meal. Is that so much to ask?

This year, I’m armed with anti-bacterial hand goo. I hate both goo and anti-bacterial things, but I hate being sick even more. It strengthens my resolve that every time Ed goes to the bathroom, he regales me with stories about large hulking nerds who aren’t washing their hands on the way out. Ewwwww.

Day One was short but fun. We opted to return to suburbia a little early so we could take turns going to a movie -Ali and I went to the early showing of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (what? She hadn’t seen it, and this was only my third time) while the boys babysat; then we met in the parking lot to trade vehicles and children so the menfolk could go to the late showing. Hooray for figuring things out so everyone gets to have fun!

It is early and we are off to PAX again. Sadly, it is not quite early enough – I do not know if we’ll be able to get tickets for tonight’s nerd rock show. I will be sad, but I am old and shouldn’t be out past 9pm anyway what with my oldness and all.

Today is all about boobs and comfort.

To the nerd emporium!

I’m on vacation. You know what that means: NO PANTS! More so than usual, even! I packed for PAX last night, and only added a pair of emergency jeans as an afterthought. Since I won’t be on my scooter all weekend, I am not going to wear any pants and I’m going to put things in my hair. Look for me on the exhibition floor – I’ll the the one either totally-not-cosplaying as Ramona Flowers, or without pants and covered in merit badges.

Excited! A little ridiculous! Hooray!

This was in my shoe this morning:

this is somewhat unusual, even for me

Yeah, I don’t know either.

So. On Monday, I went to the dentist (again – I should just move in) to deal with the last of my cavities. While I was there, I asked if something could be done about the shards of tooth that were causing me untold grief – they didn’t necessarily hurt, but I couldn’t stop poking at them and it was cutting my mouth up pretty badly. I was hoping they could either file the pointy bits down, or yank them out until we dealt with the whole thing.

My dentist is much more ambitious than I would have thought. He decided that the tooth needed to come out, and it needed to come out now – so we’d be taking care of that while we did the fillings. I had virtually no time to psyche myself up for this, but it was too late to turn back: a tooth would be coming out, whether I was fully on board with the idea or not. Bring on the Novocain!

And, they did. Nine shots of it. It might have been more; I actually lost count of how many times they jabbed me with that goddamn needle. It took a considerable amount of time, effort and horrible nightmare-inducing implements of torture to yank the offending tooth out of my head, and I bled into soggy gauze for about 6 hours afterward. I was woozy as hell and completely frozen on the left side of my head – that much Novocain might SOUND fun, but I’m pretty sure it held all my logic and reasoning abilities hostage because it sounded like a REALLY GOOD idea to buy some lottery tickets and send my banking information to that nice Nigerian prince who will give me a large sum of money in exchange for my help.

The dentist helpfully gave me a prescription for some T3s, and I toddled off towards the office so I could collect my gear and go home. There, I passed out until Ed arrived, and he went to collect my drugs for me. I slept some more, exchange the disgusting gauze for some more, and woke up in a considerable amount of pain: something about having my face fucked by surprise dental surgery and being propped open for two hours while people diddled inside my mouth for fun.

It’s been two days since the extraction, and it’s both better and worse than I feared. The good: I’m not in agonizing pain; it’s just tender and sore and I can’t open my mouth fully. The bad: It still hurts (but I won’t take the T3s unless it’s bedtime), and it feels GROSS – the spot where my tooth used to be feels like an overripe melon and it’s horrible. I’m not supposed to be poking at it, but every time my tongue wanders over in that area I shudder a little. I’m trying to avoid having a grand old time because it hurts a little to laugh and smile, but I assume that’ll get better soon. Advil helps; as does ice cream (but mostly because it’s delicious).

In conclusion, I do not recommend breaking a tooth to such a degree that it requires an emergency extraction and I am ready for my mouth to stop hurting now.

I never received “The Talk” from my parents. I mean, I did, but I was 22 at the time and had been Doing It for 6 years at that point, and had gotten pretty good at it. You don’t learn about sex from a Penthouse magazine without learning a thing or two, especially as a curious and precocious 8 year old who was often grounded and banished to the basement where all the smut was hidden.

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems that sex has gotten more complicated over the years. It used to be so simple – come home from school, take off clothes, wait for boyfriend to come over. Now there’s rules and taboos and diseases and toys and other people, and it’s so hard to remember all the nuances. There ought to be .. a guide, or something. A walkthrough, or a flow chart (flow charts fix everything). Or a manual! Yeah, that’s it – a manual, maybe written by a technical writer? One with a dirty mind and too much time on her hands? One who just had an emergency tooth extraction and is currently wasted on T3s?

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T-minus three days until I’m on VACATION!

We’re leaving for PAX sometime on Thursday, and it will be Good Times. I’m looking forward to seeing Ali and family too; we should be able to get in some good visiting time with them amidst the nerd orgies (both figurative and literal). It’s a long weekend thanks to Labour Day, and I have all of next week off for No Good Reason – I’ve long been envious of Heather’s random vacation time, so I’m taking a week off for myself. I might go to Victoria, I might sleep the entire time, I might start crafting for December’s Got Craft .. I might do NOTHING. My options are endless! How delightful for me!

zzzzzzz

I had an unusually busy weekend that I’m still reveling in; the (shortened) workweek be damned. We had our company picnic on Friday, which was a lot of fun if exhausting – I was on the organizing committee, and spent much of the day running around and eating shrimp. Afterwards, I was stuck with the leftover cake – about 15 pounds of it – so I demanded that the gang come over and eat cake, which they did. They did not eat nearly enough; there’s STILL a terrifying amount of cake in my fridge – but a small dent was made, which I’ll have to live with. Note to self: find more ravenous friends; current crew has dainty, lady-like appetites for free cake.

gastowns!

On Saturday I was up at the asscrack of dawn – I had a SECRET DATE. I spent the morning wandering Granville Island with some awesome people before I had to return them to their place of origin all too soon. It was barely 1pm at that point, leaving me with three hours to kill before my haircut – time for a nap! I didn’t get nearly as much sleep as my body wanted, so I crashed out the instant I came home. Waking up to be on time for my appointment was brutally hard, but I managed to drag my woozy ass over there and got myself neatened up for September. A group dinner at La Casita finished out the Saturday, and Ed and I spent a quiet evening doing gobs of nothing. It was nice, even if we both had cranky headaches.

delicious juice?

On Sunday, Shan, Miranda and I wandered Chinatown and Gastown. We stopped in at the Blim Monthly Market, bought some Chinese bakery goodies, and hopped on a Big Bus for a Groupon tour with Stephanie. It was fun to be in a giant convertible bus, even if the guided tour portion was a little questionable – too much focus on shopping, and they skipped a lot of important Vancouver knowledge. Still, it was a nice way to spend a sunny afternoon and after the tour we ended up at Rogue Wet Bar for a late lunch. It was a busy afternoon, but at the end we were all exhausted so it was off to retire/do laundry/watch tv/prepare for the week ahead. And here we are. Goooo Monday!

I have another dentist appointment at 3 today, and it really can’t come fast enough: my broken tooth keeps breaking more, and shards of pointy ouchy things are sticking out and hurting me in places. The appointment is to deal with the last of my cavities/toxic fillings, but I’m really hoping he can just yank the shards out of my mouth already and be done with it. I’m still not decided on the route to take with my missing tooth, but I want the extraction done as soon as fucking possible because this kind of sucks all over. Tooth chunks are gross.

Vacation!

no YOU'RE weird