i done fucked up now

Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there
I’ll tell you how I completely fucked up booking routine airfare

I’m going to Orlando in March for a work event. I’ve never been to Florida, so I’m pretty stoked for a new adventure with alligators and crocodiles and David Caruso dramatically taking off sunglasses. Plus, I get to meet all my co-workers for the first time, so that won’t be stressful at all.

I was left in charge of booking my own flight to Florida because Canadian and passports and all sorts of complications. No problem, I literally book flights in my sleep – this will be simple. Fly in, go to a Waffle House, fly out. Simple!

Naturally, I had to go and make it extra complicated. I made several mistakes, a dozen or so wildly incorrect assumptions, a little of bit of hubris for good measure, and BAM I am stuck with a ticket that cost double what it should have and a whole lot of idiot guilt.

Let’s recap!

  • Find a flight that’ll work
  • Get approval
  • Wait two days to book the flight
  • Press buttons while asleep
  • Congratulations, you’re booked! oh and by the way the price went way up and it’s non refundable lol
  • Shiiiiiiit.
  • Also realize that my flight gives me 46 minutes to make my connection in Minneapolis
  • Call Expedia to sort this out
  • End up paying an additional $165 to increase my layover to 4 hours
  • Be annoyed
  • Sheepishly share flight info with team
  • Bosses freak out at how expensive I am
  • Feel terrible for being expensive
  • Start looking for ways to resolve this
  • Post to Facebook and get super helpful advice from people
  • Start researching
  • Realize I called Expedia 23 hours and 45 minutes from the time I booked my flight, so I should have been entitled to a refund on a 24-hour cancellation policy
  • Find two other important pieces of information saying a) Delta gives you until midnight the following day to get a full refund, regardless of where you purchased the ticket and b) the minimum connection time for an international flight into MSP is 1 hour, meaning I shouldn’t have been able to book a flight with a 46-minute connection time, meaning Expedia screwed up and definitely shouldn’t have charged me $165 to change the flight
  • Feel all Sherlock
  • Get my hair did
  • Submit a refund request directly with Delta
  • Call Expedia to be all “wtf dudes”
  • Get schooled:
    • Expedia’s flight cancellation policy is good until 11:30pm of the day you purchase your ticket, not 24 hours as is often assumed
    • Delta no longer honours the 24+ hour cancellation policy if you purchase the ticket from anywhere except Delta directly
    • I don’t go through customs in MSP, I go through in Vancouver – meaning the 46 minute connection time is perfectly valid, since it’s over the 40-minute MCT for that particular airport. This was a complete surprise to me, because my only frame of reference is the dozens of flights I’ve taken to and from Europe in the last five years – you ALWAYS go through customs when you land, so I assumed it was the same for the US. I haven’t flown into the US on purpose since .. 2007? It’s been a while.
  • I have two options: take the flight as is and enjoy the fine taste of the extra $165 I didn’t need to pay after all
  • Cancel the flight in exchange for a voucher that:
    • Can only be used by me
    • Must be used within 1 year
    • Is only good on Delta
  • I thought I could live with the latter option: I’d just rebook my flight to a more expense-report-friendly flight, and stash the rest to use later!
  • Hahahahaha no
  • If you use the voucher for a flight that is less than the amount of the voucher, you forfeit the remaining balance
  • AND Delta will charge you an extra $200 because using the voucher counts as a flight change
  • In theory, I could make that work .. but I have no idea where I’d go via Delta for that much money, and in the meantime I’d be out the original cost of the flight + the cost of the replacement flight. Either option means I’m losing a ton of money because of my fuck up.

So, this sucks. I feel terrible about it for multiple reasons: that I’m gonna get fired because I’m clearly super bad at Florida and/or at the very least get in trouble and people will be stern at me; because it was such a colossally stupid situation to get myself in; because I pride myself on the details and I fucked them up so laughably badly that I’m kicking myself with pointy boots; because it’s going to cost a ton of money that I didn’t need to spend; etc etc etc. Last night was a bad night. There were tears of frustration and quasi-illogical worry. I AM SAD.

On the plus side, my hair is hella cute.


i do not handle failure well


The following things have soundly defeated me this week:

  • Pants

Earlier this year I splurged on a ridiculously expensive pair of jeans, which I then hemmed. Both of these things are unheard of: jeans are little more than blue pants, and I never hem things (preferring to trip over myself with every second step and also sweep floors). I was against the very notion, but I felt that maybe (probably) some day I would find myself in a peril that could only be resolved by my covered shins so I reluctantly outfitted myself appropriately. Unfortunately, the jeans I bought turned out to have a faulty zipper: it wouldn’t stay up. I used a key ring to keep myself relatively decent by looping it over the button, but this past weekend the zipper failed me entirely. It fell apart on my way to Victoria, and could not be fixed with any amount of hammer use. Luckily I had only planned to wear pants on the way there, but it was still awkward for the 3+ hours I had to walk around with my fly gaping open. Normally I’d write the pants off as a loss, but they were really fucking expensive so I took them in to a tailor for an emergency zipperectomy. See, this is why no one should ever wear pants: they are full of betrayal and also are stupid.

  • Apple and Disney

I like supporting dev studios if I enjoy the fuck out of their apps. This past weekend, I tried to make an in-app purchase of some game currency. I had a sketchy connection all over the place, so I didn’t think anything of it when the purchase didn’t go through: I just tried again later. Unfortunately, the purchase DID go through the first time .. at least, financially. I was charged $4.99 twice, but only received one set of the currency. No problem – I’ll just contact Apple and explain the mistake, right? Oh, but no. See, this happened before with an album purchase that went through twice. Apple reversed the charge (who would buy an album twice in the span of 25 seconds) then .. but because they did, that was my one freebie reversal and they won’t do it this time: I’m SOL. Well, that sucks. I reached out to Disney, but they’ve ignored my issue entirely. I know it’s only $5, but it’s the principle of the thing: you charged me, and I didn’t get the item. Hell, I’d be happy even if they gave me the purchase in the app .. but since they won’t answer me at all, I’m bitter and complaining about it on the internet.

  • Work

Work is busy. I am busy. I am only writing right now because I’m ignoring my lunch. This isn’t a complaint – I like being busy – but it has direct correlation to my next defeat:

  • NaBloPoMo

I am out. I wasn’t able to update yesterday (that TV wasn’t going to watch itself), so I failed in the pointless endeavour to write a blog post every day in November. Truthfully, I wasn’t feeling it – I’d much rather post real content when I feel like it, instead of rambling nonsense* to meet a quota. I do not feel guilty about failing NaBloPoMo.

*: Yes I’m aware that my “real content” is still rambling nonsense: shut up.

  • My Better Judgement

I got my wrist slapped at work yesterday for Instagramming something that was a big no-no. If I had given any thought to it whatsoever I would have realized it was a Bad Idea, but that didn’t happen so I merrily posted the picture. It was almost immediately deleted, but in the minute or so that it was up, one of the half-dozen people that saw it included my boss. Oops. Bad Kimli.

  • Doors

I’ve walked into three doors today. While a lesser person would think that perhaps THEY had failed the DOORS, I see it from the other side: the doors failed ME, for not opening magically when I needed to get through. Who cares if the door was locked and I hadn’t scanned my ID to get in? It should know better. Doesn’t the door know WHO I AM?

  • Not getting the D

Someone slipped me the D at work. Scandalous!

As an aside, this post is the 2500th post I’ve made on Delicious Juice Dot Com since switching to WordPress in late 2006. Congratulations, me! That is a metric shit ton of words! Tonight I will celebrate with frozen yogurt.

the red badge of failure

I took my motorcycle skills test this morning, and I failed spectacularly.

Logically, I know this isn’t a big deal. It was my first time taking the test, I was nervous, a lot of people fail it the first time (including the two dudes who tested before me; they were there for their second and third attempts respectively), chin up lil’ lady you can try again in a week. I know all this, logically. I can choose to be calm and collected about this, practice what I messed up on, and just try again next week: no harm, no foul. Logic!

Naturally, I am beating myself up and freaking out and foreseeing a future in which I am forced to hitchhike my way around the city, inevitably ending up in the trunk of an axe murderer’s sedan and never heard from again. I am angry at myself for failing and for letting something as stupid as an extra traffic cone throw me so badly off my game (I failed to successfully navigate a tight u-turn – something I had practiced and repeatedly nailed for hours the night before). I am sad that I have to wait a week before trying again. I am annoyed that legally, I am facing the next week with no transportation (Ed is driving to Edmonton for a week tomorrow, leaving me with no car and a scooter I shouldn’t ride). I have all the feels: I AM NOT USED TO FAILING! I am Good At Things! I shouldn’t have failed! I am overly miserable about this, and feeling as though I’ve failed LIFE ITSELF instead of just a notoriously tricky skills test using skills you generally don’t use in real life. It’s like trigonometry: sure, maybe someday I will find myself in a life-or-death situation that can only be resolved by calculating the ratio of the adjacent leg to the hypotenuse and/or successfully navigating a slalom of small traffic cones on my scooter, but it’s somewhat unlikely. I’m onto you, skills test: you are the useless applied mathematics of motorcycle licensing, and you will not trip me up again.

I’m retaking the test next Friday, and I am going to kick it’s ass. In the meantime, I am going to feel sorry for myself and eat chocolate (I have a 5-day weekend in which to wallow). I WILL NOT FAIL AGAIN!

.. but if I do, I can just keep retaking the test. It doesn’t cost anything until I pass, so there’s that. I’m still mad at myself, though. I hate sucking.