new record

I wrote two complete blog posts today that I can’t publish because they’re both incoherent with rage and unresolved issues. I should just delete them both before I get myself in trouble, but they’re lurking in my drafts folder. Perhaps one day I’ll calm down enough to extract the logic from the emotion and write something meaningful, but at the moment it’s just a heaping pile of anger and incredulousness – it’s best to keep those pent up inside, where they can fester quietly as a mental illness.

So, there’s nothing to see here. If you want something to see, you should check out my #rando tumblr – there’s lots to laugh at over there. Here, not so much. I’m at home with a yucky sinus cold and all I want to do is sleep and drill a hole into my face, but I have to taxi Ed around in a couple hours so I should probably hose the grossness off. Not the best start to a much-needed long weekend, but I’ll take it (and milk the whining for all it’s worth).

To the tumblrs with you!

the era of boners is upon us

I’ve been using Rando since I posted about it last week, and I had been struck by several things – receiving new pictures took forever, and there was an extremely surprising lack of boners. You would think that, given the anonymous picture-sharing nature of the app, boners would be among the very first images sent out (guys just love to take pictures of their junk – seriously, what’s up with that) – but no. No boners. I received dozens of pictures, but not a single erection. As I am a somewhat closeted conspiracy theorist, there was only one possible reason for both the innocent nature of every image I received AND the length of time it took to get a response: someone was manually screening the random photos and deleting any naughty scenes. 

My second theory was that someone had invented the world’s most powerful anti-boner algorithm, but that’s not as exciting as a room full of people hunched over big CRT screens from 1970 and manually approving or banishing images while The Ride of the Valkyries was piped in over a scratchy PA system.

Over the weekend, Rando’s response time improved significantly. Now I was receiving new images as fast as I could send them, which made my new project much more interesting (a Tumblr of Rando images with imagined backstory). This is good, right? Maybe they upgraded their servers or something! Faster performance is more better! Everyone wins!

It’s a happy theory, but my version of reality is probably closer to the truth: someone at the switch threw the towel in. Besieged by a never-ending onslaught of boners, the person doing the sorting went mad and ran screaming from the room; gibbering and foaming at the mouth and yelling about dicks.

I received my first Rando boner today.

It is not at all impressive. It’s kind of shiny and sad looking. I will not be posting it on my Rando Tumblr, because it’s more pathetic than interesting (but I’ll send it directly to you if you want to see it).

So, boners are happening. I am amused, anticipating, and apprehensive, all at once.