No wonder guys hate wearing ties so much – how can you show any cleavage if you’re all bundled up in a tie?
no talent ass clown
This is the most covered up I’ve been since .. um .. before I got boobs, probably. 1979 or so.
We’re having an Office Space party at work today, complete with printer scene. It’s gonna be awesome – pictures to come, I hope.
I’m Out vs. I’m In – what’s the difference?
I’m Out has a long list of excuses things that have more meaning in his life than a night out drinking terrible beer with strangers, whereas I’m In has a long list of casual acquaintances who wouldn’t be able to tell you his last name.
I’m Out has paperwork – mortgage papers, offers of employment, ticket stubs from concerts and games – and well, so does I’m In: paternity tests, final notices, citations for public drunkenness, STD medication, phone numbers from desperate women who are a hard-ridden 4 at best.
I’m Out is up bright and early to go to his awesome job that pays him the salary that funds his comfortable and fun life and allows him to go on trips or buy new toys, whereas I’m In is still out (cold on a bench in a park and moments away from being asked to “move along, sir” with the help of a beat stick).
Sure, sometimes I’m In makes it home in one piece and with all his clothing intact, but he’d have way better stories .. if he could actually remember what happened last night before he blacked out in a puddle of someone else’s vomit.
I’m In is a total collar-popping douchebag who has no respect for anyone (especially himself).
I’m Out, by virtue of not wanting to go to the bar to drink Bud Light on a fucking weeknight, is somehow supposed to look lame in comparison.
I know which one I’D rather mount at night. How about you?
Last month I stumbled upon Hatchcraft, makers of bamboo shadow boxes to display your Instagram photos. I immediately ordered a bunch of them, because getting prints of my iPhone images makes me very, very happy. They arrived last week, but I’ve been too busy admiring them to mention it until now:
click to embiggen the pretty
Besides the delicious irony of using Hipstamatic to take pictures of my Instagram prints, the boxes are *gorgeous*. Hatchcraft prints your images on special photo paper of extreme fanciness for long lasting pretty, and the boxes themselves are made of bamboo and come in three shades of woodiness. I ordered four, but one was a print of this picture of Hobbs that I ordered specifically for Ed, since they are completely gay for each other. The other three are for my desk and feature some of my favourite Instagram shots I’ve taken. I’m really impressed with how they turned out – if you’re looking for an awesome way to display some of your pretties, get some Boo Boxes from Hatchcraft. Your images will show up on the Gallery – you can see what I and other people have ordered. Fun!
Hipstamatic also does photo printing – they come in sets of 9 in a neat package that doubles as a display. I’ve decided that I am doing an Art Installation, so I’ve ordered a bunch of Hipstamatic prints that all fall into a theme – I’m going to mount them somewhere, and call it Art. I can do that, right? I am a sensitive artist!
I like iPhone photography.
sequins, strips and ruffles - around here, that's business formal
I caved and bought myself a pair of black sequined suspenders, figuring that I could never have too many sequins and sometimes my skirts do fall down. They’re not exactly what I was looking for (and I’m still short 4 pairs), but if I’m gonna dress up as anything I’m gonna do it my way – and my way includes sequins. Besides, I can wear them at the Expo 86 Party (to which you all must attend coz it’s going to be super fun). I assume I’ll have to wear them WITH something, which I will have to figure out soon – I try not to remember what I looked like in 1986, let alone revisit the era.
That’s all I got. It’s a dull Tuesday around these parts.
Ed said I should keep my Got Craft display under wraps until the show, but that is considerably less fun than showing everyone immediately.
So, a compromise: here is a piece of my new display!
fun with lego !
Fun!
I will not be at the following locations on Wednesday:
That is all.
It’s not that I don’t CARE about hockey, and I do want the Canucks to win so I can shake the theory that they’re the Team Abuse of the NHL (you won’t get that analogy unless you were a hardcore competitive gamer in the North American Quake 3 scene circa 2002), but .. y’know, I’m busy. Too busy to drop everything and worry myself drunk over hockey. Ed has informed me that we’ll be getting NHL Center Ice again next season, so I’m kind of really looking forward to the end of the playoffs so I can have a couple months of peace and also stop wearing Khabubulin‘s goalie mask during sex.
We leave for Cuba in 13 days, and I have not yet started packing. This is an extreme show of restraint on my part, as I take chronic early packing to a whole other level (I usually start two months before departure). That ends soon, though – my suitcase is hideous and ready to be stuffed, and I’ve already started hording portable toiletries to bring for cleanliness purposes. I remembered that solid shampoo bars from Lush are amazing, and I’ve got my other various lotions and ointments in smaller jars for travel time fun. I don’t plan on wearing pants the entire time we’re in Cuba, so that should help – pants take up a lot of room, but dresses and bathing suits are small and squishy. I have a bad habit of over-packing, so I should probably get my vacation wardrobe sorted out .. like, tonight. After I vote, I will pack. If I don’t pack now, I might forget everything and that would be horrible. I’m starting to panic about it, actually. I wonder if I could go home early to pack? Oh god.
I do have a question for you, internet: do we need shots before we leave? Ed and I have never vacationed tropically, so we’ve never had to get shots for various terrifying diseases such as:
AHH! All of those things sound horrible! Do I need to get needles to keep the nasty bugs away? Will I come home with a thousand tropical and communist diseases? Or should I get us to a clinic immediately and be pumped full of Super Soldier DNA in the hopes of keeping the foul toxins at bay?
Seriously, I’m kind of lost here. Advise me, internet!
The Friday and Saturday of my long weekend were fantastic, but Sunday is proving to be a royal pain in my ass.
I had a huge list of things I needed to do/find this weekend, and I left most of it to the last minute. This wasn’t for lack of trying, but all previous attempts were met with complete failure. I was confident that Sunday would be My Day (move over, Jebus) and I would knock all my objectives out of the park and into my plans, which included a well-deserved Mexican Scramble (with extra salsa) from Deacon’s Corner.
Did you know it is completely impossible to find suspenders in this town? And LEGO?
I need 5 pairs of suspenders for work. I didn’t think they would be difficult to find, but just in case I had a big list of places I could look. I started on Saturday morning with the first and surely last of my stops – Dressew. I had never been to Dressew before, but I was assured they would have all I needed and more.
I don’t know that I’ve ever been quite so overwhelmed by a single store before – my GOD there was a lot of stuff in there. I didn’t even begin to look at fabric; there was just too much else to see. I spent a goodly amount of time in there looking at everything, and found many things I didn’t even know I needed:
All awesome stuff, and all completely unnecessary (except for the chain). I failed at suspenders, though – the only ones I could find were sequined, which would be perfect and awesome at any other time but not suited to my current needs. Disappointing and ultimately the first of my 5 suspender-related failures this weekend; I am without the ability to hold up my pants (or the pants of my co-workers) and completely vexed at the lack of suspenders in this stupid city. I did find two pairs at Value Village, but they were baby-sized and mysteriously stained – not what I was going for. I did manage to hit the suspender jackpot at Zellers, but I need 5 pairs for an 8-hour joke – $20/pair is way, way outside my budget. So close and yet so far!
Suspenders were only part of my weekend failure – the other is LEGO. I need to buy or borrow a LEGO base board for Got Craft on May 8th, but I can’t seem to find one anywhere. They’re all over the place online, but I don’t want to tempt fate and the shipping gods this close to the show – I need to source one locally. Shouldn’t be too hard, right? Except stores don’t seem to sell LEGO pieces; just complete sets. Second-hand stores is a good idea, but someone out there is hording all the suspenders and LEGO pieces that come in and leaving none for anyone else. FIE on that person! He or she is a jerk.
The weekend wasn’t a total wash, though. I managed to make almost 50 pieces for Got Craft, get my hands on a black lace tutu, find Easter candy on sale, enjoy two gorgeous days of riding, have brunch with fun people AND pop my Dressew cherry. Add in Friday’s Top Secret Elopement and my plan to be naked until at least 8am tomorrow morning, and you’ve got a relatively satisfied (if somewhat frustrated) Kimli. Can’t complain, really (but I will anyway because goddamnit I need suspenders and LEGO).
ed's breakfast: the pancake bacon burrito (with syrup)
As far as Good Fridays go, this one has been a day to remember. A day off work, fantastic weather, and an afternoon spent with two beautiful people getting married – what more could I ask for?
The story isn’t mine to tell, but today Ed and I got to be witnesses at a top secret elopement for people we had just met. Everything was perfect, and it was so much fun to play photographer and witness all in one. I love the internet – it made something like this possible, and it was so cool to be a part of. Hooray!
The day is still young, so we’re off to ride. Ed is still getting used to his motorcycle and I’m not one to turn down a ride on a perfect sunny afternoon. I’m all warm and happy on the inside, there are 8L of Diet Coke in the fridge, and everything in my world is the way it should be and that is supremely satisfying.
LOVE ME
You know what is no good at all?
Realizing you have no hot water ..
.. AFTER you’ve already applied the hair dye.
I woke up early this morning to tackle the issue of my unruly 2″ long multi-coloured roots. I meant to do it last night, but that just wasn’t going to happen – the couch was calling my name, and getting wet just seemed like such a hassle. I don’t particularly want to give up my Thursday night before a long weekend for grooming, but I have Top Secret Plans for Friday that requires me to look halfway decent – so dyeing my hair this morning seemed like a really good idea.
I’ve been dyeing my hair for so long that I can prep the goo in my sleep, which is basically what I did. Open the box, spread out the goods, undo the lid on the conditioner tube and stick it in the shower, twist off various tops, snap on the latex, and away we go. It’s a routine dye job; nothing special or fancy – I gooped myself up good and proper, removed the gloves, and went to wash my hands.
Gee, that water is pretty cold. Didn’t I turn on the hot water? I did, but that is not even slightly warm.
Uh oh.
I went into the kitchen and checked – same thing; the water coming out of the hot pipe was ice cold. SHIT. There was nothing I could do about it, so I just sat down and waited for the water to warm up. Maybe by the time my hair is done cooking the hot water will come back!
Or, you know, maybe not! 25 minutes later, the water was even COLDER. I needed to get my day started, so I did the only thing I could do – stick my head under the ice fucking cold stream and rinse all the dye out. I applied the conditioner to keep my locks silken and glossy, quickly washed the rest of me, then ran my head under again; swearing the whole time. COLD! SO COLD! It was utterly inhuman, and I’m still shivering. Never again will I attempt to do anything that requires a full body rinse without checking the temperature first. There was no reason to suspect we had no hot water, but now I don’t trust anyone. You’ve ruined me, hot water. I hope you’re happy.
I know it could have been worse – at least we had water at all. I can’t imagine what I’d have done if I was completely unable to rinse at all; I’d probably be bald by now. Scary. Okay, water. You’re forgiven – it could have been so much worse. Don’t cross me again, though – I am not beyond attempting to shower in Diet Coke.
I am somewhat self conscious today: because my allergies have been so bad, I opted to not wear eye makeup. I never leave the house without a full compliment of bright green shadows and powders, and I feel utterly naked without them. I think my eyes are too small for my face, so I attempt to hide them under layers of liner – backwards I know, but I think it helps even if I probably look like a clown. It makes me feel more put together, and without it I feel as though I look terrible and asleep. I wish I had the confidence to go outside without a full face of makeup, but I just don’t.
It doesn’t help that I’ve had people ask me today if I got new glasses, because I look different – oh god, they can tell! I look horrible with my beady little naked eyes! I should just wear sunglasses for the rest of the day. What? It’s sunny out!
i look wrong.
My name is Kimli. I live on the internet and also in Vancouver. I like to write words, play video games, and ride my scooter. I also like Diet Coke and explosive hyperbole.
I blog all the time at Delicious Juice Dot Com, and some of the time on the Tumblrs.
