with parts made in japan

I don’t know if you’ve seen this infomercial, but I’ll wait here while you check it out:

While you’re at it, you should probably check out this spot-on rebuttal to the Cami Secret (aka the worst invention ever):

Okay, then. Now that you’re all caught up ..

I think I might need to invest in some Cami Secrets of my own.

No, seriously. Hear me out.

Those things are hideous, but I think I might need them. It’s easy to laugh at myself – oh look, I’m so inappropriate – but what most people fail to realize is that I’m like that ALL THE TIME. It’s one thing to look like a shameless hussy when I’m out with my friends, but another all together when I’m at work and I think I might have to Do Something about it. I can’t imagine it’s really affecting my career all that much, but I don’t really want to become a joke in the office because of my massive funbags, y’know?

So when I first saw the Cami Secret infomercial on TV, I was incredulous .. then speculative. It might work. One of the reasons I’m always overexposed is because I hate wearing layers – the other reasons all have to do with not getting enough attention as a child and pure hilarity – so a stupidly named piece of fabric attached to my bra straps might just solve the problem for everyone: I could cover up a little without having things bunching all up in my business, and you wouldn’t be involuntarily subjected to my dirty pillows on a daily basis. Just see for yourself how this stupid boner killer could work wonders:

this is no good for anyone

I think you will agree that this look, while clearly stunning and enviable, is sometimes not appropriate. I wouldn’t intentionally dress like this for work, a wedding, a funeral, grocery shopping, Tuesday – yet I do, because it’s all I know. But look what happens when I use a boob apron:

viewer discretion totally not necessary!

Awesome, right? It’s fun for everyone! No more averting your eyes from my monkey mounds! I am Safe for All Ages! The Pope himself would not be visually offended by my presence (my love of gays and abortions and disdain for pedophilia might get in the way of any lasting friendship, though)! This is something I should look into further. If I could make some sort of Cami Secret knock-off that wasn’t, say, hideously ugly, I might actually wear it and be rated E for Everyone instead of my current triple X throwdown. It’s something to think about, anyway.

Or I could just keep on keeping on, and share my lady prizes with everyone always. That would certainly be easier, and kind of fun – your scorn is amusing to me, old lady in Safeway! I laugh at your sneers, clearly jealous girls in the mall! Your indiscreet “daaaaaaaaaaaaamn” makes me snort, drunk guys at the county fair!

Maybe this IS fun for everyone after all.

9 thoughts on “with parts made in japan

  1. I looked and looked at the two photos, and couldn’t spot the difference, and then it was obvious : different necklaces.

    For a better effect, try the Cami-Cazi. All you need is some safety pins. When those lecherous gazes get too intense, slowly pull off your panties, tuck them in over the distractions, just like the Cami Secret, secure with safety pins, and there you go.

  2. That SFW boob photo is still kinda NSFW. Which is why I love you so.

    I think it just may be impossible to cover you up. Else your funbags may explode fun everywhere.

    Thank God I didn’t watch the videos at work, I snorted repeatedly at the parody.

  3. Well, I will start off by saying that I know how u feel about the “being appropriate” thing. I too am very sexual and dirty mouthed 24/7 and have to censor myself in different settings. Its hard sometimes and sometimes i feel like im not realy being me, but what can u do? The way u have describe urself in ur blogs here makes me want to become ur new BFF, cuz my brain functions exactly the same way, LOL. I cant even imagine the crazy shit that would be said and done if u and I actualy got to hang out at some point. ; )
    Anywho, about ur rockin tits. I understand the need to “dress more modestly” in work and other types of situations, so boob aprons and products like in the above video (snicker) are good for things like that. I totaly understand the need for them.
    But me, well, I am boob man, A BIIIIIG BOOB MAN, like they could suffocate me in my sleep, kinda big. So needless to say, your boobs are the kind my sex dreams are made of, LOL.
    That being said, I am the kinda guy that realy loves chicks like u who tend to show off ur amazing tits. Granted u do run the risk of neggative atention and attention from some dudes u dont realy want atention from. But guys like me, will just be nice, polite and try not to stare at ur boobs to the point of missing what ur saying LOL! Meanwhile our “inner dude” is sitting, mouth gaped open, drooling on his own boner, while trying to imagine what u boobs look like, feel like, taste like, etc. LOL!
    So I guess what im trying to say is, on behalf of big tit lovers like me, plz feel free to keep on showing, when u can, all the splendor and glory that is your rockin tits. We greatly appriciate it. ; )

      • Im sorry to say but, no I dont live in BC, I live in Minnesota. And yes I am married. I appreciate the intrest tho. Another time, another place, who knows? I hope that wont prevent us from possibly become friends anyway. U must be cool if ur readin this chicks blog. LOL! Hit me up, my Twitter handle is next to my name. ; )

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