running with scissors is for amateurs

Some people run with scissors, but that isn’t nearly hardcore enough for me – I defy safety and common sense by riding my scooter, without a helmet, while carrying scissors IN MY MOUTH*.

Oh yeah.

I’m the man.

I had several errands to run today, all with a connective tissue theme of making other people happy. One of the errands was to pick up the goodbye cake I ordered for our office assistant, who left the company today. I ordered a cake from Cupcakes, mostly because their website is fantastic – you can build the cake online from all available options, and the price is right there for you to see as you go. Plus, I know their goods are delicious and pretty AND I didn’t have to actually talk to anyone on the phone because I hate that.

Knowing that driving my car into the office for the sole purpose of fetching a cake would be a $40 endeavor, I opted to just take my scooter. After all, it’s just a cake and Lola’s bucket holds a surprising amount of stuff – it should be a snap!

Behold the snap:

ummm
no lie, the cake is fucking huge

I VASTLY underestimated the size of a 13″ cake, and there was no way it was going to fit in Lola’s bucket. It was also far too large to fit on the floorboard, which was Plan B. There was no one I could call for help, so I made an Executive Decision: the cake would go on the back of my two-person seat, and I would use gravity and sheer will to keep it in place. The Cupcake Girl was beside herself with hilarity and concern that anyone would be so ridiculous to attempt this, and was worried about the cake. She offered to get some string and came back with ribbon, tying the box down to my bars. It was precarious and risky and I spent the entire time terrified that I would crash and lose the cake or sit back too far and crush it with my mighty scooter armour, BUT! The Cupcake Girl’s ribbon and my extreme caution prevailed, and the cake arrived at my office in one delicious and huge piece:

it’s chocolate and strawberry mmmm

Everything worked out perfectly, and I got to have delicious cake AND a hilarious story to go along with it. Today is a good day!

*: I do not advocate riding a scooter without a helmet, carrying scissors in your mouth, or any combination of the two – it was a desperate situation and the ride was about 100 feet. Normally I’d never do either of those things, and you really shouldn’t either.

One thought on “running with scissors is for amateurs

  1. Pingback: mmxi in review « delicious juice dot com: unapologetically inappropriate

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