Category Archives: everyday kimli

my jam

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The following things are currently my jam:

  • Every label artist collaborating on an album together? Yes please.
  • This idea to donate new or gently used slow cookers to the DTES, where they’ll be distributed to residents who’ve been taught how to make affordable, healthy meals using the power of slow heat
  • This actual jam (but don’t pay that price, it’s like $4 in Trader Joe’s or $5 at Pirate Joe’s)
  • I’ve been listening to a lot of Dessa lately because she’s awesome and she used to be a technical writer, so my dream of one day being a hip hop superstar lives on
  • These wrap bracelets are sparkly and fun and look pretty awesome, along with some great customer service and super fast shipping
  • The cast of the upcoming female Ghostbusters movie
  • Excitement over taking the train to Seattle tomorrow evening and staying in a Fancy Hotel (I’m crashing Ed’s work trip, I only pay for travel if London is involved)
  • This song
  • Crying for no reason
  • Insomnia

Not all of my jams are delicious.

?

199 days

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.. that’s how long I made it without wearing pants to work. I started this job on July 7th of last year, and until today, had not once worn pants to the office. Today, I broke that streak with some shameful (but really cute) jeans I bought last weekend. I can see my lack of thigh-gap, and I am flummoxed.

No real updates on the lung front, other than my growing suspicion that I have tuberculosis. Going to a walk-in clinic was a waste of time, the sleep test was a waste of time, and everything is a giant fucking hassle. In the meantime, I still can’t sleep when I’m all rattly, and I’m coughing up jellyfish.

Pants, though. That’s the real news.

oh kolkata

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Well, now I need to go to Calcutta Kolkata:

kimli-chinese-thai-restaurant

Apparently I’m a Chinese-Thai restaurant of questionable quality. From a write-up in a local paper:

The Kimli special, however, is Chimney Soup — a clear soup with mushroom, chicken, prawn, fish and crab along with glass (silky) noodles.

“Chimney Soup is one of the fast movers. Many also like our Thai Soup, which is a bit spicy and thick,” says restaurant manager Bidyut Denra.

Spicy and thick, JUST LIKE ME.

Seriously, do I know anyone who knows anyone anywhere near Kolkata? I want many pictures of this sign. I may make it my life mission to get to this sign and stand under it with a smug sense of self-satisfaction. Bucket list! This is a bucket list thing!

Where do I catch the bus to Kolkata?

is this a review, or personal advice?

is this a review, or personal advice?

classic kimli

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That thing where you don’t eat all day then when you finally get a chance you inhale something so quickly your body rejects it like a baboon heart and you literally vomit into the remnants of the LAST time you did this, all in the parking lot of a pet food store.

I am not having a good day.

bagged

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We’re getting rid of our old futon, and I’m trying to find a suitable replacement sitting platform to go in my lady cave. Ed and I have been discussing various sitting options for a while, and today he reminded me about bean bag chairs and how I totally love bean bag chairs. Right! A bean bag chair would be awesome in my lady cave, would allow for a lot of dramatic flopping (accompanied by heaving sighs), and could be used as a bed in a pinch. With visions of squishy sacs in my head, I went a-Googling.

If money was no object, I would totally love to get a Love Sac. I’ve sat/slept/cuddled on them before, and they’re great – but also really expensive. Like, for the price of the setup I want, I could get a $1300 hooker bot (or 1300 $1 hooker bots). That seems like an ill-advised way to spend a lot of money, so I moved down the list of luxury.

Next up were Sumo Bean Bags. These are a great deal cheaper, and while they don’t come in fluffy faux-fur form, they’ve got a bunch of solid colours to choose from. The Sumo was pretty high on my list, until I spent some time on their website:

sorry, our bean bags only work if you are eagle spread

sorry, our bean bags only work if you are eagle spread

Picture after picture of girls hunched over, showing boob, sitting with their legs open, and being all sultry. Why. Why is this necessary. Compare that with every other beanbag site – even other sites that are marketing specifically towards gamers – and you see regular people bean bagging without trying to make you think of vagina. No thanks, Sumo. I’ll take my money elsewhere.

The last two brands that made my list are FatBoy and CordaRoy. I’ve use FatBoy chairs before (I have a great deal more bean bag experience than I realized), and a friend just got a CordaRoy bag she swears by. Both are reasonably priced (when compared to LoveSac, anything that doesn’t require a second mortgage is now considered reasonable), but I’m torn:

  • CR bags are also a bed – they unzip into a sleeping pad. I like sleeping, so this appeals to me
  • FB bags come in pretty patterns! I like pretty things, so this appeals to me
  • FB doesn’t ship to Canada (annoying but not a deal breaker, I have resources), but CR does
  • CR would be more useful (see: bed), but is twice the price of the FB I want

So, I don’t know. This time yesterday I was sold on a love seat, and now I’m looking at tits and bean bags and I’m all turned around. I think I’ll go pick up my mail and think this through.

Are there any other bean baggery options I have not considered? Share! Bonus points if the website isn’t dripping in cheesy sex poses!

 

so on trend

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I hate it when I’m accidentally trendy.

I’ve been planning a solo trip (you’ll never guess where) since last year, and apparently, solo travel is a hot new feminist trend. Well, that’s annoying. I’ll be the first to admit I’m a proud card-carrying feminist, but trendy? Eww, no. And why now? I would have thought that everyone did all their Eat, Pray, Love-ing between 2006 and 2010, when dropping everything to find yourself was all the rage. A new movie along the exact same lines just came out (Wild, which is not to be confused with The Wild [talking animals in New York], or Into the Wild [man vs wilderness, potato wins], or Into the Woods [every actor ever, in a fairy tale]), but didn’t seem to make that big a splash – definitely not enough to start a whole trend, anyway.

My motives for taking a solo trip won’t make for a good Hollywood movie on account of my not being a rich white woman trying to find herself after a bitter divorce, but I think they’re still good reasons full of logic and only-child justifications:

  • Ed has no interest in going to London again
  • I’ve been to London with friends, with Ed, and with friends AND Ed – never by myself
  • Every time I’ve gone, there are things I want to do that are dropped from the itinerary for the sake of time or peace-keeping
  • I’ve never travelled by myself before
  • I’m a rich white woman trying to find herself after a bitter divorce
  • Why the hell not?
  • Adventure!

See, all good reasons (and almost entirely factual). I don’t know when the trip will happen (outside of “sometime this year”) or how long it’ll be, but I’m already excited about it. An unknown number of days alone with my camera and the voices inside my head! Oh, the online content that’ll come out of that. I will be amusing to myself for days!

I haven’t been neglecting the Q&A book, but none of the questions were enough to warrant a post in the middle of the week. What you missed:

  • Last restaurant you went to: Five Guys. Delicious!
  • You are lucky. Why or why not?: I’m most definitely lucky, and grateful for all that I have. I have the freedom to work, live, and love how I choose. I have the means to plan exotic adventures, and a partner who mostly understands (or claims to understand) what makes me tick. I have a very comfortable lifestyle, adorable cats, and 18 bottles of Diet Coke in the car. I am a lucky Kimli. I should remind myself of that daily.
  • What song is stuck in your head?: Um, none. Sometimes I get Taylor Swift’s Blank Space stuck in my head, but that’s because I’m only human.
  • Was today typical? Why or why not?: It was a typical Saturday – we slept in, then ran errands in the afternoon, then spent the evening in front of various screens. The only truly non-typical aspect to it was Ed tuning into the footballs, to see if the Seahawks would make it to the football-equivalent of the Stanley Cup finals. They did! So, that was odd (the football, not the winning).
  • Today was tough because _____: .. I didn’t get any mail. Seriously, that’s it. Oh, and Ed pulled a muscle in his neck and has limited mobility, so most of today was kind of like hanging out with a Ken doll. Also, I’m still itchy as all hell from the penicillin reaction and I’m none to pleased about it. Today was tough, okay.
  • The best part of today?: (all these questions originally had dates, but I can’t remember what I did an hour ago let alone Monday so you’re getting responses for today only) Hanging out with Ed all afternoon was pretty fun, muscle pulling and all. We had delicious burgers and tested out mattresses (not like that) and debated love seat placement and wrote a Canadian Heritage Moment about Johan Yield, inventor of the Yield Sign. Laughs were had! Later, I had a selfie epiphany. Not at all bad for a regular old trendy Saturday in January.

none today, either.

 

he says she says

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Has anyone ever taken part in a sleep study? Will they look the other way if you have a wet dream?

If you don’t want to read about the seamy going-ons in the Delicious Juice Dot Bedroom, look away now:

Ed and I have been sleeping in separate beds for the past couple of months. It started out as a nice gesture, because we were both terribly sick at different times – one or the other of us would move to the futon or the couch and let the other thrash about the bed in peace and delirium. However, as time goes on, we’ve found ourselves getting really used to the whole “separate bed” thing: I kind of love not getting elbowed in the face, and Ed likes not hearing me snore.

For reasons that are probably incredibly stupid, I am mortified to acknowledge that I quite possibly snore. Fat old bald men snore, not delicate flowers in their busty prime. Guys with hairy shoulders and gravy stains on their undershirts snore. Middle-aged guys with beach ball bellies. Men who wear Speedos with no sense of irony. They snore. Ralph Kramden snores. Not me.

But, according to Ed, I snore. I snore loudly enough to keep him awake or wake him up, even with ear plugs in. He gets mad and huffy when my snoring wakes him up, so he wakes me up – and then I get pissed off because I was soundly asleep until he started sighing like the world’s biggest martyr. He feels like I’m snoring on purpose (however that works), and I feel like he’s maliciously waking me up because HE can’t sleep so why should I. Enter the separate bedrooms, and how we haven’t killed each other yet.

Ed is worried that my snoring goes deeper than chainsaws, though – he thinks I have sleep apnea. This is a further source of embarrassment for me, and makes me feel really terrible about myself because of the aforementioned stereotypes: clearly if I have sleep apnea, I am a gross fat old fatty fat fat who is fat. I don’t want to sleep hooked up to a machine (that’s how Skynet started), Ed doesn’t want to share a bed with me if I won’t man up and breathe properly, and everything makes me full of sad and shame and self-loathing. Basically, I’m a sleepy fucking party over here.

There’s also the small matter of my office: I want it back. I have a ridiculous new retina iMac I can’t fully enjoy because there’s man junk all over my stuff. He’s keeping me from my phone booth! It’s not fair.

I didn’t know that sleep monitoring mostly happens at home now, so I’ve made an appointment to see about getting a referral. I’m hoping whatever my deal is can be fixed without turning me into Robocop, because we don’t really have the space for us to maintain separate bedrooms. I may not miss Ed’s elbows and Salad Fingers, but I do miss cuddling. And penis. Penis is great.

Still feeling that shame, though.

this is what it looks like inside my head

oh those monday blues

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Isn’t the most depressing day of the year coming up soon? It’s something to look forward to, anyway.

I’ve got a pretty bad case of the Mondays, but the best part of today was receiving the deed to my single square foot of Hawaii 2:

come visit me!

come visit me!

I have big, big plans for this square foot. I don’t know when I’ll ever get to Maine, let alone to the island, but if I do .. well, just you wait. Big plans. Square foot. Hawaii 2.

change

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Today’s question: Can people change?

I want to believe that people can change, but the cynic in me thinks it happens in one of two ways:

  • Pure lip service
  • A true change, but one that happens too late to really count

I keep thinking about Leelah Alcorn, and specifically, her family. One day, her parents are going to realize they drove their daughter to suicide. On their death beds, will they regret their actions and words? Will they repent – change – and wish they had accepted Leelah as she was? When Leelah’s brothers and sisters grow up and get out into the world, will they realize what they lost? Will it make them turn against their parents? Has it already started?

What a lot of people consider “change” is really just growth. I don’t think I’ve changed over the last 20 years. I’ve grown, definitely – my experiences have shaped the person I am today. Fundamentally though, I haven’t changed. The parts that make me who I am – both physical and psychological – are the same as it ever was. Yes, everything I do today is flavoured by my yesterday, but I don’t think I’ve really changed.

True change is possible, but it takes a special sort of person to see past their conditioning and actively embrace change. Those that need it most are often the last to catch up, if ever. Then again, maybe change and growth are more similar than I give them credit for. My only true point of reference is my own life, which isn’t a terribly broad sample size.

five sails

five sails

mission

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Happy New Year! I hope your holidays were full of fun and glitter, as all things should be. I’m not really looking forward to returning to the Real World on Monday, but we’ll never get to the glory of spring and summer and fall if we don’t suffer through the glory of winter (sorry, but the weather here has been nothing short of spectacular).

I’m hoping to get to my usual End of the Year posts in the next week – my annual “how much did I spent on iTunes apps” tally, and the big round up of all the things that did or didn’t happen this year. They’re a pain in the ass and a ton of work, but .. well, tradition. So I have to do it, because tradition. Don’t question these things.

Another year-end tradition: a review of my 2014 goals, and setting some for the upcoming year. I didn’t have all that many, on account of a terrible mood when trying to recap – but here they are:

  • Travel: I’m going to London. In June. This is a no longer up for debate – I’ll go by myself if I have to, but in June I’ll be 8 hours in the future and my Instagram feed will be delightful.

I did this! And it was as delightful as advertised! I don’t know if you guys know this, but I LOVE LONDON.

  • Riding: I am going to get my Class 6 license this year. If all goes according to plan, I’ll have it before summer, and then I will spend all non-London time on two wheels, going both near and far (hopefully far).

I did this, too! It was hilarious and difficult and not without many bruises and a killer cold, but I emerged with a full Class 6 license to riiiiiiide.

  • Kittens: I’m getting a kitten. I want a kitten RIGHT NOW (it will do wonders for this black mood I’m in), but I see the logic in waiting until After London. 

I did in fact manage to hold off the kitten lust until after our London trip, and on August 3rd we brought home Piccadilly Circus who is presently curled up against my leg and happy as several hairy clams. She is awesome, and I adore her.

  • Since I’ve conquered the world of promotions, I sure would love to conquer the world of getting a raise.

I either set really easy goals, or I knocked 2014 out of the park – I did this, too. I finally got a raise to go with the aforementioned promotion, and then I got a new job that came with an additional raise. All these raises and new jobs are adorable little peanuts compared to what Ed did this year work-wise, but that’s his story to tell – I’m just an innocent bystander who reaps the benefits.

So, what do I want to get out of 2015? I’m not really sure yet! Let me sleep on it, because if I try to write the list now, it’ll come out sort of like this: London London London London London London London London London London London London London London London London London London London London London etc.

Oh! One other thing. I bought this book last week, which has 365 questions in it. I’ve missed writing daily, so .. I’m gonna try to answer the questions. Here. Not on paper. What is this, 1824?

Fittingly, the question for January 1st is What is your mission?

I don’t so much have a mission statement as I do a bunch of bullet points:

  • Do no harm
  • Be kind
  • Always be happy – and if I’m not happy, actively work towards it
  • Never go A2M
  • Find my purpose

That’s a good start, I think.

Happy 2015, y’all.

a warm glowing warming glow