iphone + boobs = science

The iPhone 6 and 6+ launched today. While every website on the internet is abuzz with the new phones, Delicious Juice Dot Com is (probably) the only blog to bring you what you really want to know: how will the new devices fit inside your bra?

For Science, and because I neglected to do so when I upgraded from the 4s to a 5, here is how the iPhone 5s fits in my left bra cup (the default holding location when I don’t have pockets):

ed's iphone 5s in my bra. for science.

ed’s iphone 5s in my bra. for science.

It’s not a bad or uncomfortable fit, but it’s blocky with edges and is kinda like stuffing your bra with Lego. Still, this has been my standard for years now, and if you do anything long enough you forget what life was like before.

Behold the iPhone 6:

my phone, my bra.

my phone, my bra.

Oh, YES. THIS is a device I could happy shove into my tits any time of the day – it’s silky smooth, delightfully rounded, and fits like a flat expensive glove. It feels much like the iPhone 3GS did, and that was a lovely device to stuff in your cleavage. I enjoyed this experiment far more than I should have, actually. A++++++, would carry around in my bra again.

On the other hand:

tyson's phone, my bra.

tyson’s phone, my bra.

The 6+ in my bra is fucking ridiculous. I may as well shove my laptop in there. I have larger bras than the average bear on account of the universe having a delightful sense of humour, but even I couldn’t comfortably carry around a 6+ in there. This just looks silly (unlike the other pictures, which are obviously for educational purposes).

So there you have it – if you’re looking to get a new phone based on what will fit comfortably in your bra, I hope my experiments will help you.


will it fit?

If you’re at all like me (and if you are, congratulations!), you have just two questions about the new iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus:

  1. Will it fit in my bra?
  2. Will it hurt less when I drop it on my face in bed?

While I can’t do anything about the face-dropping until I have the new device in my hands, I can prepare myself and my underwear for storage. Just like going from the 3GS to the 4 required some cold hard science, so too will going from a 5s to a 6 – and for the first time, there are two screen sizes to choose from. How can I make any decisions at all until I know how it’ll fit under my shirt? I can’t, that’s how.

Luckily, I am not the only person who is curious as to the hands-on reality of the new phones. While I may be the only one setting aside time tomorrow to put myself in very real danger of areolaial (shut up, that’s a word) paper cuts, the fine people at WonderHowTo have released a downloadable print-and-cut-out sheet so you can get a good idea of how the new devices will fit in your hands before September 19th.

If mere paper won’t satisfy your questions, you can also ask amongst your non-Apple friends. The new iPhone 6 has the same screen size as the Nexus 4, and the 6 Plus is the same as the OnePlus One (and the Samsung Galaxy Note II, if you don’t happen to work with people who always have the latest and greatest toys). Neither the other phones nor the cut out will give you a great idea of the weight, thickness, or feel of the new Apple phones, but it’ll give you something to do while you wait to pre-order on the 12th (or stand in line like a chump on the 19th).

As for myself, I’m torn. I don’t know what size I will end up getting (speaking of which, anyone want to buy my 5s?) – every time I talk myself into a decision, I change my mind a minute later. The 6 will work better in my tiny elf hands (on the current 4″ screen, my thumb can barely reach the opposite end of the device in portrait mode), but the new layout and functionality in landscape iOS8 is pretty sexy. Both phones come in 128GB (I let out a squeak of joy at that announcement – fucking FINALLY!), both phones have an amazing new camera .. I just don’t know. And I only have three days to figure it out (and 10 days to get a new bra for the cold hard science).

Man oh man I love tech toys!

PS: Thanks Harms!