life hack

If you’re anything like me, you’re completely awesome. Also, you have an iPhone and use Apple’s Safari in Private Mode as your porn-only browser. This, plus the fact that every single link you open on your phone will open in Safari by default, means you may have hundreds of tabs open. This isn’t really a big deal – the tabs aren’t clogging up your phone tubes or anything – but I like having a clean browser (content browsed notwithstanding). Closing each tab is a pain in the ass, and simply leaving them open is not an option. Sure, you can jailbreak your phone to force the device to accept Chrome as your default browser, but jailbreaking isn’t for everyone. What do you do when you need to close all your Safari tabs in a hurry (say, when the afterglow has worn off and you need to hide the shame of getting off at from even yourself)?

I stumbled upon a neat feature one regret-filled evening not too long ago. If you long-press the tab button in Safari, an option to close all tabs at once appears:

Tap and hold that button to remain in denial about your fetishes. You can even do it with one hand, which is helpful when mistakes are made. Sticky ones. Ones that seemed hot when you read about it on your coworker’s secret Tumblr, but really require a level of expertise you are sorely lacking. Or, you know, whatever.

Go forth, my lovelies, and pound yourselves furiously! You’ve earned it! Just remember to clean up when you’re done, including your browser history!

iphone + boobs = science

The iPhone 6 and 6+ launched today. While every website on the internet is abuzz with the new phones, Delicious Juice Dot Com is (probably) the only blog to bring you what you really want to know: how will the new devices fit inside your bra?

For Science, and because I neglected to do so when I upgraded from the 4s to a 5, here is how the iPhone 5s fits in my left bra cup (the default holding location when I don’t have pockets):

ed's iphone 5s in my bra. for science.

ed’s iphone 5s in my bra. for science.

It’s not a bad or uncomfortable fit, but it’s blocky with edges and is kinda like stuffing your bra with Lego. Still, this has been my standard for years now, and if you do anything long enough you forget what life was like before.

Behold the iPhone 6:

my phone, my bra.

my phone, my bra.

Oh, YES. THIS is a device I could happy shove into my tits any time of the day – it’s silky smooth, delightfully rounded, and fits like a flat expensive glove. It feels much like the iPhone 3GS did, and that was a lovely device to stuff in your cleavage. I enjoyed this experiment far more than I should have, actually. A++++++, would carry around in my bra again.

On the other hand:

tyson's phone, my bra.

tyson’s phone, my bra.

The 6+ in my bra is fucking ridiculous. I may as well shove my laptop in there. I have larger bras than the average bear on account of the universe having a delightful sense of humour, but even I couldn’t comfortably carry around a 6+ in there. This just looks silly (unlike the other pictures, which are obviously for educational purposes).

So there you have it – if you’re looking to get a new phone based on what will fit comfortably in your bra, I hope my experiments will help you.


common cents

So. The internet. You may not have noticed this, but I use the internet a lot. I am connected 24/7, and use the internet like an extension of my arm (an extension that just happens to have a great deal of porn). My internet use extends to meatspace as well: when I’m not in front of a computer, I use my phone to access any kind of information imaginable. I am one of THOSE people, and I make no apology for it: it’s just what I do.

My internetting does not stop when I travel. For this reason, I long ago signed up for Roger’s US Data Roaming Add On: for an extra $10 a month, I am charged $1 for every MB I use instead of the standard $3/MB. This sucks, but welcome to Canada where you pay more for connectivity (an intangible necessity) than you do food (seriously, I pay $215 per month for connectivity at home and on my phone, and it was an additional $100 until Ed’s phone was paid for by his work).

Recently, Rogers has updated their US Roaming Data plans. They’ve discontinued the $10/month add on, and instead will charge you $7.99 for up to 50MB of data per day the instant you use your first roaming KB. If you go over 50MB, they’ll charge you another $7.99. Many people are upset by this as they are Amish and only want to check email once a day but will have to pay $7.99 regardless if they use 1MB or 50MB, but it’s handy for those of us who aren’t 85 and refer to video games as “the Nintendos”. It’d be perfect for someone like me, because while I very well may use more than 50MB a day, it’d be unusual to go over 100 (and if I did, okay – if it happened regularly and/or I knew I was travelling to the US just to use the internet all day long, I’d make other data arrangements). $16 for a weekend of data use is reasonable (by Canadian standards).

SO. This past weekend, I was in Seattle for two days. During that time, I used 70MB of data, which should cost me $16 per the new rules. At most, it should cost $24 (assuming I used over 50MB on Day 1, and the remainder on Day 2). I can live with this.

Naturally, it’s not that easy. You see, I still pay the $10/month for a non-existent plan. Because I pay that $10/m (and have been doing so for the last 3+ years), I will be charged $1/MB .. to the tune of $70. All because I already pay more for my phone than most people. And because I was never informed that this new $7.99/MB/Day plan existed at all until I did some research on my own.

I am not happy about this. I reached out to Rogers on Twitter, and they confirmed that I’ll be charged the $70 for two days of internet use because of my existing non-existent plan. This really sucks, and is one of those things that will drive me to get a US SIM Card so I can be more in charge of my data use, as well as research alternative options so I can cancel my Rogers contract when it’s up next year. A little understanding in this situation would go a long way (and I’ll overlook the fact I’ve been paying a largely unnecessary $10/m for years), but if they’re going to stick their feet in the mud and abide by the rules instead of common sense .. well, then I’ll know where I stand as a customer.

Why don’t I live in Europe, again?