I dislocated my right shoulder yesterday morning – the same one I dislocated five years ago in the case of Kimli vs. the Curb. More on the how and why (Ed is convinced there is a why) in a bit – first, PONIES!

We drove down to Seattle on Friday afternoon, narrowly escaping some nasty weather. We tried to leave town early, but our timing was off and we got caught in traffic AND the border was a nightmare; it took us almost 2 hours to cross into the US for no good reason. After stopping for a quick dinner, we finally made it to Doug and Ali’s place just after 10pm. Unfortunately, I wasn’t feeling so hot so I crashed out pretty quickly (after the traditional Christmas in Seattle box opening, where I collect all the stuff I shipped to Ali since our last visit). We had Big Plans for Saturday, and there was no time for me to be sick. I slept in the following morning, then made myself presentable in time for us to leave – we were all off to see ponies!

Ali had invited Ed and I to join them on their family outing to see Cavalia, a Cirque-esq show with horses and acrobats and lovely shirtless men tumbling all over the place. River and Hazel were squirmy with anticipation of seeing the show, but I was right there with them – everything I had seen about Cavalia looked amazing, and I was giddy that Ali asked us to come along. We even had VIP passes, which gave us early access to the Fancy Tent: a cosy bistro set up in the middle of a field, with hors d’oeuvre and booze and popcorn. We hung out there snacking on delicious things while waiting for the show to start, then shuffled into another tent to see ponies. Our seats were ridiculously good, and before long we were watching an amazing show full of music, crazy people, and horses. So many horses! I’ve never really been a horsey person – never went through the standard Horse Phase that girls often go through – but I can absolutely see the appeal. The animals were spectacular, well-trained and just a little bit ornery to make things extra special. It was an incredible show; one I’d recommend to anyone – so much fun! During the intermission, we went back into the Fancy Tent for dessert (chocolate covered strawberries? YES PLEASE) and wine (aka more Diet Coke), then back for the second half of the show.

Afterward, there was an autograph session in the Fancy Tent with a couple of the performers followed by a visit to the stables. We got to get up close and personal with the horses, which was amazing – they’re SO BIG. The horses really didn’t seem interested in all of us silly people; it was feeding time and there was hay to be eaten (plus another performance that evening). Still, it was incredible to see all the animals and how they’re cared for, and the entire afternoon was so much fun. It was a definite treat for Ed and I, and Ali and Doug are way too good to us. As a thank you, I bought stuffed horses from the gift shop for River and Hazel (I am not above bribing small children for their love), which were well received (and unbeknownst to me, something River had asked for).

We are all old and turned into bed relatively early, but I stayed up until almost 4am reading scary stories on my iPhone. Truthfully, I tried to go to bed many times but I was too spooked to do it – turning off my phone meant it would be COMPLETELY DARK in the room, and that’s when things would get me. My inability to keep my eyes open for another second longer finally did me in, but it was an awkward sleep that I eagerly shook myself out of not four hours later. I awoke early, showered, and went upstairs to join the family for pancakes and bacon! We ate our fill before I had to go pack up our stuff: Ali and the girls had a birthday party to attend and Doug was heading out of town on business, and Ed and I had some American errands to run before heading home. I went downstairs to finish dressing and get ready, and that’s when I fell down.

Ironically, my need for safety and sense of self-preservation is what did me in. I used the railing as I carefully walked down the stairs, because I’m a little afraid of them – I have a phobia of slipping and falling down steep inclines which, when coupled with my ongoing rivalry with gravity, is a little more likely to happen than my phobia of tarantula attack or another Calgary winter. I’m not quite sure how I did it, but I missed the last three steps and fell down them .. while holding onto the railing, which caused my arm to jerk upward and pop my shoulder out of the socket.

I landed at the bottom of the stairs, sprawled out in an undignified manner. No one heard or saw me fall, so I sat there for a few minutes poking at my arm. Luckily, the bone relocated itself when I landed on my right knee so I didn’t have a floppy arm or anything .. just a lot of pain and bruises. I slowly picked myself up and went to the bathroom where Ed was showering to tell him what happened. After showing concern via frustration (a trait I personally hate), he tried to make me feel better by doing a penis dance – it helped a little, but I was still very sore. I left him to finish showering, packed up what I could, then went upstairs to pout and feel sorry for myself.

My arm hurts, but according to the research I did there isn’t a hell of a lot I can do about it. Being in a sling will do nothing but make me look stupid, and outside of Advil there are no miracle drugs that will make my shoulder behave and stay in the damn shoulder hole. It was being worrisome all evening – I was careful not to make any grand gestures or talk with my hands, but even while doing nothing my arm would twitch and I could feel it do this icky painful THUNK as something in there jumped around and made me screech. I slept fitfully, and I’m not at all convinced of my ability to dress myself properly – I know from past experience that removing or putting on a bra can re-dislocate a shoulder, but I have to go out this afternoon and must be presentable. The shower I’m about to have will be nothing short of an adventure – wish me luck. If my arm gets worse this afternoon I may go out in search of something stronger than an Advil to deal with the pain (and then tie my arm to my torso so I stop moving around and hurting myself). In the meantime, I will not go down any stairs and give serious thought to not falling down any more at all.

Ow!