This should be a treat – on Friday night, I have to go clubbing.

“Treat” is sarcasm. “Have to” is because I really do have to – it’s for Shan’s stagette, which I wouldn’t miss even if it filled me with anxiety and dread .. which, coincidentally, it totally does.

Shan wants to go drinking and dancing for her stag, so that’s what we’re doing. We’re going to the Waldorf for hip hop night, which I assume will be filled with people in skinny jeans and fringed scarves shuffling ironically to Maestro Fresh Wes and Young MC. The Waldorf scares me as it is – we like to play at hipsterism, but these people are the Real Deal – and bars are my natural enemy. I am desperately uncomfortable in bars. I’ve overcome most of my social anxiety, but it ramps back up to Cold War levels when I’m around drunk people. And clubbing – I don’t even know where to begin with that; everything I know about clubbing I know from TV and it always looks terrifying and complicated. I’m already anxious about being in a dark, loud room full of drunk strangers – I’m expected to move in a rhythmic manner as well?! This entire plan torments me. I asked Twitter what I’m supposed to wear to a clubbing, and was told I need something called a “jet skirt” – I assumed this was a skirt with airplanes on it (which I don’t have, but could make!); but noooooooooo. According to Corinna, it’s “skirt so short you can see the landing strip” .. WHAT THE HELL! WHY IS THIS SO SCARY??!

You know, I am awfully bad at distracting myself – I started to write a blog post to get my mind off some TOP SECRET GOING-ONS that have me stressed out to the point of a stomach ache and no more finger nails, but then I go and write about how stressed out I am about this Friday night. This? Not soothing. I am MADE OF WORRY.

It’s a good thing I love Shan, or I would skip her stag on account of being terrified to the point of incontinence. In fact, would that help? I will totally pee myself if it will help.

What the hell am I going to wear?

Does anyone have an Ambien I can borrow? Oh wait, that’s for sleeping. How about Xanax? That’s for anxiety, right? I am about as good at drugs as I am at clubs.


6 thoughts on “anxiety

  1. My advice, have fun with Shan and the ladies. Take a valium, and make fun of the hipsters and douchebags in photo form. It can distract you if you make a game of it. As for dressing up, you always look great at any event you go to. Clubs are no different dress like KImli and you will be comfortable and still look fabulous.

  2. This is clubbing-lite! It’s the Waldorf, not Granville, and there will be GO GO DANCERS. I’m wearing pearls and feathers in my hair, I request you to dress up the way you normally would for fancy dress up times. It will be fun, and when one room is scary, we can go to another. It will be fun, I promise :P

  3. It’s not really that I want to go clubbing and drinking so much as I really just want to go dancing. I miss going dancing and I think the Waldorf will be an excellent venue to check out – lots of different stuff to check out and lots of room to roam.

  4. Pingback: mmxii in review « delicious juice dot com: unapologetically inappropriate

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s