Category Archives: everyday kimli

impeccable timing

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On Saturday afternoon, I found myself hunched over in a parking lot halfway up a mountain, trying desperately to get the hang of shifting gears via the manual transmission of a sports bike, with snow flying directly into my eyes and thoroughly wet pants. It was .. uncomfortable. I was cold, sore, soaked through, tired, and sucking really hard at riding a motorcycle: basically, miserably.

Yes, only I would have the extreme good fortune to have a riding class scheduled amidst Vancouver’s first major* snowstorm of the year; one that started Friday night and as of this writing (Monday afternoon) has not yet let up. I arrived to class as prepared as I could be, but I don’t own snow gear (because I tend not to go outside when it’s snowing) or even rain gear (because I am dumb) so I was in for a rough day from the very start. To make matters worse, I was loaned a pair of rain pants which I promptly caused to split up the rear because they were the third pair of pants I was wearing, and the universe imploded around my ass. Here’s a helpful tip from me to you: learning how to ride a motorcycle when you’re fantastically uncomfortable and feeling pretty humiliated about torn pants is VERY DIFFICULT. So, don’t do it.

The very best part about all of this is that I should have actually finished the riding course two weeks ago. Due to a scheduling conflict, I had to move my February 6th start date out to the 20th. At the time I was really glad for this, because the temperature had dropped and the weekend was forecasted to be frosty. I figured that I could skip the “high of 0” days, and learn later in February when it would obviously be warmer, possibly even spring-like as it has been in the past! And while it was very cold* over that weekend, it was also clear and beautiful out – and I have plenty of warm gear, so I would have been fine. This past weekend, in the snow and slush and wet and frozen? Not so much.

I was in no way looking forward to class on Sunday, so I was secretly glad to see the snow continue to fall throughout the night. The following morning I stirred myself from the warm cocoon of cats and blankets to text the instructor, and Sunday’s class was indeed postponed: I was off the hook, and could nurse my aching muscles (motorcycles have clutches, and those clutches are STIFF AS FUCK) as well as spend the entire gloriously terrible Sunday doing absolutely nothing.

My remaining three classes have been moved to March 9-12. In the meantime, I can practice shifting on Ed’s bike (interesting fact: I thought I would want to ride nothing but cruisers because I like how they look. Then I actually tried riding one, and I hated it very very much. Sports bikes, which I dismissed entirely because eww, were very comfortable. If I ever decide I need to get a motorcycle, I may have to look at dumb sport bikes.) and prepare for the skills test that will happen on the Sunday. My goal is to pass it with very low speed flying colours that go through a bunch of stupid plastic cones, because I have a Master Plan that revolves around my having my full Class 6 license before my June so I should hurry up and get on with it, already.

I’m working from home today, which means I haven’t left the house since Saturday at 5pm. Tomorrow I have to venture out into the stupid wet cold real world. I am not looking forward to it.

*: by Vancouver measures, “major” is less than 3″ of snow and “very cold” is -2C. We’re delicate folk who had the good sense to move to the coast to get away from REAL winter, because fuck that shit.

I am learning to motorcycle! Soon I will be legal!

this is not good riding weather.

the toppings contain potassium benzoate

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Due to a scheduling snafu, my INVASIVE DOCTORB APPOINTMENT is not today. That’s bad!

It’s now officially scheduled, on paper and everything, for next Thursday at 2:30. That’s good!

I took a now-unnecessary afternoon off to deal with the searing vagina pain I don’t currently have. That’s bad!

I have muscle relaxants to take before my appointment, to help with the aforementioned searing. That’s good!

I thought my appointment was today, so I took one. On an empty stomach. I am high as fuck! (That’s bad)

My doctorb is right above a Whole Foods. That’s good!

Except, while High as Fuck and also hungry, I went into Whole Foods and spent a lot of money on organic bisque and cheese with credentials and imported lime leaves. That’s .. well, hilarious.

I can salvage some of my afternoon to do some work, so I don’t have to take additional vacation next week. That’s good!

Ed has to come pick me up, because I am too muscle relaxed to take the bus. I’m standing across the street from Whole Foods leaning on a pole because jelly legs, looking for all the world like someone who would do unmentionable things to you for just one hit of quinoa garnished with a balsamic truffle reduction on a bed of sensually massaged kale. That’s bad!

So many cheeses. But, no speculum! That’s good!

I’m going to sit down now. Right here looks really, really good.

overextended

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I’m a little worried that this week is going to take a lot out of me, but also put a bunch of things into me. I’m not exactly sure what I was thinking when I booked an INVASIVE MEDICAL PROCEDURE the day before I start a motorcycle riding course, but here we are: on Wednesday, I will be having my expired IUD extracted and a new one installed, and on Thursday I begin a safety riding course with ProRide. Also, I have an aquarium date scheduled for Wednesday evening. And an early-morning webinar on Thursday. Basically, all kinds of important things happening at a time that, historically speaking, I will be incapacitated with shock and awe. From the hardware upgrade. In my vagina.

I’m tired just thinking about this week, but that may just be because Monday.

afterlight

batteries needed

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.. for my phone and Pebble, because they’ve had one hell of a workout today.

Earlier this morning, everyone’s favourite Canadian Nathan Fillion tweeted that he was taking applications for Valentines. I happened to be looking at TweetDeck at the perfect moment, so I responded to him and then moved on with my day, because that is what happens in meatspace: you do something, and then you do another thing, and then another thing, and so on and so forth until you’re dead/for eternity (depending on your belief tree).

Then this happened:

i'm in!

i’m in!

My notifications/Pebble have been going off NONSTOP since that tweet. In fact, since I took the screenshot, it’s gone off a half dozen more times. This is all very weird and hilarious, and now I have two Valentines for today so I am pretty pleased (if in desperate need of a Pebble charging cable).

Tonight Ed and I are going to see the LEGO MOVIE in DBOX and I am EXCITED. I will buy jellybeans and popcorn and my seat will move and everything will be great. Hooray for Friday!

happy friday the 14th from all of us sitting at my desk!

happy friday the 14th from all of us sitting at my desk!

logic vs. webmd

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For the last ten days or so, I have been Experiencing Symptoms:

  • Droopingly tired throughout the day
  • Peeing ALL THE TIME
  • Sore boobs
  • Constantly, ravenously hungry

.. you probably know exactly where this is going, and you wouldn’t be alone: every single website on the entire internet thinks I am pregnant. Google says I’m pregnant. Facebook says I’m pregnant. WebMD says I’m pregnant and also cancer. Wikipedia said I was pregnant, but the article was deleted because [citation needed]. The point is, every time I get curious about my symptoms, everything says there’s but one reason for it all: totes knocked up.

Doubt is an insidious thing. Even though I know in every fibre of my tired, hungry, sore-boob’d, hafta-pee self that I am NOT pregnant and can’t possibly be knocked up because SCIENCE, I was still tempted to seek out a stick to pee on just in case. I had myself almost convince that the whole of the internet was right and I was mere minutes away from learning first hand how babby was formed when one sprang out from betwixt my nethers. I was dealing with the near panic attack that followed these thoughts when I caught myself being an idiot, and stopped. I took some deep breaths, and used some good old fashioned common sense to look at each symptom rationally .. and I found that every one could easily be explained away without any kind of embryonic sacs whatsoever.

  • I’m frequently exhausted because I stay up too late every night
  • I pee all the damn time because I drink Diet Coke and water non-stop
  • My boobs are sore because it’s fucking cold at home and in the office so my nipples are at DEFCON 3
  • Skipping lunch at work means I’m faint with starving when I get home

See? All perfectly logical reasons for all my symptoms, with nary a fertilized egg in sight. Still, I might be a *little* worried. I just need to keep repeating logic to myself, and maybe go to bed at a reasonable hour for once. Nice try, internet. Team No Babies 4 lyfe.

apropos of nothing, but look! pretty lights!

worst person ever

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I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON.

I read a story about a woman who needs a kidney. She’s taken her search to Facebook, because although she’s at the top of the transplant list, she’s unable to find a donor through traditional methods due to a rare blood type. I followed the link to Facebook and checked the page out of curiosity (after checking my self-diagnosed blood type and finding that I am actually a match), because hey I’m not really using my kidneys and I could potentially give one up. I wanted to learn more about the potential recipient of my flesh gift.

.. who, it turns out, will never get MY kidney, because she misuses your/you’re and also thanks God for keeping her alive although requiring near-daily dialysis for 8+ years as she waits for a miracle.

Sorry, but MY organs are earmarked for people who properly attribute their lot in life to science/technology/hard work/genetics and have a solid grasp of the English language. Seriously, there’s a test. Multiple choice, long answer, and essay. Show your work.

(I’m honestly only terrible for the sake of a blog post – if I can donate, I will. I’m already an organ donor, and I’ve submitted myself online to be checked for this specific match. I do think that they will find I am too fat/old/full of chemicals/half cyborg/godless heathen/probably not actually B+ to donate, but if the call comes, I’m here. Don’t judge me! At least not for this!)

So hey, how about those Seahawks? Go sports!

trapped!

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I spent much of Saturday trying to escape Richmond, but not in the usual way – this time, I was locked in an Egyptian tomb. And then a prison. And each time, I couldn’t get out.

I had heard about this thing called EXIT on Twitter a while back, and after sharing it amongst my friends it was decided that a group of former co-workers and special guest stars would try it out on February 1st. Knowing my meat space friends wanted to check it out as well, I arranged for them to join me after the first session was done so we could all do a new one together, because I am excellent at planning things and such.

Even after reading the website and reviews thoroughly, none of us had any idea what to expect. At the core, EXIT is a video game without the video part. You choose one of four scenarios, get locked in a room, and .. you have to get out. Each available scenario will be immediately familiar to anyone who’s played any kind of first person game: you’re locked in an Egyptian tomb, and need to escape. You’re trapped in a sunken ship and need to reach the surface. You wake up in your prison cell, only to discover you’re all alone. And the last scenario, which I’ve played dozens of times in more games than I can count, is the dark dingy laboratory of untold horrors and inadequate security. While it may sound like something you could handle with your eyes closed, you’ll soon learn otherwise – you’ve only got 45 minutes and up to two hints provided by the staff if when you get stuck. And it’s hard. We got most of the way through Egypt, but only a third through the prison .. and if we want to solve it, we have to go back. Which I want to do. Because it was awesome.

I don’t want to give any secrets away, but if you like puzzles and intrigue I suggest you check out EXIT for yourself. It was really cool (even though we failed spectacularly), and definitely a unique experience – I don’t know of anything else like it that isn’t on a computer or on the Holodeck in the 24th century.

Some tips if you’re interested:

  • There are four scenarios that are updated pretty regularly
  • You get 45 minutes
  • They range in difficulty – from easiest to hardest:
    • The Sunken Ship
    • The Egyptian Tomb
    • The Prison
    • The Laboratory
  • Don’t be afraid to use the hints
  • Each scenario can fit 2-6 people, but four would be an ideal group size (we felt crowded in the prison)
  • If at all possible, find out before you go in (or use a hint) how many digits are expected to open the keypad(s). We wasted WAY too much time in prison trying to figure out which four digits we needed out of the eight we deduced, when in actuality we needed all eight (all the locked doors we’ve ever encountered in the real world, not to mention the tomb, only needed four). This is the only complaint I have about the whole thing, and in the feedback I gave the to the team .. I don’t think we would have escaped the prison even with the time we wasted, but we definitely would have gotten further.
  • You can’t bring anything in the rooms with you, which is why I have no pictures to share. Those sessions were the longest I’ve been separated from my phone since .. well .. ever.
  • It’s $24.change per person which is pricey, but it’s such a neat experience I didn’t mind the cost – I’ve paid more to be locked up, and it wasn’t nearly as entertaining.
  • Even abject failure can be fun!

we make it look so good

seattle adventuary

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Seattle, you are pretty:

pier 46

downtown times

on the waterfront

smith tower

the impossibly gorgeous carved ceiling of the chinese room at smith tower

my favourite building in seattle

More pictures over on the Flickrs.

We couldn’t have picked a better weekend to go Seattling. The weather was the nicest I have ever experienced in any January ever, and we spent the entire glorious day outside looking down on things for miles around. Our first stop was at Smith Tower, which turned out to be our favourite of the two: the lookout is on the 35th floor and you can GO OUTSIDE! Outside is amazing. It’s fenced off For Safety, but it was so gorgeous outside that we were giddy with fresh air and epic views the entire time. The inside of the lookout floor turned out to be a treat as well – it was set up as the “Chinese Floor”, and outfitted with a carved teak ceiling and fancy carved furniture like the Wishing Chair that I made Ed sit in. Legend has it that “any wishful unmarried woman who sits in it would be married within a year”, so we shall see if Ed was sufficiently wishful and womanly enough to be married soon. Here’s hoping! If that doesn’t work out for him he can go work for Uber, as we passed their HQ on the way down in the fancy brass elevator. They were hiring!

After the Smith Tower, we had lunch at the Pike Brewery and I bought an amazing hat. We wandered the Seattle Art Museum, Ed had an early mid-life crisis in the Harley Davidson store, and then we were off to the second tower of the day: the Sky View Observatory on the 73rd floor of Columbia Centre. Sky View was a lot more crowded than the first place, and while it offered some impressive views, it wasn’t really built with viewing in mind: the glass is thick, tinted, and highly reflective (making photography difficult), and you can’t go outside probably for safety reasons but that is dumb. I still managed to get some good shots thanks to Ed the Human Shield, but we definitely liked the Smith Tower better because OUTSIDE and INCREDIBLE CEILING and the awesome elevator operator and so much more.

All the amazing views of Seattle aside, I finally got to meet the new kittens at Doug and Ali’s:

pugsley!

wednesday!

THEY’RE SO SQUISHY!! The kittens were a little unsure of me but they were so fun to watch – and I got plenty of lovin’ from my boyfriend George anyway:

geoooooorge.

I am now obsessed with getting a squishy-faced kitty to quell my pug lust, but Ed isn’t going for it (gasp). What’s a girl to do, other than run away to London?

Some adventure done. More adventure needed. Up next: escaping from prison!