By this time tomorrow, I will be 24 hours closer to being on vacation.

We leave in just 3 sleeps. My clothes are packed – in fact, I’ve packed twice and just this morning realized I packed too much, and will have to pack again. I still need to gather toiletries and electronics; both vitally important. I’ve printed maps, our guide book is heavy with Post-It Flags of the things we want to see, and I know where my passport is.

I am ready for San Francisco.

Have I mentioned that I am excited? I am SO EXCITED! Oh man. I can’t fucking wait.

I’m about to leave the office for 10 days, but that didn’t stop me from booking additional vacation days yesterday. My mom is going in for cataract surgery in July, and wants me to come over to help her out for a few days. I’ll be scooting to the island after work on a Wednesday and using my mom’s car to do her bidding while I’m there, and spending the rest of my time freaking out the squares on my scooter. As well, Ed and I are going to PAX in September so I took a few days off for that. I actually don’t know how many vacation days I’ve taken/have left – Frivolous Kimli Time booked between now and September accounts for 10 of my 15 days. I’ve already taken a few days this year, so .. I’m probably down to one or two days left. Crap. I shall have to use them sparingly.

Squee!

Comment spam is usually incoherent and sometimes amusing, but this is hands down the creepiest comment spam I’ve ever seen: “Let’s look at your throat.” NO! I don’t care if you’re a vampire, serial killer, scarf fetishist or a dapper gentleman from the gay 1880’s – my swan-like neck is not for you to devour with your eyes/teeth/hands/rusty butcher knife!

Speaking of butchers, don’t forget to get your FREE MEAT today: between 4pm and 6pm, be on the lookout for (non-creepy) butchers at commuter stations in Vancouver, Calgary, Toronto, Montreal and Halifax for your coupon! After all, meat is awesome – it can only stand to reason that FREE MEAT is even better.

strung out

death by stereo

it's a trap

I love that I spent last Saturday night at the Opera, and this Saturday night at a punk show. This is one of those times when it’s awesome to be me.

Last night’s forecast of “light rain” was the grossest understatement of the century.

It was a full-blown epic friggin’ hurricane out there – torrential downpour, scary winds, and I am pretty sure I saw four guys on horses flying through the air. My ride home from the opera was probably the scariest ride I’ve ever had; even worse than the time I rode naked and blindfolded through a cemetery at midnight on Halloween after watching a “My Super Sweet 16” marathon on TLC. I’ve never been wetter; not even that time I watched Bizarro Titanic. Continuing my trend of public nudity, I took off most of my sodden clothes in the hallway before I opened my door – I was soaked through each of my four layers. It was bad. My jeans are still dripping water into the bathtub.

The bad continued early this morning, when I was awakened by the second worst noise a cat owner can be startled by: the sound of a full keyboard buffer. I bolted out of bed to see Sasha sitting on my laptop like she belonged there, and all my windows fucked up. She also shed all over my keyboard, and pried a few of the keys up. I *hate* it when the cats sit on my laptop. Anyone want a cat or four?

All that is behind me though, as I am getting ready to leave for Got Craft on Commercial Drive. I hope to see some of you there! It should be pretty awesome; the last one was a lot of fun and all I did was take pictures.

Speaking of pictures, I’ve uploaded images from last night’s opera – check them out, why not. Good times.

Time for fun!

needs a punk cover

Despite my pleading and shameless use of naked boobs as a weapon, Ed and his Constitution of Steel recovered from his Bacon Lung enough to go on his business trip. He left for Toronto this morning at 5am, and by way of saying goodbye, I poked him in the teeth. We are an unusual couple.

I will not have time to fret this weekend, as it is the BUSIEST WEEKEND EVER. Tomorrow night I get to attend the opening of the Vancouver Opera’s production of Salome, and I am excited – I’ve never had an excuse to write about necrophilia before!

Sunday I’ll be at Got Craft all day, selling my wares. I’m almost ready – I’ve crafted all that I can craft with the supplies at hand, I have a wee display set up, and most of my goods are organized for scooter transport. I just need to make a sign or two and I should be set. It’s all for fun, so I’m not too worried but it’d be nice to sell some stuff. Last night I made myself a Purl Necklace with the last of my wire, and I seem to have made it in Canuck colours – go team! I have spirit, yes I do! I have spirit, how about you?

Speaking of Opera, if you’ve been waiting for your chance to check out the awesome now’s your chance – the Vancouver Opera is offering a two-for-one ticket deal for Salome. It’s the last opera of the season, and if the other two performances I’ve seen have been any indication, it’s going to be amazing. If you want to go – and I absolutely think you should; everyone should see an opera at least once – call 604-683-0222 with promo code 1833. It’s good for all performances, so you have four chances to see Salome do the deed with a dead guy. Hooray!

a mess of purl necklaces

go sea-whales go!

My ride to work this morning was a little surreal. There was an accident that really fucked traffic up, and there was a large pile of snow in Stanley Park that was *not* there on the way home yesterday. I have no idea where it came from – it certainly didn’t snow last night, and there are no ice rinks nearby. It makes pretty much no sense for there to be a large, localized pile of snow in the middle of the forest next to a highway.

I had plenty of time to look around as we waited for the accident to be dealt with. After admiring the scenery and once again marveling that I actually live here, my attention fell upon the woman in the car in front of me. I had about 30 minutes to watch her as we crawled along the bridge deck, and she was simultaneously amazing and disgusting. Hey lady in the white Mercedes 530 – maybe it would have been a better idea for you to, I don’t know, DO YOUR HAIR AT HOME BEFORE YOU LEFT THE HOUSE? I rode behind this idiot and watched in horror as she used both hands to brush her hair into place, secure it with various pins, and do it all up in a tight knot with a large clip – several times, since she kept being interrupted with the whole “must move car forward” thing. She had both her rear view mirror and her side mirror pointed at her face as she did herself up all LDS-style, and wasn’t paying any attention to the road whatsoever – she was incredibly lucky that her car had excellent wheel alignment, because she would have driven right into the concrete barrier. Every time we stopped on the bridge she would start doing her hair in earnest, then not moving until I honked at her to go once traffic started flowing again. The second time I honked she stopped what she was doing to glare at me. Clearly, I am in the wrong here and the driver’s seat is the perfect place to do your hair and make up in the morning and I should be ashamed of my rudeness. Yes.

After her hair was sufficiently perfect, she started to apply mascara and then lipstick – all while driving her car. I hope the irony is not lost on her that she was doing her makeup while driving past an accident on the bridge, but I doubt it gave her anything to think about. Some people just feel entitled to endanger others, I suppose.

Also, her hair was horrible and the bright yellow cardigan she was wearing? Barf. I am amused that she almost caused several accidents to make herself look like that on purpose, but that’s pretty mean of me. Maybe I am a terrible person after all.

No time to question my own morality, though – I have a vacation to plan! Yesterday I booked a hotel in San Francisco for our road trip next month. I found a small place right in the middle of all the things I want to see for about $75 a night which is pretty reasonable. I checked a bunch of reviews and they all seem to be really positive, which is good – I didn’t want to stay in a total dive, but we’re also going to be there for 4 nights so we can’t really afford to go for fancy. Besides, I’m not there to hang out in a hotel room – as long as I have a place to plug in my laptop and shower in the morning, I am happy. We’re about a mile from Fisherman’s Wharf, 6 blocks from the crazy section of Lombard Street, close to downtown and Chinatown and Japantown and holy shit I am so excited I could just pee. VACATION! A VACATION THAT DOES NOT INVOLVE EDMONTON IN ANY WAY! YIPPEE!

Sorry.

I’m just very, very excited.

Where was I? Oh yes, being racist.

*ahem*

Fucking Aquaman.

At lunch today I bought a book called San Francisco Day by Day that lists “must see” things based on the length of your visit. We’re less than 2 months away from our road trip, and I can’t wait – I have to stop myself from packing. It’s too early, even for me.

The outlook for our trip looks good. Ed starts his new job on Monday with a full compliment of vacation days and benefits, and he has already told them about our planned trip for May. I don’t see any difficulties with his job, and my days off have already been approved. This could actually happen. We could *actually* go on a vacation that isn’t to Edmonton. I may have to pinch myself.

I love road trips. There’s something about hopping into a car and pointing it somewhere new that fills me with a very primal glee. If I were a single lass, I would never be around – every free moment I had would I be off exploring something new. Unfortunately, I live in the real world and I have a job and commitments and only 2 days’ worth of music stored on my iPhone so I have to plan my adventures out with a little more restraint. Still, our trip is looking to be fun. The plan is to hop in the car one early Saturday morning in May and not stop (except for socks) until we’re in the shadow of the Golden Gate. Ed’s never been to San Francisco, and I’ve never been on my own terms – I can’t wait. Have I mentioned that I can’t wait? I want to go NOW.

Back to my radio silence, then.

Last week in a violent fit of patriotism, I applied to be a volunteer for the 2010 Winter Olympics.

I’m still slightly bemused with myself for doing it – I am not a fan of Teh Sports. I think too much money is spent on sports instead of on arts and sciences. There’s also the uproar over the cost of the Games – enormous bills being footed by the taxpayers that will eventually affect me, and the questionable purification of East Hastings. There’s a lot to furrow my brow at, for sure.

Then there’s the other side. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be part of something worldwide and epic. I like my city, and I want us to dazzle the universe when we’re in the spotlight. It might be fun. I’m big on Experiencing Things, and this would definitely be an Experience. I’ll try anything once – it gives me things to write about, which I enjoy. Behind the scenes is so much more fun than my living room.

I’m off to some sort of volunteer interview this afternoon. I have to submit myself to a background check, which I find hilarious. It’s a three-hour process; interviews are done in groups or individually if they think you have Secret Skills they might want to exploit. We’ll see how it goes. I said I wanted to be a performer in the opening ceremonies, but I am realistic to a fault – just because I make an excellent dancing zombie does not mean they are going to put short fat Asian girls on the world stage. I highly doubt that’s what I’ll be doing – assuming I pass the background check – but I DO have other talents.

I may be in this to help the city, but I also have my limits. If it’s determined that my role in the Games will be to sell hot dogs, I’m out. I can (and do) sell hot dogs at home; I don’t need to use up all my vacation time next year to be proud of my meat-slinging contribution. I’m hoping there will be an interesting place for me. I’ll donate my time, but only if there’s something – namely, an Interesting Experience – in it for me.

What do you wear to a background check, anyway?

I’m sort of famous!

The Georgia Straight interviewed me a week or so back about the upcoming Blogger Night at the Opera. The article posted last night, and I’m quoted and sounding all silly. Check it out and bask in my faint glow of notoriety! As an added bonus, my oft-disguised last name is bared for all to see – let the stalking begin!

I’m really getting excited about Saturday’s performance. We’ve been warned that while Carmen had a scene with live cigarettes on stage, Rigoletto has nudity, suggestive scenes, a cage, and a girl who dies in a sack. How awesome is that? I absolutely cannot wait. Girls in sacks! CAGES! An opera that almost never was – Paris authorities shut down the play it was based on after the opening performance in 1832 because of the immoral themes, and the opera’s writers were debased for their “repellant immorality and obscene triviality”. I am nothing if not repellant, immoral and obscene so this is going to speak to me on so many levels.

There’s an article in today’s Vancouver Sun that shows just some of these cages I am so excited about. There are clowns in them, which is an excellent thing to put in cages.

Of the utmost importance is the fact that I’ve decided what I’m going to wear on Saturday night. I got some fishnet stockings last week that I’ve been dying to put to good use, and an obscene immoral opera performance is pretty much the best reason ever.

I still have some coupons for a free bottle of Herbal Essences Hydralicious Shampoo or Conditioner, so if you want one or have already haiku’d your way to one, please email me your snail mail address (kimli at delicious juice dot com) and I’ll send a coupon over. Contrary to the name (and my eternal disappointment), the shampoo really has nothing to do with nine-headed sea serpents – actually, it smells pretty damn good. I’m using the purple one, and it smells kind of glorious – a definite welcome change from my utilitarian-yet-charmless hair puck that does the job but doesn’t give me orgasms of any kind.

I swapped out my incredibly awesome yet nearly invisible Shure earphones for a pair of giant bright green headphones at work so people could tell I was listening to music and could not hear them calling me, but it’s not working. Do I need a neon sign or something? How can you possibly not know that these huge green things are headphones and not just a terrible fashion statement? Yeesh.

Okay, working now.

I am delighted to announce that I most likely did not make an utter fool of myself at the opera, and as such, have been invited back to attend the opening night performance of Rigoletto on March 7th.

There is excitement, and it is large and throbbing.

MORE OPERA! The first Vancouver Opera Blogger Night was a big success, so they’re doing it again. I’m thrilled that I get to attend another performance, and write about it at the same time – seeing Carmen was a spectacular treat, and I am beyond honoured that the awesome folks at the Vancouver Opera are bringing me back to check out Rigoletto.

I know I’m an excitable creature by nature, but being able to partake in a fancy sort of fun fills me with a warm glowing warming glow and also a bursting vocabulary. Every person should treat themselves to a Night at the Theatre at least once – if not as often as possible – and I am really looking forward to this. If I was an Opera Newb before, it’s even more pronounced this time – I was at least familiar with the story behind Carmen, but Rigoletto is entirely new to me.

I read through the Rigoletto Manga and the wiki write up, and the story looks to be right up my alley: Misshapen jesters! Ominous curses! Blindfolds! People in cages! A girl sitting on a crescent moon! Partial nudity and suggestive scenes! All of these things are awesome.

I can’t wait for the 7th. I have just under two weeks to come up with an even more cleavagey dress than last time, something that shouldn’t pose too much of a challenge. I’ve already done the tiara bit, though. Perhaps it’s time to invest in some sort of boa.

This Blogger Night will be bigger than the last, too. In addition to my own irrelevant words, I’ll be joined by:

• Tanya Davis (aka Netchick)
• Rebecca Bollwitt (aka Miss 604)
• Tris Hussey of A View From the Isle
• Monique Trottier of So Misguided

Also, how hilarious is it that I am the only one on the list who didn’t provide a last name. When I saw the list, I gave it some serious thought – perhaps it’s time I drop the pretenses of anonymity and give forth my last name to the internet at large – but then I realized it was far more funny to do the whole “one name only” thing, like Cher or Madonna or Fabio. In fact, that’s how it’s going to be. I am Kimli. I have no need for secondary names.

Because Ling is so very awesome, there’s actually going to be one other person at the opera that night: they’re letting me bring a guest, and I’m bringing Miranda. She’ll be an unofficial blogger at the opera and my date for the evening. Really, the only way this whole thing could be even more exciting is if they let me bring along a partner in crime and since that is covered, I am pretty much beside myself with glee.

Stay tuned for more developments as we get closer to opening night, including such fascinating details as what I will be wearing and which laptop I am going to be bringing with me.

DUDE I should totally invest in a Fancy Opera Laptop Bag. Preferably one with sequins.