Category Archives: everyday kimli

sunday drivers

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I am really feeling that missing hour today – my head feels like it’s filled with sand and goblins. I couldn’t fall asleep last night and eventually had to abuse some expired NyQuil to catch the zeds. It worked, albeit a little too well – the only reason I’m out of bed right now is because I had a cat yelling in my ear and I really had to pee.

What a weekend that was. I missed out on three parties, yet still somehow managed to squeeze in a great deal of fun. Saturday was the opera, of course – the live blog is below, and I have some more thoughts to share a little later when the sand goblins fuck off and I can think in a straight line again. On Sunday, the gang minus Darren (AWOL) and Ed (sick) plus John from Toronto (my replacement husband for the day) met up with Brigitte and Markus for Dim Sum at Sun Sui Wah on Main Street. It was packed in there, but Miranda lied her way into getting us a table. The food was great – they had this thing called a Mango Pancake that was just brilliant, and we made our way through three orders of it – and our server was kind of hilarious. For reasons we can only guess at, he decided to ask us all if we had any connections with FedEx or UPS because he needed a new job and had to get out of the restaurant business. He was a walking resume, telling us all about his work history and skills. We promised we’d mention him to people we know, so if anyone knows how Roland from Sun Sui Wah can get into the courier business, let me know and I’ll give you his phone number. He’s hard working, has a lot of initiative, and is thoroughly sick of working weekends and wearing a bow tie. Someone should hire him!

After we stuffed ourselves into a food coma, we decided to take advantage of the remaining sunlight and go for a drive to Squamish. We dropped the Mazdabator off at home, tried unsuccessfully to pry Ed off the couch, and were on our way. John is in town until Thursday, so we had to show him as much of the city as we could. I had previously postponed the Lo-Fi Scooter Workshop (to be held on an undecided date in April due to the weather and Josh’s Ruckus being sick), so I was glad to have something to do. We stopped at Shannon Falls to take pictures, then at Porteau Cove on the way back. Normally a trip to Taco Bell would be a mandatory part of Squamish (shut up, Canadian Taco Bell is awesome and we miss it but not enough to go to Surrey), but as we were still full from brunch and Miranda and Reilly had a party to set up for, we skipped it. We parted ways after that, with the Gastown peeps headed to the liquor store for the photographer party and the North Shore faction making it home just before the blizzard started.

With the stupid amounts of snow falling from the sky it seemed like an excellent time to stay in and nap, so that’s what I did – potential death be damned. I awoke in time to watch the new Simpsons, then played video games until I was sick of hacking leapgates and fighting demon candles. Sleep did not come, and now I am reluctantly at work and ready to translate technical garbage into Router Maintenance for Dummies. Hooray!

Those Mango Pancakes were fucking awesome, though.

a rough night at the opera

a rough night at the opera

rigoletto!

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I am at the opera!

Tonight I’ll be writing about my experiences at the Vancouver Opera’s production of Rigoletto. Check out this post on the Opera Blog for my partners in crime + Miranda, who is here as my date in hot blue tights.

This area of downtown is busier than I’ve seen it before. Not only is tonight the premiere of Rigoletto, there’s a hockey game on – Vancouver is playing San Jose next door. People are decked out in a variety of fanciness and jerseys – it’s pretty funny to watch people going by (this might just be me; I tend to find everything funny).

Tom Wright, the Director of Artistic Planning, just gave us a tour of back stage and the stage itself. The behind-the-scene stuff is really cool, but being ON the stage is just awesome – looking out over that sea of (imaginary) faces and pretending I have some sort of talent to share is a very cool perspective. I took a lot of pictures that I’ll upload as soon as I can (hopefully after the performance) so you can see what we saw.

The show is starting in 45 minutes, and people are starting to file into the Queen Elizabeth Theatre. It feels a little more fancy than the last time we were here – I don’t know if it’s because today is Saturday as opposed to the Tuesday we saw Carmen, but the air in here seems a little more .. formal? Like people had more time to fancy themselves up before going out for a special evening, instead of coming directly from work. It’s not all formal, though – a young man with some epic dreadlocks just walked by, and I am in envy of his hair. There’s also a lady with THE MOST AWESOME HAT I’VE EVER SEEN – it’s black and feathery and she’s wearing a tulle skirt. I want to be her when I grow up – she’s dazzling! I love it! So much fun!

People are very curious as to what we’re doing – we were just asked “how can you blog the opera if it hasn’t started yet?” Personally, I’m grooving on the anticipation (and coveting that lady’s hat) – but we got a fantastic tour and have some top secret insider knowledge, so there’s definitely a lot going on.

Apparently Ling does a “Fashions of the Opera” segment, which I am dying to see. A couple in full on ballroom regalia just walked by; a tuxedo and a dress the likes of which I have only ever seen on the covers of Harlequin romance novels. Every time I look up, I see something incredible walking by – like the supermodel (different from a supermodem, fyi) in the strapless silver tube dress, and the adorable old Chinese man in the piano key tie. I wish I could just watch people, but I can’t touch type on my SqueePC so you’re just getting the occasional glimpse of the awesome.

“None of you are drinking wine – how can you properly blog the opera experience?” Good question, although our offer to allow him to buy us all wine was turned down. A shame!

Fifteen minutes until curtain – we’ll be taking our seats soon, and watching the opening night performance of Rigoletto moments after that. Stay tuned for our thoughts on the first act during the intermission!

The first act is over, and we’re in the only intermission of the show. There’s a brief pause between acts 2 and 3, but not a true break so this is our only chance to update during the show.

Rigoletto is amazing. Eglise Gutierrez is playing Gilda, and she’s incredible – she can do things with her voice that I’ve only heard in passing commentary about the opera. It’s a total trip to see and hear and to note that she’s doing it without the aid of any amplification.

We were just asked by a patron what we thought of the set design – our general consensus is that we love it; the set is a large cage with gates that move and can be opened to allow the cast through at various times in the show. There’s also a section below the main stage that is used to indicate dark, shadowy areas like an alley or docks – crime happens there! Bad crime!

The first act was brilliant. I know it’s because of the jester/clown theme, but there’s a very Cirque du Soleil feel to it – the was a guy on stilts! Given the fact that the stage is slanted, the fact that the guy on stilts was dancing around is kind of blowing my mind. I can barely walk in 2” heels on a flat surface, and here’s a guy up 6′ in the air dancing around more gracefully than anything I’ve done naked in my living room. It’s not FAIR. There’s also a trapeze with a slinky girl doing some tricky poses in the background. Honestly, I could just watch the actors in their costumes interact with the set all evening let alone take in the feats of singing going on at the same time.

Also, there are opera floozies. The floozies were sad; Count Monterone was attempting to stop their orgy. It’s no wonder people were up in arms wanting revenge in capes – you don’t stop someone else’s orgy. It’s just not done.

Once again, the bloggers are a spectacle unto themselves. We’re trying to be polite and answer questions, but at the same time, I want to get as many thoughts down as I can before we go back to our seats. It’s always gratifying to see the curiosity about our work, though. Social Media for the win!

OH OH a tiny little girl in a deep green dress just walked by – so cute!

A gentleman with binoculars asked us to mention that the sound on the second floor was not good – terrible, in his words. We’re all sitting in Orchestra Right, and it sounds very good from where we were are. I hope things are better for him in act 2, which is starting very soon! I’ll be back after the performance with an update for acts 2 and 3.

MORE STILTS PLEASE!

I got my wish, but only at the curtain call. I think every opera needs a guy on stilts – hell, I want my very own personal guy on stilts. He could get things off of shelves for me.

We’re all done for the evening, but there’s a back stage party – and seeing as we are minor (really, really really minor) VIPs, we get to go too. Yay for parties! My pictures are up on Flickr, but untagged – I will remedy that tomorrow, but until then – I have a pair of awesome opera pants to ogle.

the only option

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My beloved second-hand yellow and purple Fluevogs are in dire straights – the heart-shaped heels are broken and keep coming off. Clearly, my only option is to buy some brand new Fluevogs!

Actually, I really want THESE. And these. In fact, I could get them both for less than the price of a new pair of Fluevogs and then I would be the coolest girl in the universe.

How horribly tempting.

you don’t send me pineapple

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WOW – check out this bouquet of “flowers” my co-worker just got!

yum!

yum!


SO AWESOME! His wife sent it to him for their first anniversary, so not only is it super tasty it is cute as all hell. Jealous! Totally want a surprise chocolate-dipped strawberry delivery!

anxiety

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My performance review is in 4 short hours, and I am nervous. I am, however, dressed for success:

  • New bra with good luck rhinestones
  • Non-hobo jeans
  • Fancy shoes with a heel
  • Gold makeup (encourages additional wealth) instead of noxious green (encourages toxic waste)
  • Write up of work completed in the last year
  • Relatively hidden cleavage
  • Impressed noises made by the AVP (annoying vice president and/or alien vs predator) when discussing my views on documentation before training (it’s basically like sex before marriage – awesome, useful, and should be mandatory)

I hate waiting for my inevitable doom.

i’m wrong about me

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I chopped all my hair off yesterday. I’m feeling a little better about the colour – turns out it wasn’t so much the drastic change I hated but the fact that I looked like hell. Now it’s short and somewhat cute and I am not startled by the black when I catch my reflection. I’d take a picture, but I’m feeling spectacularly unphotogenic today so just use your imagination.

According to some new “shock research”, women who drink more than three cups of coffee a day will get smaller boobs. I can’t decide if I should laugh at this, or go to Starbucks.

There’s something a little sad and depressing about filling out a form that asks you to “tell us something about yourself so we can get to know you”, only to have the form spit out an error when you click submit. I’m sorry my personal information isn’t good enough for you, volunteer form. I will try to be more exciting in the future so you do not look down on me and give me bright red errors saying that I’ve done you wrong.

I think I need a muffin.

Also, the conversation below the cut amused me.

Continue reading →

free orgasms

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When Procter & Gamble bought Clairol in 2001, one of the first things that went away was the signature “gives you orgasms!” marketing campaign of the Herbal Essence shampoo line. On one hand, I was glad – it was frankly annoying to hear fake orgasms every commercial break during prime time. The flip side, however, is that I suddenly find myself in possession of 26 bottles of Herbal Essence shampoo – and NOW I miss all those orgasms.

I will have the cleanest hair EVER, even if I have to make my own orgasms.

I am not greedy, though. I will share my orgasms. If you would like to try some fancy new Herbal Essence shampoo and you are in Canada, let me know – I will send you a coupon for a free bottle. If I had less class I would stage some sort of orgasm-related contest, but .. frankly, I just do not want to go there.

I know, write me a haiku. If you want free shampoo, write me a haiku about orgasms. First 14 entries can email me their address, and I will pop a coupon in the mail for you.

And .. go.

make cars, not war

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There’s a deep and meaningful art display in the window of a snowboard shop in West Vancouver. It seems an artist is Making a Statement with his sculpture – it’s a peace symbol, made of plastic guns and grenades.

.. except the artist didn’t place the downward stroke of the peace symbol. Instead of a peace symbol, he made the Mercedes logo. Out of plastic guns. And called it “Peace”.

He could potentially be making a multi-layered statement about cars and guns and consumerism, but it is much more hilarious to think that he plain fucked up and no one caught it.

Puzzle Quest: Galactrix is not as good as the predecessor. This is unfortunate, and makes me go “boooooo” because I was really looking forward to the sequel only to discover it’s kind of stinky. I may have to set it aside for now and tackle Dragon Quest V instead – I want to finish it before Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars comes out, and the launch date is in two short weeks. It’s a good thing I have no life whatsoever, because I have a lot of video games I need to finish.

I am attempting Rainbow Sock Tuesday again, this time without toes. The last experiment ended sort of badly – I had a terrible Tuesday, and I got really sick – but I have hopes today will be better. My socks are jolly. How can today not be excellent?

I just came to a very unsettling conclusion that does not bode well for my future.

crushing disappointment vs desktop publishing

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As far as weekends go, I’ve had better – this one had far too much Crushing Disappointment for my liking.

  • The fun I was determined to have on Friday afternoon never materialized and instead Ed and I spent the weekend playing hermit
  • The smutty book I bought at the book sale had NO SMUT and it was just awful, even by crappy period romance standards
  • We watched the 4th and last Futurama movie, and it *sucked*. We love Futurama, but Into the Wild Green Yonder made us laugh exactly twice and only at the very end
  • I went black and almost immediately regretted it, wishing to go back – I dyed my hair black in a fit of misplaced teen angst, and I kind of hate it and want to go back to red
  • I got out-cocked this morning and now my pants are wet
  • I picked up two cute shirts for spring only to realize that I can’t wear them to work – far be it from me to show any sort of boobular modesty, but these shirts give me porn star rack and that is just not appropriate at the Lab
  • Did I mention that I hate my hair? I really hate my hair.

We managed to pry ourselves out of the house for breakfast with the Gang on Saturday, but the rest of the weekend was spent in solitude. It was certainly not the plan, but I guess we just needed some down time after last week’s turmoil. I am resolved to have some Good Times this week though, and my weekend is actually looking to be pretty insane – a party on Friday, OPERA on Saturday, and brunch Sunday followed by the Lo-Fi Scooter Workshop (weather permitting).

I’m attempting my most ambitious Event Planning to date with the Scooter Workshop. Spring is coming fast and furious, and we know a lot of people who have expressed interest in buying a scooter to move around town on the cheap. Since the 6 of us have 5 different scooters between us and a lot of knowledge, I came up with a brilliant plan while I was dying at Northern Voice: we could hold a WORKSHOP!

Next Sunday after brunch, we’ll be gathering in an abandoned lot somewhere with our scooters and inviting people we know to come down to check them out. It’s pretty much the only place you’ll ever get this kind of variety, since our 6 scooters have three different manufacturers and a handful of different price points. We’ll be on hand for questions and demo rides, all in (relatively) safe pressure-free environment – no sales people, and we certainly aren’t making any money off this (although please feel free to bring us drinks). I really hope the weather cooperates, because I’m very excited about this. I love talking about scooters, I really want to increase the size of our scooter gang, and best of all – I GET TO MAKE A FLYER!

The event is up on Facebook – if you think you might be interested and are not a scary stalker or axe murderer, look me up to request an invite (or leave a comment here).

SCOOTERS!

game on and on and on and on

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I updated my Nintendo DS page (added a bunch of games, ranked several others, numbered the list so I could be properly horrified), then updated my Currently Playing list. I was a bit startled to note that the last time I updated the page was March 1st – exactly one year ago. I’ve played dozens of games since then, but got a little lazy with the sharing. While I am confident that you a) do not care and b) forgive me, I will still endeavour to make it up to you.

I think I’m going to have to turf the “Recently Finished” section, though. While I’m sort of sticking with my self-imposed video game diet, I finish WAY too many games to review each one. If anyone is really curious about what I think of a particular title, just ask me and I’ll wax some poetry in your general direction.

Now I’m off to return some shirts I bought that are not low cut enough for my liking (seriously), and do some groceries. I know – my life is enviable.