all good things ..

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Yesterday marked the climax of an incredibly difficult two weeks: I quit my job. My last day will be on June 6th.

The decision to leave was a very long time in the making, because I truly loved my job. Unfortunately, a series of Unfortunate Circumstances made it impossible for me to keep calm-ish and carry on, as I’d been doing with marginal success since last July .. so I had to make the call. And it sucks.

For a very long time, I really loved my job. It was challenging and fun and I was learning more about mobile development than I ever thought possible. I found a talent for requirements that I didn’t know I had, and I was genuinely excited to ferret out all the tiny details that go into making something work. I loved my coworkers. I loved my projects. I didn’t love my desk, but even that source of daily annoyance was but a tiny fluffy cloud in the overall blue skies of my life.

After more than a year of giddiness about my job, things went south. I won’t go into detail here – you know where to find me if you want to hear the long, boring saga – but I kept thinking that maybe it would get better, and maybe things weren’t so bad, and maybe I really DID do terrible work and every other person I’ve worked with in my entire life was lying to me about my skills, and maybe no one else WOULD ever hire me, and maybe there ISN’T any value in my work, and maybe I was an awful person who deserved everything that happened, and blah blah blah Stockholm Syndrome.

Just when I learning to cope with the panic attacks, insomnia, and stress-related pointy zebra raves, the craziest thing happened: out of nowhere a massive straw fell from the sky and landed directly on a poor camel, snapping his spine into a zillion pieces! zomg!

The massive camel-seeking straw was the last of its kind, and on Friday I submitted my resignation.

I’m pretty torn up about it, because I still believe in the talents of my team and the work we were doing. I know they’ll soldier on just fine without me (hopefully not TOO fine), and my leaving isn’t that big a deal. Still, I felt so bad about abandoning them that I brought in Apology Cake as I broke the news .. I’m really going to miss them. I made a lot of friends at this job, some of whom are still there, and I’ll miss them terribly. For the longest time, I thought I could stick it out because I got to work with such awesome people, but in the end, it was a really big straw. And not a single person can blame me for doing what I have to do.

It’s not all bad, though: I start my new job on July 7th!

I have a crazy cool opportunity ahead of me, and I’m really excited about it. My confidence is a little shaky right now, but I know I can rock this shit like no other. Plus, I have three+ weeks in London between jobs which’ll go a long way in fixing my head space. Everything is coming up Milhouse – I’m looking forward to a new challenge (and also London because YAY LONDON!).

I’m sad right now, though. It’s hard not to remember how fucking amazing my job was, and think about all the cool people I’m leaving behind.

.. it was a really, really big straw.

delicious but sad

three cheers for anal

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Being anal retentive is awesome!

While preparing for my very own storage locker, I packed up some boxes and made meticulous notes on the contents of each one. It reminded me a lot of our move to BC back in 2004, when I had a huge notebook filled with page after page of lists (when you start packing for a move 6 months early, you get really good at boxes). Thankfully we’re now in the future and paper notebooks are a quaint anachronism collecting dust on my shelves, so my lists are in Evernote .. but the idea is the same: lists. Documentation. A system, complete with requirement numbering. What can I say? Tech writers gonna tech write.

Anyway, tonight I needed something obscure from my storage locker. Thanks to my notes, I was able to go immediately to the box I needed and pull out my prize. The prize is pretty lousy – three picture frames and a plate stand – but what I grabbed isn’t the point here, it’s that I have lists and notes and I am super anal retentive for one so utterly chaotic, and it fucking rules.

Three cheers for (being) anal (retentive)!

ominous!

ominous!

pointy zebra rave

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I think I may be cursed.

Yesterday afternoon, I think I had a stroke. At the very least, I had something that felt enough like what I imagine a stroke would feel like that I was terrified and tweeting out my last will and testament just in case – it was really bad. In the back of my mind I knew I probably wasn’t having a stroke, but my second Google-fueled diagnosis was pretty scary too: a detached retina. No big, right? Except OH GOD WHAT

Just before 3pm, I was applying makeup in my bathroom. I had an appointment at 4, one that I needed to be more or less presentable for – and nothing says “I’m awesome” like raccoon eyeliner. It was business as usual, but something felt a little weird in my left eye. I blinked (blunk?) through the tickle, but soon realized that there were a lot of bright flashing lights all around me. Given that I hadn’t accidentally walked into a room of paparazzi with low standards, and I wasn’t in the middle of a rave, I was a little worried. As the lights grew brighter and more distracting, I started to feel nauseous and dizzy and more than a little scared – I’d never experienced anything like this before. The flashing lights were the worst part, because I couldn’t escape them: bright yellow/black/white zigzag stripes bracketing my left eye, seen in my peripheral vision when my eyes were opened or closed. I felt like I was going to pass out or throw up (or do both in one spectacular splash), and it sucked. A lot. Even more so because of that appointment at 4 that I needed to get to. I couldn’t scoot or drive or teleport, the lights weren’t going away, and I was in a right bloody panic about it all – the only saving grace was Ed’s willingness to drive me to my appointment, lights and all. Ed is awesome.

Eventually, the lights faded out of my eyes and then disappeared entirely, only to be replaced with a massive headache. When I was able to actually use my brain again, I discovered that I very likely just experienced my very first ever Ocular Migraine – not a stroke, and probably not a torn retina. I’ve never felt anything like that, and I’m not in any great hurry to try it again. If I had to leave a review of the ocular migraine, it would receive my lowest score ever: seven thumbs up (by which I mean F————–, would not buy again).

I managed to get to my 4pm appointment, but the less said about that, the better. It .. did not go well. It’s exceedingly difficult to make a presentation when you think you’re about to keel over and die from stroking.

Cursed, I tells ya.

this is what cursed looks like

this is what cursed looks like. for hours.

scooter talkin’

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Look! Or perhaps listen (April 29th show; the scooter piece starts around 1 hour 10 minutes in)!

Last Friday morning, Michelle Eliot from CBC Radio interviewed me about scooter safety ’round the corner from Sparta. I do love scooters and I love talking about scooters (and just plain talking), so I was happy to be interviewed and wax some poetry about riding. I didn’t catch the interview live, but I just listened and I actually don’t sound like an idiot. Hooray! Scooters!

secret genius

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There’s a bulletin board outside a community centre on Hastings Street. It often has event reminders, registration dates, or other messages geared towards people who live in the area and use the centre. Sometimes, like right now, it contains a quote meant to lift your spirits, or inspire you to do great things, or go blind with seething rage every time you pass it on the street.

The quote on board reads:

TO ERE IS HUMAN
TO FORGIVE IS DIVINE

.. you see the problem here: it should read “to ERR is human”. As it stands now, the quote means “to before is human” which makes no sense. Someone goofed, and the word nerd in me wants their head on a platter. It’s a huge mistake.

OR IS IT?

The message is about forgiving the mistakes of your fellow man. What if the error (no pun intended) is intentional? What if they’re trying to tell me to calm the fuck down and untwist my panties and realize that mistakes will happen and I won’t stop breathing because of a minor spelling error no matter how enraging it may be? What if the bulletin board is made of Inception and the misspelling is simply another layer of the dream? Is this the Matrix? Is it all connected? Is the sign maker actually a genius and I a fool for my initial rage?

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE

NOT SURE OF ANYTHING

NOT SURE OF ANYTHING

My head hurts.

no.

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When I go to America, I usually bring back treats for my friends and coworkers. At first I only brought back delicious things because I am nice, but recently I’ve been bringing back bizarre things because is is frankly much more fun to be evil. For example, I could have brought back the Lemon Oreos because lemon cookies are delicious – but I’d rather see people suffer, so I brought these:

of all the fruits out there, why on earth did they choose watermelon

of all the fruits out there, why on earth did they choose watermelon

I’m not so evil that I won’t sample the horrors I bring back to share, so I did eat one. It was .. not good.

it helps if you don't dwell on how much the pink part looks like a tongue

it helps if you don’t dwell on how much the pink part looks like a tongue

My first mistake (beyond buying them in the first place) was eating it like I normally eat Oreos, which is to say I ate it in three pieces: cookie, icing, cookie. In doing this, I was made painfully aware of how much the icing tastes like and has the texture of watermelon bubblegum, making it feel like something you should not actually swallow. Multiple people have said the same thing. I’m glad the Watermelon Oreo is a limited time thing, because they’re AWFUL. Try it for yourself if you’re brave and/or stupid, but I definitely cannot recommend them as anything other than a party dare (remember the bacon jellybeans?).

I’m still getting over the last bits of my coldenflu, but I finally had my long weekend: I took Friday off. I desperately needed the mental health day, and for the first time ever I actually took (most of) a real live vacation day: didn’t check email (after 11am), didn’t send any responses (after the first two), didn’t stress over any of my projects (for the most part). It was really nice. I of course felt guilty about it, but in between all the guilt Miranda and I ran away to America for errands and shopping. It was a glorious spring day, we bought all of the cute things (there are none left, sorry), and fun was had. I also did an interview with CBC (more on that later). It was a very productive almost-no-work Friday.

Back to feeling trapped! At least I have watermelon Oreos.

deja vu

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As I piteously whined about being sick and missing out on the many things going on this weekend (which, to be perfectly honest, I would hate actually attending given my inability to handle crowds), I couldn’t help but feel I had done this before – and in fact, I had. Last year, to be exact. I had a terrible flu/cold over the 4/20 weekend last year, and felt sorry for myself because I missed out on Record Store Day, the Vancouver Fan Expo, 420 at the Vancouver Art Gallery, a goodbye party and several other fun things. Going forward, I will block this week out on my calendar as “STUPID SICK WEEK”. This way, I will not be surprised and amazed when everything is terrible and I can’t leave the house for 6 days because all my things hurt.

As I haven’t been downtown for the 420 rally in a number of years, I had NO IDEA that it’s basically gone from a bunch of people in weird hats smoking pot in large groups on the lawn to a fucking circus. And because I didn’t know that the 420 rally is now a fucking circus, I made plans to meet up with someone at the ice rink today at 1pm. That was interesting, made all the more so because I really shouldn’t have left the house .. but hey, I managed to sell my Pentax fisheye lens, so it was worth it. Plus, contact high! We had to wade through SO MANY PEOPLE to get to the rink, and it was kind of nuts – basically, the rally has grown to encompass an entire city block of kiosks and vendors openly selling massive amounts of pot and pot-food. There was a band, and food trucks. Roads were closed! The City of Vancouver will close off Robson between Hornby and Howe for any old reason – craft fair, bake sale, pillow fight, Tuesday – but this was the very first time I’ve ever seen Howe itself closed (between Georgia and Robson). It was amazing to behold, and I felt really bad for the poor Japanese student I was meeting at the rink – he’d only been in Canada for 2 weeks, and was just the cutest little thing. Still, he was a good sport and now has an awesome camera lens, and I have some money that will either buy me things in London, or most of a Nexus 5. The jury is still out on that one.

I’m mostly done being sick. I mean, I’ve been so over this for days now, but by tomorrow I’ll probably be able to go to work and not pass out from the exertion of waiting for the bus.

Hooray.

just a flesh wound

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I passed my motorcycle road test! I am a fully licensed motorcycle rider, and only 7 years late! HOORAY! I AM LEGAL!

I am also SORE AS HELL! Because I got into an accident. Half an hour before my road test. I went boom!

I arrived at the test centre early so I could warm up on the loaner motorcycle (if I had tested on Lola, I’d only qualify for a restricted Class 6 license – scooters only). The weather has been typical April in Vancouver: raining steadily for the last two days or so. Roads are wet and slippery, but I did half my class in a friggin’ white out – I can deal with rain. Plus, rain gear! I have some now. I was (for once) dressed appropriately for the weather, so I was technically ready for everything .. except, as it turns out, gravity.

On my pre-ride I drove around a little, practicing my exaggerated shoulder checks and lane positions. For the first ten minutes, all was good .. but then I went downhill, and hit the brakes a little too hard. I locked up a tire, skidded on the wet road/crosswalk paint, and BOOM – down I went, on my left side. My leg was trapped under the bike, so I sat there for a bit waiting for someone to notice me (echoes of my dislocation accident, when I couldn’t actually get up because arm flopping). Several people rushed over to help, and lifted the bike up enough for me to extract my leg. I got up and made sure nothing was broken, and an awesome lady who stopped to help walked the motorcycle over to the curb for me and put the kickstand up (she was a fellow rider and knew what to do while I stood around being wet and stupid). An older gentleman wanted to call an ambulance, but a) I had a road test in 20 minutes and b) I was fine, if banged up a little. I convinced everyone I was okay and thanked them profusely for their assistance, then dealt with the poor loaner bike I had dropped – the engine had flooded and I broke the left turn signal, but it was drivable. I had a sheepish ride back to the test centre and just enough time to tell my instructor what happened (and arrange to use a different bike) before I had to go inside and get my paperwork done: it was test time.

Because my life is a ridiculous opera of comedic bad timing, the rain started coming down harder. I checked in and paid my $50, then used my waiting time to meditate past the spill – I HAD to get this test done today, and I had to knock it out of the park, because complicated deadlines are looming. I thankfully managed to find some sort of zen, and then it was time to ride.

I am eternally grateful for the practice test I ran through with ProRide the evening before, meaning that none of today was a surprise to me (except for the whole “falling down” thing. that was unexpected.). I wore a stylish reflective vest with a radio attached to it, and a car would follow me while the tester gave me instructions. There were a few hiccups – we got separated on the highway, so all my excellent lane changing and merging skills were not reviewed. I eventually had to pull over and let the van catch up so they could continue assessing my mad skillz, and the test continued. Turn left. Turn right. Do a u-turn. Change lanes. Do a little dance. Make a little love. Get down tonight. Woo!

45 minutes later, we returned to ICBC. I was a little worried that I had failed because of a few slip ups (non-exaggerated shoulder checks and that whole “getting separated” thing), but after pointing out a couple things I did wrong, he gave me the verdict: I PASSED! HOORAY! I paid an additional $75 (my license needed renewing, not just upgrading) and got my picture taken while soaking wet and dripping mascara. I don’t get my new license yet though – apparently I need to do another interview to prove I don’t have an evil twin because my license is Enhanced (ooh fancy) – but after that, I’m golden. With a full class 56. I PASSED MY TEST!

AND I DID IT WHILE TOTALLY SICK! Seriously, fuck this cold/flu thing. I’m going to go lie down and hope the room stops spinning, and then maybe check my new bruises out. I’m a total wreck (no pun intended), but I officially don’t EVER have to ride a motorcycle again if I don’t want to. YAY ME!

.. owwwww.

i can ride you legally!

i can ride you legally!

don’t panic

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I woke up this morning with a swollen tongue and an insanely sore throat, because this is the single worst time in the history of everything ever for me to be sick:

  • I have an invasive doctorb appointment this afternoon that will see my germ-laden ass idling in a waiting room seething with pregnant women
  • Tomorrow is day one of a 2-day discovery at work
  • I am on the agenda to talk for approximately 5 hours
  • My practice road test is tomorrow evening
  • My REAL road test is Thursday morning
  • I had to miss a work trip to Portland for the discovery because of my utterly immovable road test – I must take the test and pass it this week, or the entire universe will be in jeopardy
  • Okay maybe not the entire universe but certainly MY universe – my DL expires while in London so I must renew before we leave, and there are Complicated Complications around my skills test and learner’s license that I will literally run out of time to deal with if I don’t pass my road test and upgrade/renew my license this week
  • I am way, way, too busy to be sick

Damnit. I don’t have TIME for this and also I feel like crap. I’m lucky that I only get colds or the flu once a year or so, but why did it have to be THIS week? I’m SO BUSY. And my coworkers are going to flip out if I’m unable to talk tomorrow. DAMNIT! LIFE IS HARD!

I had already arranged to work from home today so I could go to the doctorb this afternoon, but I honestly think my going to the appointment would be a bad idea so I’m trying to reschedule it. It’s just a quick check up to make sure my new hardware is still where they left it, so I don’t think the world will end if I wait until my throat isn’t on fire to go, but I feel bad about a last minute reschedule. Then again, I would feel worse about being sick in a room full of preggos. Moving my appointment would definitely be the lesser of two evils here.

I wonder if Ed would make me some tea.

Coming soon: a shameful secret I’ve been holding onto since the 4th grade. Just when I thought I was completely out of secrets to tell, I found one more! Hooray!