This never fails to make me laugh:
Even more, now that I’ve seen the new Star Trek movie (which I enjoyed, even though the destruction of San Francisco is really going to fuck up our vacation plans .. again).
This week: exciting news, for real!
Aren’t you just a-tingle with anticipation?!
Ed’s appointment with the doctor was almost anti-climatic: they found nothing. The doctor theorized that Ed’s body was fighting off a Mega Infection by being a bit of a dick, so reinforcements in the form of antibiotics ought to turn the tide of war in his favour. Ed was given a prescription and sent on his way, and that’s that. He should be feeling better by Saturday, and if he’s not .. well, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, but all the results from his blood test and germy swabs came back on the excellent side of normal (show off) which is better than we were hoping for (we had already self-diagnosed a stage 8 case of golf herpe aids).
Thank you all for the comments and emails and texts – they definitely helped me calm down. Last night I was even able to sleep, and food is remaining in my body. I may even start planning our trip to San Francisco again, as we’ve both been remarkably apathetic about the entire thing.
Real life is scary.
At this particular moment in time, I’m more scared than I can ever remember being.
Ed is sick. He’s been sick for a while now. What started out as a cold lingered, turned into bronchitis, then the flu. He’s had a rattle in his chest for months, and extremely painful lymph nodes. He’s pretty much in discomfort 24/7, and there isn’t a hell of a lot he can do about it.
It could be anything. He might have an infection, or a nasty case of strep throat, or even tonsillitis. Maybe he really did swallow some golf balls, and forgot about it. Maybe our imaginations are running away with each other, and it’s a silly minor thing that’ll be cleared up quickly.
But maybe it’s not.
That last maybe is unbearable. I’ve been tense with worry for weeks, and today it all came to a head – I am freaking out, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to show how scared and worried I am, because Ed needs me to be calm so HE doesn’t freak out. I had a good handle on it – sure I can’t sleep or keep food down, but I kept things light hearted and superficial. Today, though. Can’t get through today. I want to scream and yell and cry and swear and throw things and make an awful racket to drown out the things in my head .. but I can’t. Have to stay calm. I want to be comforting and soothing, but I don’t know how – I feel brittle and sharp, like I’d shred your flesh if I got too close. There’s a giant wall of fear and worry and I can’t see through it to be what he needs, and knowing that is making it worse – I can never be what he needs. I am bad at everything.
He has an appointment tomorrow morning to discuss test results. Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe it’s something, but minor and easily fixable. Maybe by the weekend he’ll be feeling better and we can look back on this terror and laugh. Maybe I’ll figure out how to set aside a lifetime of living inside my own head and learn how to say the right thing; perfect words that’ll make him better. Maybe there’s something on the internet that’ll teach me how to be a better wife.
It better not be on YouTube, though.
How do you deal with crushing fear? I’m fairly certain the answer is “do the opposite of what you’re doing”, but I can’t shake it. I held it together for so long, but tonight I’ve lost it and I feel like the worst person ever and I can’t get past my own freaking out to be what he needs and that fucking sucks so hard.
Scared.
It’s just not a long weekend if I don’t completely fuck up my sleep patterns for no good reason. Up until 2am! Awake at 6! Rinse and repeat until today, when I actually wanted to get up and out of the house early – except I was so tired from three nights of poor/small sleep I couldn’t keep my eyes open, and I ended up napping at 8am! Boo. Today was .. not productive, unless you count the skirt: I finished up a skirt made up of a dress I cut in half. There was also a lot of me time, and perogies. Both the me time and the perogies involved a lot of bacon, so I suppose it was a good day after all.
As far as long weekends go, it was a quiet one. I tried to rouse interest in people for social times, but that failed spectacularly so Ed and I just hung out with ourselves. We had a really good time by our lonesomes: there were hidden comic book stores, a trip up Burnaby Mountain where there were bees, terrible terrible frozen yogurt, ALL THE ANIMALS EVER, Five Guys, and more: adventure! Apparently, we ARE capable of doing more than playing Guild Wars 2/MechWarrior Online for untold hours at a time. Good for us.
So, Burnaby Mountain. We like going up there because it’s rarely busy, and there are some spectacular views of the city and Burrard Inlet. Saturday turned out to be really nice, so after a variety of fascinating errands we took a drive up to see what we could find. Answer: all the bees ever, a battered old ladybug, some incredible views, and honest-to-god raindrops on roses (the whiskers on kittens and warm woollen mittens were at home).
Sunday was more of the same: morning moping, then afternoon in the sun. We went to North Vancouver to try out Menchie’s Frozen Yogurt, which was actually terrible: I didn’t know it was possible to make frozen yogurt taste horrible, but then there’s Menchie’s. We love Pinkberry and Qoola, but never again shall we be swayed by an adorable logo – Menchie’s was gross. We couldn’t find one flavour of yogurt that didn’t taste like ass (how do you fuck up strawberry), and settled for their sorbet which tasted like deodorant. Honestly, the best part of the visit was the awesome friendly cat that came to say hi on the patio, and the cute spoons.
Next up: Stanley Park. I wanted to see if there were any baby geese about, so we parked along Lost Lagoon and went for a walk. On our walk we saw:
.. and more, all in the span of an hour. Lost Lagoon in the spring has been officially added to my List of Things I’ll Miss if I Leave Vancouver, which was sort of an ongoing theme over the weekend. There are things I would miss, like the easy access to nature and wildlife. My goal throughout the summer is to remind myself of all the things I’d miss if I left, and to recapture the joy I had when we first got here .. but that’s another post I’m not ready to write yet, so moving on.
Which we did, to Five Guys. I miss the one at Park Royal (which will be back when all the construction is done), but the new location downtown helps – at any rate, it’s not Surrey. I may love Five Guys in my mouth, but I’d never go to Surrey to satisfy my itch (unless that itch involves picking up Stephanie on our way out of dodge).
We really did see a lot this weekend, so I can’t really complain. I did, though. Out loud, where no one can hear me.
I’m looking forward to going back to work tomorrow: interesting things are afoot and hopefully I will have some news soon. News! It has goo written all over it!
i’m in the goo!
Television has taught me that there is nothing people in the past liked better than to gather in a darkened room with a scotch in one hand and a cigarette in the other, fire up the ol’ Kodak, and look at pictures of someone’s vacation. It was like taking the best AND worst of Instagram and adding a hostage situation to make it more fun. It was PowerPoint and scrapbooking rolled into one, without the kitschy themes and those dreadful quote stickers. It was a pure piece of historic Americana .. and now it’s back, and friggin’ ADORABLE:
tiny tiny projector is tiny tiny cute!
Meet Projecteo! It was a Kickstarter project I backed last year because I love ridiculous gadgets, cute things, and spending money. Mine arrived yesterday, and it is so cool! It fits in the palm of my tiny elf hand, is powered by three (included) watch batteries, and came with a reel of my 9 favourite Instagram pictures. You’ll soon be able to order more reels, which will be awesome – I’m already planning all kinds of hostage situations in which you’re forced to view my vacation slides even though you’ve already seen the pictures on Instagram, Facebook, and my blog. Too bad! They’re different when shown in tiny 35mm format! The picture quality is very good (don’t let my picture above fool you – it’s hard to take a good picture of a tiny slideshow projected onto an iMac in a bright office with a phone) (hah that sentence is so future times), and it’s super fun to whip it out and show people (just like genitals!).
I’m totally pleased with the outcome of this Kickstarter. TINY CUTE GADGET! HOORAY!
Here’s a helpful tip from me to you:
Don’t put yogurt in your pocket.
Specifically, don’t put yogurt in your pocket and then forget you put yogurt in your pocket.
You will inevitably squish it and end up with soggy yogurt in your pants, and then people will laugh at you.
I’m not sure if they’re laughing at the giant wet spot or the fact that I had yogurt in my pocket, but they are definitely laughing.
Now I am sad and soggy and probably sticky.
Today sucks. THANKS OBAMA
I took Friday off work anad went to Victoria, because I felt guilty for reasons. I didn’t want to go, and until I was on the ferry I was in danger of changing my mind – but I did my daughterly duties (and then some), so I’m off the hook for a little while. I do plan on scooting to Victoria this summer (because it is one of the greatest times ever), but I think we’re going to call it a vacation and stay at a hotel: I hate my mother’s place, and I hate the week of back pain I get for every night I sleep on plywood.
I gave my mom all the presents this weekend, which covers me for Mother’s Day and her birthday in early June. Ed and I gave her a new TV to replace the dinosaur 27″ CRT she had (and still has, because the two of us were unable to lift the damn thing to move it out of the living room), and I had a couple pictures of her cat done up in fancy frames by Hatchcraft. I also used the Power of the Internet to order her a CD she mentioned, and took her out to lunch. I am a Good Daughter <tm>.
Before leaving yesterday, I got a chance to go through my dad’s papers. While I couldn’t find anything belonging to my grandparents, I did find my dad’s birth certificate and my parent’s marriage certificate. While I was away, I also received the birth certificate of the correct Edith Jane Cornes in the mail. All this means that I can:
.. is that enough?
My grandmother had many siblings, some of whom helpfully attended the official birthing ceremony (or whatever they did in the early 1900s) of my dad – two of her brothers are listed as witnesses. Thanks to the work Ken did, I’m certain the line he found is the correct one, and people from that family can be traced from birth in England, through immigration to Canada, and in some cases, death. I still don’t know how my grandparents met, when they got married, and what happened to Edith after her husband died. I may never know, but that isn’t the pressing point here: is this enough to get me to the UK?
If I can prove the blood lines, it seems weird and archaic that I would have to prove the legality of it all. After all, I missed being illegitimate by two weeks – even if my parents hadn’t married, I’d still belong to them.
Interesting stuff. Still all hypotheticals, but at least I’m getting somewhere.
all new 100% organic grandmother
An iOS game in which you use a slingshot to break up the suicidal thoughts of others? French people, you weird.
bad day? razor blades and poison mushrooms!
this is weird, right? it’s not just me?
Not much going on. Kinda bored, actually. Need some excitement.
this is interesting, but not really exciting unless you like the smell of pee.
Things make me sigh.
Last night I toyed around with a new craft idea:
blue = josh and shan; yellow = heather
I came up with three different setups that each hold three keys, and I’m thinking of selling them in kits:
If you saw someone with a great rack selling these (and my lego necklaces) at a local craft fair, would you be interested? What would you consider a fair price? Help me, internet. Be my market research.
If it helps, each kit could come with free Smuttons! Hang your keys, get some porn! Everybody wins!
Thoughts?
Darth Vader finds your lack of the following things disturbing:
lego minifigs
his torso
trail mix
looooove
domo-kun
other vaders
iron in your diet
fabulous, sparkly birds
I got a new candy bowl today.
It is the greatest candy bowl in the history of candy bowls.
Also, it holds things that are not candy.
This is going to be fun.
caw!
