I’m hungry, but I don’t want to eat. I feel like crying, but the tears won’t come and there’s nothing to cry about anyway. My chest is kind of tight – oh god, my chest is tight. Is this it? Am I destined to die on the couch, half dressed and surrounded by cornnuts that missed my mouth? No, that isn’t it. I’m just being silly. So what is it? What could be filling my lungs with all this dread and noise? Why am I screaming? Where did the light go?
someone’s at the door
Does anyone remember the short-lived CBS series “American Gothic” that aired in 1995? It was creepy as hell, and to this day the phrase “someone’s at the door” gives me pee shivers of fear (instead of pee). No one I ever mention this to has any idea what I’m talking about (which is basically the story of my life), so I have to make my own fun with references. Anyway, I was having a conversation with a co-worker when he saw my phone ring and said “someone’s at the door” and then Gary Cole showed up and was all menacing at me and possibly the devil and now my day is just shot to hell. TO. HELL.
Other random thoughts for this grey, resolved Monday:
- I’m getting real sick of your shit, Preston Garvey. I’ve got him stashed at Tenpines Bluff, and last night he TWICE was all “another settlement needs our help! there are ghouls at Tenpines Bluff, you have to save them!” and I’m all “bitch we are AT Tenpines Bluff how about you get your damn trench coat out of the mutifruit bushes and KILL THOSE GHOULS YOURSELF oh man you are so useless no wonder everyone hates the Minutemen” (I have many conversations at the television, most of which involve me mouthing off to NPCs)
- The only thing worst than Preston and his settlements that need “our” help: the Brotherhood of Steel, flying around in their fancy helicopters that can be brought down by a mean glare and their lack of being any help whatsoever
- I finally saw the new Star Wars on Saturday night and it was awesome. I managed to remain mostly spoiler-free before going in, so everything was a pleasant and/or heartbreaking surprise. I enjoyed the novelty of a bad guy who can take off his mask when he wants to “rap” or “get real” with people, was appropriately terrified by the impotent-with-rage ginger, think the Big Chair guy is compensating for an awful lot, and want a remote-controlled BB-8 NOW.
- The only thing I had seen Poe in previously was this, which made things pretty funny inside my head
- Our next adventure is in 39 days and I am excite
- I am also homesick for London
- Which is weird
- The TV we ordered on Black Friday arrived on Saturday and it is big and intimidating
- Ed: “.. we could have gone bigger”
- Me: *cough*
Right. Back at it, then. So busy! So much to do!
looking back
Oh, 2015. You were an interesting creature, weren’t you? That isn’t to say you were bad, not by any stretch of the imagination – at times you were challenging, but for the most part you were a lot of fun. If 2016 can live up to the bar you set (with one large exception), then I’m in for a pretty good year indeed.
What happened in 2015?
The year started out kind of lousy, because I was sick. Very sick. So, so, so sick. We thought I had sleep apnea, so we tried to get me tested .. but the equipment never worked properly so it was basically just a huge hassle for no good reason. I kept getting sicker, so the list of possible diseases I had grew exponentially. When I wrote the post, I threw “Catastrophic Heart Failure” onto the list as a joke – yes, it came up almost every time I researched my symptoms, but that can’t possibly be the cause. It’s my lungs that are the problem! In retrospect, this is darkly hilarious:
I can’t sleep because my lungs keep filling with fluid. I Googled furiously to see if I should go to the hospital or not, but all that did was convince me that I am experiencing heart failure which makes me panic and then my breathing sucks even more. All things point to getting immediate care, but I don’t want to bother anyone. That seems so rude and unnecessary.
FORESHADOWING!
Also, I found out I was not an octopus, went to Seattle for a mini-vacation and a bathtub that filled from the ceiling, and clung precariously to life; a minor spasm of hyperbole that turned out to be far closer to the truth than anyone anticipated.
After my Adventures in Hospitalization and impatience in not getting better immediately, life continued on. I never did tell my mother about my health issues, because frankly I don’t want to deal with the fallout or um make her worry. Yes, that’s it. I’m just sparing her feelings, is all. March was all about getting better, realizing I wasn’t going to make it to London in May, deep thinkie thoughts about death, vainly hoping for Half Life 3, and going to Ucluelet for some storm watching. All of these weren’t necessarily great things – I really wanted to go to London in May, and I was sad that my mom lost a friend – but I was still alive, so that was pretty super.
April was dull, but May was pretty great. Went to Seattle for a show, went to a wedding reception for awesome people, traveled to Portland for Write the Docs 2015. All fun things! I got continual updates about my health during this time, and was pleased to see that I was definitely getting better bit by bit. We spent some time on a boat with friends, was disgusted by my neighbours and their rampant NIMBYism, and was generally a whole a lot of uncomfortable because I was STILL itchy from the penicillin I took the previous November to cure my streps. That sucked. Not nearly as much as being asked when my baby was due, or having to skip a party because I had germs – July was a big pity party all ’round. People were grumpy at me for various reasons. I countered with glitter glue and paper umbrellas, and the Manic Pixie Dream Girl starter kit. Also, I was going to London! I think I started packing in July, for my departure in September. When I wasn’t planning my trip, I was loitering with my youth gang and generally being a menace to society, as we tech professionals often are. You know how it goes.
In August I learned that the “don’t use a hot tub if you have a heart condition” signs weren’t merely for show, and I got attacked/threatened by an asshat in an SUV in front of my parkade door. Neither of those were very good. However, right around the corner was September and that meant it was time to go to the UK!
I don’t remember much about November and December, other than I wasn’t in the UK. It was good to be home, but I wanted to still be traveling. I did find out that I was going to Barcelona in February, which is kind of insane but very exciting. I did a lot of Things for Other People, such as the Christmas Wish breakfast and the Shoebox Project and the Hour of Code. We went to Seattle for a 2-day, 3-unicorn party, had many Good Times with excellent people, went to Edmonton for some much-needed Family Time, and then back to Seattle and our favourite Americans to ring in the New Year. Oh, and I started gaming again: I finished Assassin’s Creed Tea and Crumpets, and I’m 32 levels into Fallout 4.
2016 has barely begun, but it has some fairly big shoes to fill. I can’t wait to see what the year has in store for me, and I am BEYOND EXCITED about the 2 (TWO!) international trips we have planned (one booked, one in the planning stages) .. plus a third, yet-to-be-determined thing to happen in the fall. I have a health checkup early next week to find out how my heart is doing (today is the 11 month anniversary of my almost-dead), exciting fun times are planned for various weekends this month, and things are mostly really excellent (Stockholm Syndrome aside). Let’s do this, 2016! I have a brand new passport to fill!
i earned this.
busy night
Things that fell out of my bra when I went to bed this morning:
- Two large glitter hearts
- A stegosaurus
- $0.21 USD
- A small green rubber man
- 1 (one) cashew
- A Twinkie wrapper
- iPhone cable
- A torn-up-then-reassembled letter claiming I will be shot by terrorists at 1:30am on the night Marty travels back in time
- Beef jerky
My breasts had an excellent start to 2016.
Happy New Year!
#first
live from bed
It’s just after 1:30pm on a Tuesday afternoon. The sun is shining, birds won’t shut up about it, and I am buried under a mountain of blankets with no plans to get out of bed anytime soon. This is how you vacation. I have figured it out.
We’re in Edmonton, at the parent’s house. It’s been quite lovely – outside is cold and frozen and made of ice, so we’ve spent most of our time inside the warm house being all family-y. Today is our last full day here, and so I’m spending it in bed like an adult. Even taking our whimsical carefree lifestyle into account, this level of sloth is a luxury – I’d forgotten how easy/nice it is to sleep like a lump when no one stands on your bladder and yells in your face when the food dish is only half full instead of overflowing.
For the entire week leading up to Christmas, we were busy. There were outings, friends in town, dinners to attend, and rum-based cocktails to chug – it was all wholly excellent, but also exhausting and expensive. Even getting to Edmonton was complicated: we missed the checked baggage cutoff by three minutes (my fault, I HAD to backup my phone before we left the house and iTunes decided it would be a great time to transfer 1992 ID3 tags to my phone) and weren’t allowed on our flight. Thankfully, we were flying Westjet and they happily put us on the next flight without issue. We got in to Edmonton barely an hour later than intended, which was pretty sweet. We lucked out big time – there was a massive detour on the way to the airport thanks to a warehouse fire, the park n’ ride lot was completely full (even tho I prepaid because that’s how I roll) but Ed sweet-talked the attendant into allowing us to park our tiny car into a spot that had been blocked off for construction, we flagged down a shuttle that was leaving the lot so we didn’t have to wait for the next one .. and we STILL missed the bag cutoff, but it all worked out. We basically had two options: the 7:45am flight, or a 10pm one, as every other flight to Edmonton in between was full. Between this and the overly complicated train to Edinbugh, I’ve used up all my allotted travel karma for 2015.
We head home tomorrow afternoon, spend one night making the cats love us again, then head out in the morning: it’s New Year’s Eve, and Seattle beckons. Friends and loved ones and alcohol (but NO POT COOKIES) await! 2015 has been an interesting year, and 2016 is shaping up to be ridiculous (in a good way).
Happy holidays to all of youse!
happy new yarrrrrrrrr
oh hi
It’s been an exhausting but ultimately satisfying couple of weeks. I’ve been Doing Things non-stop since the end of November, with no real end in sight – but for the moment, at least, I’m able to sit and breathe and think without something exploding off to my right that I really ought to deal with.
I’m not complaining, honest. Everything I’ve done has been rewarding in one way or another, and the only real casualties were a few lost hours of sleep, possibly being flagged in a government database as a Bad Person, and a Fallout 4 game that has been sorely neglected.
Doin’ Stuff:
- On November 26th, I (and Sam and several others) got to play Social Media Elf at the Pan Pacific Christmas Wish Breakfast. I tweeted and instagrammed all the action as over 5000 Vancouverites brought new, unwrapped toys into the hotel in exchange for breakfast and entertainment. It was a lot of fun and I would absolutely do it again – there were SO MANY TOYS! We elves were totally spoiled, too – we got to spend a night in the hotel and have a fancy dinner in the lounge, in addition to a morning spent in the jolliest environment I could imagine. It was awesome.
- The following Tuesday, a group of people got together at work to put together gifts for the Shoebox Project. Sam organized everything, and at the end of the evening we had 18 gift boxes each filled with a variety of small luxury goodies, ready to be distributed at shelters in Vancouver. I don’t really have anyone to buy gifts for, so I kind of went crazy buying things for the shoeboxes. I like giving presents, damnit.
- It was then off to Seattle for Ed’s work Christmas party. I had to skip my own work party, but it was a pretty good trade off: we took the train over the border, spent three nights at a Fancy Ass Hotel in downtown Seattle, and enjoyed the company people who are more friends than coworkers. Love those people. Also, I could really get used to spending time in luxury hotels. 4 nights in 11 days? Yes please.
- On Tuesday the 8th, we hosted 25 kids at work for the Hour of Code. I put in a metric shit ton of work into the event even though I am terrified of kids, and I think it went well – we’ve been getting thank you emails from the parents all week, the kids all said they had fun, and I got to play to my two main strengths: organizing events and writing tutorials.
- That same week, we had a 2-day Hackathon at work. Everyone created totally awesome things – my own work seems kind of lame in comparison, but I’m pretty happy with the outcome: I ended up building a custom JIRA tool that tracks the tools used by the department and the budgets required. The project was my boss’s brain child, but I managed to do things in two different programs I’d never done before and make them talk to one another. It’s a small achievement, but it’s mine. We got the project to a point where we could demo it, but I want to finish it because I didn’t get to implement a few things I think would be super cool (as cool as anything JIRA-related can be, of course). I’m not a huge fan of “pencils down” deadlines – I got pretty fucking stressed trying to coordinate everything on time – but it was fun to push myself and see what I could do, all fuelled by Diet Coke and loud swearing.
- This morning, I found something I thought I lost forever
- My Christmas present from Ed arrived and it is ridiculous and makes me go “eeeeeeee”
- I’m still going to Barcelona in February, and that is balls out crazy nuts
- BLOOD ORANGE IS BACK AT PINKBERRY HOLY SHIT
Seriously, guys: life is pretty good. #soblessed, and all that.
shiny!
be prepared
I like to be prepared for every situation, no matter how unlikely. To that end, I carry around a lot of things – a good idea in theory, but a pain in the ass in practice. I’ve been slowly trying to wean myself off my need to carry the universe on my shoulder, but it’s been difficult because WHAT IF. What if I need to tighten the screws on my glasses? What if Mike desperately needs a nail file? What if aliens will take over the world unless someone presents them with 9 different kinds of lip gloss this instant? I am prepared for all these situations. I am the hero you deserve, even if you don’t need me right now.
In preparation for tomorrow’s Seattle Adventure, I emptied my bag out so I could do some shuffling from my everyday canyon-sized bag to a small, evening-appropriate bag shaped like a cat (because adult). I took a good hard look at everything in my bag, looking for places I could make cuts.
This is what I carry around daily:
- 4 loose dimes
- Two Mio water enhancers (same flavour)
- One lens cleaning cloth (aka “cheese”)
- One empty Crown Royal bag
- An Olloclip
- A fancy-ass travel card holder that holds my work badge, a keycard to get into my building, my com-pass, and a spare $20
- My wallet (insert picture of hottie boyfriend here)
- One mini emergency kit minus the tampon because Mirena, suckas
- A small box of artisan chocolates
- Half a honey truffle bar
- A cookie I didn’t eat last night
- A Hootsuite first aid kit
- My glasses
- A glitter gel pen
- Two leather heart tassel thingies
- My fabulous pill box, full of Advil and allergy pills
- 3 wads of napkins in varying states of use
- Sunglasses for some reason
- Lens cleaning brush (this thing is awesome)
- A hard maple candy from my local poutinery
- Two portable battery chargers totalling 17200 mAh, because range anxiety
- Makeup Bag:
- Nail File
- Nail clippers
- Tweezers
- 1 Barette
- Two mini perfumes
- 6 individual hand lotion samples
- 1 mini mega moisturizer, for moistening all the things
- 1 vial of peppermint oil
- 1 mirror
- 3 eyeliners
- 1 double-sided eyeliner
- 5 tubes of lip balm
- Powder compact
- Mini luminizer compact
- Tech Bag:
- USB Security key
- Bluetooth remote
- Spare 16GB SD card
- Glasses screwdriver
- Small packet of stick-on googly eyes
- iPhone wall plug
- Tiny robot charm
- This key
- The World’s Dirtiest Smutton
- A round pebble
- The “Whisper a secret/follow it” MPDG card
- Earphones
- Boring, non-glitter pen
- A Hello Kitty locket containing two SIM cards for other countries
- 4 iPhone charging cables (one of them is a string of Christmas lights!)
- 1 mini USB cable (diversity!)
- House keys (huge and unwieldy)
- Car keys (slightly more wieldy)
No wonder my back hurts all the time. On the upside, at least I’m prepared for many things. I haven’t the slightest idea what I could cut from this list that wouldn’t leave me stranded in an emergency .. I just need a bigger bag. Problem solved!
Tomorrow I get to take a train!
change of plans
Whatever Ed and I had planned to do today, I’m fairly certain it didn’t involve an emergency trip to the clinic followed up by a case of mistaken identity (and eggs).
First, the emergency: we were lying in bed this morning, playing with the cats. I was being a scary blanket ghost, and as I peered out through a hole, Dilly decided to attack. She pounced on the scary blanket ghost and managed to snag my eye with her claw through the hole, catching my lower eyelid and missing my eyeball by a hair. My vision is fine, but she left a big scratch on my lower eyelid that kinda hurts but more importantly could be full of cat bacteria and unseemly isotopes. We got dressed and drove to the clinic, where I was prescribed antibiotic eye drops (but no eye patch, which makes me so sad) and told to douse my eye liberally and come the fuck back if things start to swell or mutate.
In addition to the eye drops, we decided to self-medicate at Denny’s. When we were seated, our server was very excited to see me again! I’m so sweet, how am I doing? I smiled and nodded and made appropriate noises, but I honestly have NO IDEA who this lady is. She kept patting my arm and telling me how sweet and lovely I am and how nice it is to see me again – she’s very sweet herself, but so confusing. Breakfast was delicious though, and I’m sure it helped my eye immensely. We said goodbye to my new/old friend, and then it was off to get the eye drops and video games.
Now I’m at home, doped up in the eye, and not wearing any pants. Life is good.
apropos of nothing: sea planes
style goals: potato
There’s a Fancy Party coming up, and I have nothing to wear.
It’s true that 90% of my closet is fancy, but it’s all casual fancy. This is my one chance a year to get super fancy, and I am finding my closet lacking.
It doesn’t help that my overall look, shape, and aura is that of a potato. As useful and delicious as potatoes are, it is really a defeating thing to be. I mean, I try very hard to remain upbeat and all “rah rah I love me” at all times (even when utterly unwarranted), but today I am extra potato. I’m trying to think of how I could dress up for Fancy Times. It’s not working, because potato. Why bother? When you dress up a potato, all you have is an embellished potato. A potato with sequins. Cocktail potato. Clubbin’ potato. Aww, look at that adorable potato. It thinks it’s people!
I am a glum potato.
me in happier potato times
so about those things
In spite of the rage in the previous post, my boredom and self-pity won out and I ended up purchasing the game at full price. Since then, I’ve been basically glued to the couch with a controller in hand – turns out, I really like Assassin’s Creed. And London. Probably mostly London. I’m halfway through the game, and determined to finish it before I crack open Fallout 4 (my copy isn’t arriving until Thursday, so as long as I avoid the entire internet, I’ll be fine). This is the first Assassin’s Creed game I’ve ever played, and I’ve been having a lot of fun, mostly because it’s the closest I’m ever going to get to being able to crawl around my favourite London monuments without being thrown in jail/falling to my death. Also, I’ve gotten SO GOOD at assassinating people! This will undoubtedly come in handy the next time I have to go to the mall.
So, um, I’m going to Barcelona in February. Does anyone know how to Spain? I do not know how to Spain. Any pointers you could give me on how to Spain would be greatly appreciated, because I am out of my element here (my element being restricted to anything that is requirement based, London, or assassinating people for fun).
I am excited to see additional parts of Europe! At last, “International Kimli of Mystery” will be more than just Western Canada, the Pacific Northwest, and 20 square blocks of London!
artist’s rendition of me in barcelona, totally to scale.
delicious juice dot com 