happy birthday, ed

You are my favourite!

ed is knee-deep in pussy, as usual

all for ed

.. and this was my Sunday:

scandinave spa in whistler

the nordic pool is my favourite - i apparently like being cold ass cold

sploosh!

tall mountie is tall

Ed’s birthday is on Tuesday, and we spent the weekend doing birthday things. I was working with a theme, of sorts – “Do Stuff for Ed”. See, I get out a lot and go to neat places and have adventures and experiences and more fun times I can shake many sticks at. Ed is usually not there when I do these fun things, for a variety of reasons – so I end up with a great big list of places I want to share with him at some point. This past weekend was that point, so we Had Adventures just for him all weekend long.

On Saturday, we rented a boat at Horseshoe Bay and went out on the water for a couple hours. The weather managed to behave, and we even got some sun on the water for a bit. It was just the two of us, and it was SO MUCH FUN – I took several hundred pictures of seals. We’ve always talked about renting a boat and going out on the water someday, and I am tired of waiting for someone else to declare it was officially someday so we did it – and it was awesome. Boats are so fun! They could be the new scooters! It’s actually pretty reasonable to rent a boat, too, so I’m definitely going to be declaring someday again this summer. I uploaded some of the 500+ pictures I shot on my Flickrs; check them out why not.

We brought it down a little on Sunday, and drove up to Whistler early in the morning. I had booked an hour-long Swedish massage for Ed at Scandinave Spa; after which we would visit the baths and get our soak on. Ed is a big fan of massages (I am not), and he didn’t get a beach massage in Cuba – so I thought this might be the next best thing. Shan, Miranda and I had visited Scandinave in April and I’ve been wanting to share it with Ed, so that was the second part of his birthday weekend. The weather was glorious, and we were at the spa for 4 hours taking our sweet time with enjoying it all. We steamed and soaked and sunbathed and I spent far more time than is probably good for me in the very cold Nordic Pool. I burned my shins a little in the hot mountain sun, I showed Ed my boobs in one of the hot tubs, and it was a really, really nice time overall. Scandinave Spa is incredible.

Also, I can cross at least half of “buy Ed a rub n’ tug for his birthday” off my Bucket List.

We cleaned ourselves up and headed into Whistler to wander around for the afternoon. Whistler is so very close by, but I hadn’t been there since September of ’06. There was a lot going on in the village, and we spent a few good hours looking around. It was an enjoyable way to spend a delicious Sunday afternoon, but before long we started to get sleepy and we hit the road for home.

That was the plan, anyway – half an hour outside of town I got a text message directing us to the Pemby for Friend Time. I enjoy Friend Time, so we ate dinner with peoples before finally going home to unwind before Monday.

Ed’s birthday isn’t until tomorrow, but I hope he had a good weekend anyway. Happy Birthday and junk, donkey slut. We had good times.

ahoy matey do you want to swab my deck

adventure

This was my Saturday afternoon:

I love the West Coast.

 

the most fun ever

I’ve been writing in some capacity for almost 25 years, and I STILL haven’t figured out the art of making an unpleasant task sound completely awesome.  My new project at work is to build a company wiki from scratch (I have an unsettling feeling that my boss has many conversations that go “hey, that job sounds overwhelming and impossible – I know, we’ll give the project to Kimli!”), but I’m just driving the boat – other people get the glory of copying and pasting hundreds of HTML articles to the Sharepoint Wiki; an unholy crotch spawn of traditional Wiki markup and vomitous MSO code with a ham-handed WYSIWYG editor with the temperament of a cranky 3-year old coming down from a sugar high thrown in for good measure. It’s an arduous, unforgiving task – and I have to convince the other 103 employees in my company that doing it is not only mandatory, but super fun and fulfilling and will make them better lovers with enormous genitals that will be the envy of friend and foe alike. It must be done, though, and I can’t do it myself for a number of reasons; the most pressing being that I have exactly 24 days to deliver a complete, brand new employee manual written in the style of my blog but also containing the legal necessities to cover the organization in case of personnel misconduct. And I’m not allowed to swear.

Why me?

Oh, right – because I love this stuff, and I’m not happy unless I have huge challenges to tackle.

Better get started, then.

who’s laughing now

Ever since the dawn of Esther, I’ve hidden her disguise in plain sight – taped to the side of my desk. No one can predict emergencies, and I like to be prepared for anything. My coworkers find this absolutely hilarious – what do you mean, you have an emergency mustache? What situation could possibly arise that you would need such a thing? Kimli is so weird! and so on and so forth, with ODB (my old boss) taking particular delight in the hilarity of it all.

This has been going on for months – just shy of a year, actually.

And then today, this happened:

ODB: Do we have any coloured paper?

Me: I think we have some bright orange around here somewhere; leftover from the donut project.

ODB: No, I need some black paper. Any ideas?

Me: Nope, we have none .. what do you need black paper for, anyway?

ODB: For the Mexican Kaboozle* this afternoon! I think we should all MYOM – Make Your Own Mustache! We need black paper for mustaches!

Me: … mustaches, like THIS? *pulls out Esther’s mustache from the side of my desk* I KNEW having an Emergency Mustache would come in handy! You laughed at me, remember? But I am prepared – I already HAVE a mustache here, JUST IN CASE!

ODB: ………..……………………….

YEAH. SUCK IT. I WIN. EVERY WEIRD THING I DO AT THE OFFICE IS NOW JUSTIFIED FOREVER.

i am the one who is laughing now

I am so deliciously smug!

*: We have parties on the last Friday of every month – this month’s theme is Cinco de Mayo, hosted by one of the Ops teams. Last month was my team’s party, and we did the Office Space one. My work is awesome.

creature of habit

I am a simple creature; a creature of habit. When I find something I like – be it a colour or routine – I adopt it fully and make it mine. I rarely, if ever, variate from this path – why should I? I know what I like.

For instance, I like Diet Coke. I also like the fact that McDonald’s is running their annual summer drink promotion – all fountain drinks and iced coffees, any size, for only $1. I like that I live in a McDonald’s parking lot, because it means I can indulge my habit several times a day – which I DO. In fact, I go to “my” McDonald’s 5 or 6 times a week – not because I am trying to become the world’s fattiest Kimli, but because I really, really like $1 Diet Coke. I go there a lot, okay. I know all the drive through employees by sight, if not by name – and they know me too, because I guarantee I am the only funny-looking Asian on a black scooter dressed all in red who comes through every damn morning just for a large Diet Coke and nothing else. I am the Diet Coke girl. It’s what I do. I KNOW you know me; you chastise me when I don’t come around for a few days and ask where I’ve been.

So WHY would you think that I wanted a large COKE this morning? I have never, ever, EVER ordered Coke. Like polka-dotted clockwork, I am there every morning at 8:45am to get my large Diet Coke for $1.12. I have never deviated from this routine, and I never will. I need you to figure this out – see the pattern; grasp the modus operandi – and realize that I am there for Diet Coke, NEVER regular Coke. I need you to step it up. I need you to realize what I am there for, and give me the correct thing. PLEASE. I BEG you.

Get with it, McDonald’s Monica who works weekday morning shifts in drive thru. You make me shake my head in sadness and disbelief.

charge fully before motorboating

This is me yesterday afternoon at 4:

hairbrushes are for the weak

I’m not normally that pink, but you get the idea.

This is me at 10am this morning:

hair: i haz less of it

I cut off most of my hair yesterday because I was bored. Well, *I* didn’t cut it – Michelle at East Vanity Parlour did. But I told her to! So that counts, right?

Everything is better with USB:

USB 2.0 and 0 calories

This is just awkward, though:

it's so clunky now

I admit it – my boobs are cybernetic:

i charge them nightly otherwise i have no cleavage

Gotta go – lunch time.

this explains why my muffin was $24.99

i’m for sale

Vancouver is very smelly today. My commute to work was full of feathers as I was stuck behind, between, and downwind of not one but THREE Chicken Death Trucks. I hate those things – I feel terrible for the chickens, guilty for finding them delicious, repulsed by the smell, and thoroughly depressed if I spend too much time thinking about their fate. I prefer to imagine my food coming from magical meat trees, so no animals have to suffer so that I might be nourished. I should probably be a vegetarian, but I’m honest enough to know that I’m simply too lazy (and I really, really like meat).

So hey, you know my Heart Shaped Blox? They’re proving to be kind of really popular – so much so that they’re now available in a friggin’ retail store. You can buy Heart Shaped Blox at Favourite in Lonsdale Quay! How cool is that? I’ve never officially been for sale before! It’s all thanks to Heather, who was wearing her necklace when she stopped into the store last week – the owner asked her about it, and Heather set up a meeting for me to peddle my wares. Heather is officially my craft agent, and between her, Donna and Sam, I am a busy LEGO lass.

I’ll be at Car Free Day on June 19th with Blim, so come by and check out the new colours. I’m also working on a website to keep track of the pieces I have – the plan is to come up with an online ordering system that allows you to choose your own colour combinations. Red hearts are all fine and good, but what if you want bright red and black? Yellow and white? Blue and green, to support the Canucks? I can totally do that. Email me at kimli at delicious juice dot com if you’re interested, or sit tight and wait for the website. I have COLOURS! Hooray!

I need to do some cram crafting, STAT!

la habana

I had been looking forward to visiting Havana for a long time, and on Thursday – Shan’s birthday – we took our day trip into Cuba. It was a guided tour, which I wouldn’t normally enjoy – but except for the times when my head hurt and I wished the talking man would not talk quite so much, I was really glad for the information. I didn’t know anything about the city, after all, and I wouldn’t have learned anything beyond “hey, pretty buildings” if not for the guide. Still, when I go back, I’m going to pull a Darren and arrange an escape from the group so I can spend a night or two in the city on my own, because Havana. Is. Amazing.

I loved the city – there’s so much history there! Vancouver is just an embryo compared to Havana. There’s even a section called “Old Havana”, so you know it’s really, really old. Wikipedia says it was founded in 1519, so the city is almost 500 years old. That’s old! 125? Not old! Even New Havana is older than Vancouver, and therefore not filled with hideous but useful towers and skyscrapers. I am not a fan of Vancouver’s “everything is new and shiny” style of architecture; it’s one of the reasons I would live in Seattle if I could – so it was completely awesome to wander the streets and alleys of Old Havana and marvel at the gorgeous history of it all.

Unfortunately, Ed and Josh didn’t make the trip into town with us: Ed was feeling really sick and didn’t think he could make it through the bus ride. I was (really really) disappointed, but I didn’t want to let it sour my fun because I had been looking forward to it for so long. I left him to his own devices at the resort, and we were off: a visit to the rum museum, a walking tour through Old Havana, lunch, a bus tour of New Havana, a tour of a cigar factory, and a trip to a market so we could spread our capitalist wealth around a little. I like all of those things, so you can guess how excited I was to be off on a bona fide Adventure with a bold neon 96pt capital A.

It might be because I’m full of tacos or because I want to keep some of the trip inside my head, but I don’t really have the words to go through the 900+ pictures I took. So, you should just look at some of them instead. They are pretty. There are more Cuban pictures up on my Flickrs, but these are of the city that is amazing and you should go there if you can. In fact, you should come with me. I’m going around the same time next year. Start saving!

mostly better

If I had been thinking, I’d have added this follow up picture to my hideous post below. Still, better late than never:

it's a pre-rapture miracle!

It’s a little dry, but there seems to be no permanent scarring from the horrible blistering. Hooray! The Lesbian Tattoo lives on!

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