Everyone knows the image of Che Guevara worn by “cool” people who rarely know anything about the man on their shirt or the sheer irony of the statement they’re making, but today was the first time I’d ever seen it taken to this level:
i .. um .. WHAT??!
I can’t even count to the number of levels of confusion this shirt brings me. It’s a big number. I may need an abacus.
I’m not sure whether to be amused or horrified that my job contains actual InfoPath emergencies.
At any rate, I am BEYOND AMUSED that my bad influence seems to be spreading throughout the company. I just received a template for an internal document that includes things like:
Recent Issues
What are our objectives?
.. snort. This is the first time I’ve seen Kimli-like ridiculousness in a document that I didn’t create. I tip my bonnet to you, good sir.
Ed has a cold, and I either have it – am getting it – or am mutating it into an all-new disease that will spread like wildfire and doom 99.4% of humanity, and no amount of movies starring Dustin Hoffman can stop it. While Ed is full of mucous and grossness, I am beyond tired, beyond listless, beyond Thunder Dome. I’ve been getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night and sleeping straight through except for when glass shatters in my bathroom at 3am, but I am so achy and out of it that I must be germ-laden and about to be declared Patient Zero for something horrible. Maybe they’ll name it after me. I’m not satisfied with my 15 minutes of fame coming in 10-second chunks; I want my name to be synonymous with something. Sure, I’d prefer that “the Kimli” mean something great rather than a disease that kills you all, but I’ll take what I can get. I want a Wikipedia entry.
Wait, what was I talking about?
I’m so tired.
zzzzzzzzzz
This bacon is inedible:
gross.
This is glorious bacon:
yummy yum yum
Disgusting:
barf.
Wonderful:
brava! bellissima!
I like my bacon so crispy it breaks when you look at it. Floppy greasy moist bacon is a crime against the pig that died to provide it.
Discuss.
Longest long weekend ever. I’m almost glad to be back to work, if only because I can snooze a little while editing stuff – I’m tired. Is it Friday yet?
The weekend was non-stop, starting on Thursday evening. We had a great visit with Ed’s parents, who were duly impressed with both Sparta and the sparkling cleanness of it all. We went everywhere (including the middle of the ocean) and ate out so much I am kind of sick of food, but it was cool to hang out with them and show them all our favourite places. Hopefully it won’t be three years until the next visit!
An update on Lola: I did get her back before we left for Seattle last week, and she’s riding so much better. It’s awesome to have her back, especially since the weather has been just incredible – okay, I’ve been too busy to actually DO much riding, but at least I can dream about it. Plus, I have no real plans this weekend so I plan to do a lot of riding if this weather holds out.
So, there’s that. Of course, not everything went as planned: both the shop and Piaggio USA (who took over for Vespa Canada when it disappeared) refused to honour the warranty. We had to pay $670 out of pocket to get her back, which is less than we had expected the bill to be but still $670 we shouldn’t have to pay at all. My only recourse at this point is to go after Costco Canada, which I will be doing this week. I hate this – I am no good at Going After people, even if I have a valid case to make. I’m bummed that neither organization was willing to step forward to even meet us halfway on the cost of the repair, which I would have been satisfied with, in the name of customer service or being at least apologetic for the situation.
Anyone know how to get in touch with anyone at Costco who’d actually have the power to help?
sploooooosh
It took almost 20 years, but I’ve finally seen something so terrible online that I’m throwing in my jizz rag and quitting the internet:
JESUS CHRIST WHY WOULD YOU EVER SAY THAT TO SOMEONE YOU ENORMOUS CREEPY ASSWAD
You’ll have to pretend that there’s an Instagram picture in there, a self portrait of some girl’s thong-clad ass. Apparently camwhores are up with the times and no longer lurk on Geocities or Penis Chat Roulette, but instead use current photo sharing tools to take self-serving pictures at deceptively flattering MySpace angles so random-ass creepers will fawn over them. Of course, there’s fawning and then there’s .. that. It made me do a full body shudder. I can’t think of a single thing you could possibly say that would be less erotic when faced with someone’s ass and/or labia. I quit the goddamn internet*. Happy now? You win.
*: until tomorrow :P
Ed’s parent are on their way over from Edmonton for their very first visit to Sparta. We’ve spent the week cleaning, but went into a full throttle panic blitz this morning: floors were mopped, tubs were scrubbed, decorative rugs were thrown over stains. I took the opportunity to do some rearranging as well, and moved/consolidated/recycled/tossed a great deal of stuff from the huge shelf next to my desk. I even went through my closet and drawers and collected three bags of clothing to donate, and another two bags of books/school supplies. The gay porn has been relocated to the bedroom, the sex toys hidden in furniture, and the flogger and paddle obscured by a conveniently hanging jacket. We’re almost ready for parents! All that’s left to do is shower (scrubbing is sweaty work), take out the garbage, and drop off the donations.
The weather looks like it’s going to behave for the long weekend, and we’ve got some fun things planned. I’m looking forward to this visit – I haven’t seen Ed’s parents in way too long because they don’t come out here often and I am still boycotting Alberta for existing. Plus, we want to show off our place that they helped us buy – I’ve been bugging them to come out for almost two years, and they’re almost here! Yay!
I’m feeling pretty good about myself, actually. Not only is my bathroom a sparking triumph of bleach and soap scum remover, but I finished the complete 3rd draft of the new employee manual at work and dropped it off on my boss’s desk. I had a sudden burst of inspiration yesterday at 4pm and added an additional six pages of content and a fancy cover, and I am ridiculously pleased. Here’s hoping it’ll only need some minor tweaks (our new CEO threw a wrench into sections 2 and 7) and I can get with the launching already. Accomplishment! I haz it.
I’m not one to normally covet furniture, but every time I see this I want it more:
want. want want want.
This is what I would look like if I was furniture. It’s GORGEOUS and on sale and completely ridiculous and oh man I think I might have to start saving up for it because it is just glorious.
Ed is giving me dirty looks because he is cleaning while I am masturbating to furniture, so I’m going to hide in my shiny bathroom and play Jetpack Joyride (which, if you don’t have, means you hate fun).
Renee, sing along with me!
scour the house
flip the wig
shake the tree
scour the house
flip the wig
shake the tree
until your
whereabouts are known to me
I have no idea what a Survival of Covenants is, but it’s in our company Employment Agreement. I really want to rewrite this document as I have our employee manual (now called a Strategy Guide), but seeing as it’s a legal document and all .. well, all I can do is fix the formatting. Hideous formatting offends me, and this official document is officially terrible.
I’m so close to being done the Strategy Guide I can almost taste it. My boss gave it the thumbs up before she left for vacation, and I’m making the final changes before preparing the complete package for full fanciness. I had to take out a few of the more flamboyant sentences, but I was able to keep a lot in; almost enough to keep me satisfied at the level of what the fuck.
On company equipment: .. if your equipment is lost or stolen by pirates, please notify your Team Lead and Desktop Support immediately.
Absenteeism: If you find yourself sick/having child care issues/abducted by aliens/defending your family from the zombie apocalypse, we ask that you a) phone or email your supervisor, and b) email the office.
Lateness: Slept through the alarm – traffic – missed a bus – the aforementioned zombie apocalypse – sometimes your day starts with less than a bang but more of a limp and a whimper.
Maternity Leave: .. are entitled to 52 weeks of leave to bond with your offspring and do non-stop kegels in an attempt to regain strength and some semblance of tightness in your baby dispenser (okay, maybe this didn’t actually make the final cut)
Toronto Office: A significant upgrade from the previous office, the new location has many modern comforts that were missing, such as a sink and the world’s longest whiteboard [citation needed].
Dress Code: We’re an IT company, and we’re well aware of what that means: jeans and a clean t-shirt are considered formal wear. That being said, we’re a little afraid of what might happen if we said “there’s no dress code” – please wear pants. For safety reasons, we do ask that you do not wear cut-off shorts, sweatpants, flip-flop shoes, or asbestos suits. We want you to be comfortable but safe, and there is a lot of pointy equipment around our offices.
Substance Abuse: Please do the sensible thing and don’t show up to work under the influence of drugs, alcohol or the Imperius Curse.
Workplace Conduct: Common sense is king: if you wouldn’t do it in front of your mother, you shouldn’t do it at work. All Team Members are expected to treat one another with respect and dignity, and we will not look kindly on anyone who does otherwise. We maintain a fun but professional workplace, and certain things are just not appropriate. If you need to know exactly what these things are, please see Appendix A for the Ethical Behaviour policy.
So, yeah. I got some fun stuff in there, but it’s still missing something – for starters, there are no Star Wars references. Just a second; gotta fix that —
Okay. Now the table of contents lists a section on our offices in Vancouver, Toronto and Degobah. Much better.
I love having fun with my job!
bah bah bahbah .. bah bah baaaaaah bah bah bahbah bah bah da da da
Um as a complete aside, you need to watch this – this guy rules.
delicious juice dot com 