Last week I gained several Asian Points: I had ramen for the first time, and also acupuncture (not at the same time). These are both Asian things. Half of me is pleased with myself, while the other half really wants some poutine (not necessarily due to my Montreal half but more because poutine was right next door to ramen and I didn’t think having them together was a good use of my time).

Other than trying to be more Asian for fun and profit, my life has been somewhat consumed by JIRA administration. While this may sound like the most exciting life anyone has ever had ever, I am saddened to report that, instead of the supermodels and private jets the words “JIRA administration” conjures up, my life is a fine balsamic reduction of never-ending rage and confusion. Case in point: for the past several weeks, there’s been a system error that’s been filling the logfile with page after page of garbage. I needed to find a different error, but I couldn’t see anything wrong because the log only contained approximately two minutes of detail; such was the severity of the error being thrown. If you had a problem ten minutes ago, too bad for you. There was no room in the logfile for your fuckup, because this other fuckup was too chatty.

There was a lot of back and forth with external support, and we finally got to a point where that particular error wasn’t being thrown. Hooray! Bring on the supermodels and private jets! Except .. well, we fixed the logfile so well that now it’s not capturing anything. The last activity was 5 days ago, and I know things have gone wrong during that time because our JIRA was set up by drunk hamsters working through heartache, so stuff pops up in the logfile all the time.

I now truly understand the meaning of “life is pain”.

Other news: my hair is pink, we’ve decided to keep the Mini even if Ed buys his mid-life crisis car next year, Lemon is doing much better but he’s still being very needy and weird, I had high tea on Saturday for the first time ever and it was super neat,  I rode Lola into work today and it was glorious, I think my left foot is broken, I overdosed on Cheezies last night and I regret my entire life, I have to pee.

Oh, and Delicious Juice Dot Com will be 15 years old on March 30th.

Hooray!

Yeah, salacious titles. Mmm. Can’t get enough.

Lemon, our grumpy middle cat, is very sick. He was fine when we got back from Barcelona, but last Monday he started throwing up all over the damn place. He has a tendency to throw up – usually when he eats too fast – so we weren’t all that alarmed, until we realized that a) he wasn’t throwing up food, it was basically foam and bile, b) he was throwing up nonstop, and c) he wasn’t eating or drinking. We got him into the vet on Wednesday, where they gave him (expensive) fluids and drugs and x-rays. The verdict: kidney issues.

Not just *any* kidney issues, either: the x-ray showed that his kidneys are half the size they should be, most likely due to genetics. Those of you who’ve been around for a while may remember that Lemon’s full name is actually Cream Lemon, the Incestuous Bad Idea Kitten –  his parents were brother and sister. The incestuous origin story was basically all fun and games until now, when we’re learning that there are may be serious repercussions because of his wonky genes. Best case scenario: treat his kidneys as best we can, until the end game. Worst case: we lose out on half of his lifespan because his already-ravaged kidneys can’t handle the additional bad of disease or infection.

We were at the vet three times with Lemon last week, and by Saturday he was so bad I was convinced he wouldn’t be coming home with us. I was a weepy, snotty mess at the vet, but Lemon surprised all of us with an extreme showing of fiest – he would. not. let the vet give him a pill. He took several needles and an IV with purrs and sleepy affection, but when it came time to put something down his throat, he fought back *hard*. It took 15 minutes, 2 vets, 3 pills, and finally a towel-wrapped burrito Lemon before they got the pill into him. On the plus side, Dr. Liz will never ever send us home with pills to give him, now that she’s seen what happens real time.

Since that visit, Lemon has been getting better. He’s been adorably needy throughout this entire ordeal and wanted to be close to or on one of us at all times, but wouldn’t leave the living room. Now, he’s close to normal: running around, jumping on furniture (and my back, a trick he learned from Dilly), going into the hallway to explore, and insisting upon himself: last week he slept on the couch in a stoned haze, but now he follows us at bedtime and takes up ALL THE ROOM. I’m not complaining – I’m genuinely delighted that he’s bouncing back from this. How long this bounce will last is anyone’s guess – he still needs an ultrasound to determine how bad his kidneys actually are, and he may need additional antibiotics if he starts feeling bad again. The vet wanted him in every day, but they’re in North Van and even though Lemon has been saintly throughout all we’ve put him through, the vet visits still stress him out. And since he’s doing so much better, I’d rather keep him at home where he’s safe and happy and ornery, which is my favourite kind of Lemon.

Spay and neuter your pets, guys. Having an incest kitten is funny until he breaks your heart by dying a good 10 years sooner than he should.

When your ego has taken a massive hit, how do you bounce back?

Super Lazy Sunday had the Super Bowl on, not for any sort of love of football but for the ambiance. Ed gave up after the halftime show to play Mech Warrior, and I think I fell asleep because when I woke up there was confetti everywhere and like 20 minutes worth of commercials in a row. After that, however, something called “Legends of Tomorrow” came on, and I started watching it out of curiosity.

Several things you should note at this point:

• I thought I was watching the premiere of the show, because they made such a big deal of it being on after the Super Bowl. We don’t have cable anymore, but still get several local channels thanks to an antenna taped to the side of the wall – so commercials and current television are a bit of a mystery to me. Imagine my surprise when I eventually realized this was the 4th episode, which explained the lack of character introduction.
• I really, really dislike the DC Universe. I am a Marvel Fangirl through and through, and anything DC-related is generally met with a giant sneer of derision because it’s all dumb. Even you, Batman. I’m tired of you.

Okay, so I’m watching what is clearly DC’s version of Agents of SHIELD until my attention wandered so I muted the TV. Ed surfaced around this point, and started asking me questions – who’s that? What’s his deal? Can I touch your butt?, etc. Based on what I know about the DCU, I tried to answer his questions: LoT clearly stars Alias Man, with the super power of nagging Token Black Kid from inside his head. That’s Superman, but he’s in disguise as millionaire playboy genius philanthropist DC Tony Stark. Over here is Prison Break 1* and 2, Blonde Bird, and Not-Rosario-Dawson, and they’re all led by a British Time Lord known as Dr. When. They went back in time to retrieve the Eye of Sauron, but were caught by the Stereotypical Soviet Science Squad. OH NO!

I think I did pretty good.

*: I kinda like Sneering Wentworth Miller. Too bad his character is a reformed bad guy who shoots a cold ray and calls himself “Captain Cold”. Classic DC character creation!

Okay, time to make popcorn.

It’s an auspicious day here in Vancouver, as every single social problem – housing, hunger, drug abuse, resources for those at risk – has been solved!

At least, that’s what I assume has happened .. otherwise, why else would a church have the available funds for multiple high-profile billboards in the city, promoting themselves? Surely it means there isn’t a single thing they could spend the money on that would, as per their own missions and that of that book they follow, help those in need. And that’s great! They’ve successfully solved the housing and hunger problems in the city, so they can spend the extra money on advertising! A job well done, chaps!

.. this has been bugging me for a while. Billboards are not cheap. Wouldn’t all that money spent on not just one or two but a whole lot of giant posters be better spent actually helping people? You say you want to spread the word. What’s more effective, do you think? Huge ugly advertising along busy streets and in bus shelters, or actual shelters for those who need them? How do you compare the number of hearts or minds you might change by showing a picture versus the impact you could have by, oh I don’t know, actually doing as Jesus did and reaching out to your fellow man?

I don’t get it, and it bothers the hell out of me.

this is helping.

January is a terrible month for a lot of people, myself included. It’s been a little rough around these parts – Ed has some sort of Mysterious Illness that is like the heartburn equivalent to last year’s Not Asthma, and I’ve been elbow-deep in misery for a variety of Reasons, some even based in reality. However, tomorrow is the start of another month, and I’m looking to get past these winter blahs and into some Epic Adventure.

Things are looking up ’round here, though. Ed is slowly getting better thanks to some timely medication and cutting back on the intravenous drug use, and the things that were hanging over my head have taken a turn for the great, with the best possible outcome. Stuff is getting good again, and even though I don’t own holographic glitter lamé pants (I’m writing this while half-watching the NHL All-Star game), I am pretty excited about what the rest of 2016 may hold.

For the past several months, I’ve been really unhappy at my job. I didn’t have enough to do, and although I continually pestered people for work, there just wasn’t any that could be readily handed off to me. While some people may enjoy being paid to do absolutely nothing, I find it discouraging and exhausting. I like being proud of the work I do, and when there’s nothing .. well, you kind of lose any sort of passion for being awake from 9-5, Monday to Friday. Things came to a head over the last couple of weeks, and I was ready to throw the towel in and look for another job. I even posted as much on Facebook, while taking care to hide the post from people I worked with (or so I thought). As I worked on my resume and looked for things I might want to do outside the nest, I got a little cocky in my despair: I wrote an email to the VP of another team at work, and basically demanded to be put on his team to cover a bunch of things I knew needed doing. The VP talked to the CTO who talked to my boss who talked to the VP, several goats and chickens and a bag of tobacco were exchanged, and as of last Friday I am officially on a different team at work; one with things for me to do. I have to attend meetings! And DO THINGS! This pleases me greatly, because I was so fucking bored and miserable. It was nothing against my boss, he’s great – but it’s a “finding your fit” thing. It took me much longer than usual (and not for lack of trying) to find my fit, but I think we’re there now. I am looking forward to being challenged again, and maaaaaaybe doing a little less online shopping.

I went for coffee with my department’s HR rep last Thursday, and I found out I’m not nearly as clever as I thought I am – the Facebook post I made putting feelers out for another job definitely made it back to management, and apparently it freaked them all out. Certain people were told to FIX IT (meaning my despair), so when I went ahead and proposed a solution that would make me happy, it was agreed to with great speed. This makes me shuffle my feet and go “aww, shucks”, but I’m secretly tickled that people were worried I would leave. Even though I didn’t see any value in the few things I did, others apparently thought differently. That’s nice! I know I undervalue my skills a lot, but it helps a hell of a lot to get some validation that your work IS noticed, even if you feel there isn’t enough of it. That’s already started to change, though, and I’m super glad to have areas to own again. Feeling like I’m contributing and making a difference is crazy important to me, and when you get to do that with good people .. well, it makes for good times.

The last few days have been pretty great, actually. I found my son in Fallout 4, a group of us went to the Shameful Tiki Room to celebrate Renee’s new fancy job last night and we got excellently drunk (after which we successfully hunted down some delicious cake). Today, I was King of Castle Sensible for a mighty reign, I made some delicious popcorn, and John Scott scored twice. We will be debt-free in less than two weeks, we’re going to friggin’ Barcelona in 19 days, and I like my haircut. That’s some good shit, yo. Everything’s coming up Milhouse.

so sayeth your royal majesty, me

Does anyone remember the short-lived CBS series “American Gothic” that aired in 1995? It was creepy as hell, and to this day the phrase “someone’s at the door” gives me pee shivers of fear (instead of pee). No one I ever mention this to has any idea what I’m talking about (which is basically the story of my life), so I have to make my own fun with references. Anyway, I was having a conversation with a co-worker when he saw my phone ring and said “someone’s at the door” and then Gary Cole showed up and was all menacing at me and possibly the devil and now my day is just shot to hell. TO. HELL.

Other random thoughts for this grey, resolved Monday:

• I’m getting real sick of your shit, Preston Garvey. I’ve got him stashed at Tenpines Bluff, and last night he TWICE was all “another settlement needs our help! there are ghouls at Tenpines Bluff, you have to save them!” and I’m all “bitch we are AT Tenpines Bluff how about you get your damn trench coat out of the mutifruit bushes and KILL THOSE GHOULS YOURSELF oh man you are so useless no wonder everyone hates the Minutemen” (I have many conversations at the television, most of which involve me mouthing off to NPCs)
• The only thing worst than Preston and his settlements that need “our” help: the Brotherhood of Steel, flying around in their fancy helicopters that can be brought down by a mean glare and their lack of being any help whatsoever
• I finally saw the new Star Wars on Saturday night and it was awesome. I managed to remain mostly spoiler-free before going in, so everything was a pleasant and/or heartbreaking surprise. I enjoyed the novelty of a bad guy who can take off his mask when he wants to “rap” or “get real” with people, was appropriately terrified by the impotent-with-rage ginger, think the Big Chair guy is compensating for an awful lot, and want a remote-controlled BB-8 NOW.
• The only thing I had seen Poe in previously was this, which made things pretty funny inside my head
• Our next adventure is in 39 days and I am excite
• I am also homesick for London
• Which is weird
• The TV we ordered on Black Friday arrived on Saturday and it is big and intimidating
• Ed: “.. we could have gone bigger”
• Me: *cough*

Right. Back at it, then. So busy! So much to do!