lions gate from both sides
Top photo taken from Cypress Mountain on Saturday morning; bottom from the Vancouver Lookout on Sunday afternoon (and not in 1975, as the filters want you to believe).
ADVENTURE! It’s good times!
both sides
Category Archives: everyday kimli
my only regret is that i have boneitis
Sometimes I think I have this whole “adult” thing under control. Today, for example: I made it to work on time, appropriately dressed, and ready to tackle a full day of Important Business Things. I made lunch plans with a co-worker, shifted a few paradigms, and revolutionized outside the box – all hallmarks of being a Successful Grownup with a Real Job.
Then I reach into my pocket for my phone in a meeting, and pull out Psyduck.
psyduck uses zen headbutt!
I give up. If anyone needs me, I’ll be under my desk playing with my toys.
super convenience
In our household, I manage the bills. Money comes into our account via paycheques or shady off-shore dealings and money laundering (so clean!), and once a month I log in and pay utility bills for the month. I don’t mind doing this, and it allows me to stay on top of our finances and also sleep at night without worrying that our internet is going to be turned off because someone who isn’t me has a laissez-faire attitude towards Big Business and due dates.
I recently was convinced that paying bills manually was so Sense and Sensibility, so in an attempt to be future-tastic I decided I would convert all our utilities to a pre-authorized withdrawal from our account so I could sit back and enjoy the finer things in life like fish eggs and dirt fungus fed to me by well-oiled men with excellent muscle definition and minimal clothing. The automatic payments were easy to set up with few exceptions (two accounts that only allow for the minimum payment or the entire balance, neither of which work for me), and I was ready to begin a life of techno-leisure.
.. until today, when I decided to check up on things to make sure everything was still ready to go. Oh, all the accounts are set up properly and there is no suspicious activity on anything (those brothel charges were mine), but I’m a closeted control freak: when I pay the bills, all the bills are paid by the 15th and I don’t have to think about it until the following month. On this brand new fangled “pre-auth” system, the payments come out of the account WHENEVER THEY DAMN WELL PLEASE which means I now have to actively keep track of when money needs to be available so things don’t get complicated. So, old system: 10 minutes of work a month. New system: spreadsheets, multiple account logins, actual budgeting, and stress. HOW IS THIS BETTER? The future SUCKS!
As advanced and space-age as the future is what with all the jetpacks and vacuum tubes and tiny hand computers, some things are still stuck in 1963 and are very slowly trying to catch up with the rest of the world. Unfortunately, until they take that huge leap to “completely useful” and not “hey, we’re trying”, some things should probably remain in the past. I suppose I should be glad that I don’t have to resort to paying things by cheque (Apple, I’m looking at you – seriously, what the fuck) or actually step foot into a meatspace bank (except on payday, because I get adorable paper cheques from work every two weeks-ish and my bank doesn’t have the “take a picture with your phone” thing). I’m still annoyed, though. My old system was so EASY and now I have charts. Not the good kind of charts (flow), either – the bad kind, with numbers and non-delicious pies.
Now I want pie. Can I afford pie? I think I have a pie spreadsheet.
gooooooooooooooooooal(s)
I started 2013 with some pretty specific goals, and pretty much failed all of them spectacularly. My triumph is not that I got one or two things done, but that I did SO BADLY at accomplishing anything at all. This may be taking the “celebrate your failures” mantra a little too literally, but let’s hear it for all the things I foolishly thought I’d do last year:
While looking for my 2011/2012 goals post, I realized I didn’t actually write one: I was too stressed out about losing my job before NYE, and dealing with the aftermath of my cookie adventure in the days that followed. As a result, I completely forgot about my “what I did/what I want to do” post, which is probably for the best: it would have turned into a huge freakout about not having a job and my only goal would have been to fix that immediately. In April, I did just that – did it most spectacularly, actually – and the rest of the year was a great deal of fun, including my much-desired trip to London 2.0. Now that 2012 will draw to an official close in just under 9 hours as of this writing, what do I hope to accomplish in 2013?
- MORE. ADVENTURE.
Nope. Didn’t happen. In fact, 2013 was remarkable in that it was the least adventuresome year I’ve had in DECADES. I didn’t travel. I didn’t get arrested. I didn’t go anywhere new and exciting – I didn’t even go places that are old and exciting. As far as I can remember, nothing happened. I spent all of 2013 staring at a wall.
- MORE. BONERS.
This also didn’t happen, but not for lack of trying. Frankly, I would have been happy with more boners OR more adventure, because more boners would be an adventure unto itself. The same can’t really be said in reverse – I mean, it could, but I can only think of a few examples .. actually, scratch that. My main example was “go see Puppetry of the Penis”, but that does not feature boners only flaccid stretchy dongs. Doesn’t count.
- Continue to kick ass at my job.
Well, I’m still here. There were definitely moments last year where I thought “YEAH I ROCK WOOOOO GO TEAM AWESOME”, but I ended the year in a slump and I don’t feel as Xena as I have in the past. We’ve currently got a lot of downtime, and I’m always happier and more productive when there are Things Happening.
- Get promoted.
This is something I actually did. I had originally set my sights on being promoted to Senior Tech Writer, but I actually made a bigger jump than that: I got promoted to a brand new team. My current title is “analyst” (complete with quotation marks because I don’t think it really fits what I do and I’m definitely not being paid “analyst” money). So, I guess I can cross this one out. Go me.
- It would be pretty lofty of me to wish for time in London for a third year in a row (but oh how much do I want to be back in London – SO MUCH), so I will aim for something a little more this-continenty in 2013: it’s been way too long since I’ve been to Portland. Also, I would really like to do New York again for realz (without the crazy casting schedule and death in the family this time).
None of this happened. No London, no Portland, no New York. Our vacation plans were repeatedly scaled back until they were non-existent, which has a lot to do with my current mental state.
- Seriously, more adventure. That means getting out of the house more; leaving my comfort zones. I want to see and do new things, meet and do new people, have excellent times that result in epic blog posts (or better yet, the dreaded bullet point cop-out because too much went on to paragraph it all up). Fun: I want to have it.
I had some fun last year, but fun is one of those things you can never get enough of. I’ll always want to have more fun. It gets harder as we all get older, because by 7pm we’re all “whoa it’s so late time for bed”, but I think we can squeeze more enjoyment out of every day activities if we try.
- More scooting. The arrival of the Minibator meant I didn’t do nearly as much scooting this year as I have in years past, so 2013 will be a good time to fix that.
Didn’t happen. If anything, I did LESS scooting thanks to that incident with the police and the huge traffic ticket and all. Paranoia set in, and then Bad Things happened and I wasn’t able to retake my skills test, and then the year ended.
- Um .. eat more veggies, I guess.
I guess this one happened – we eat enormous spinach salads pretty regularly, and nothing will ever get between me and delicious lovely tomatoes.
- Be happy!
Don’t ask, don’t tell. For the most part, I was happy in 2013. Sometimes I was even giddy. However, the majority of the year (from June 28th onward) was really fucking shitty, and right now I am in a foul, foul mood which is colouring my review of 2013. Ask me when I’m in a better mood and 2013 will still have been terrible, but with some good parts here and there. At the moment, I want 2013 to die in a fire and also to smash some barrels or crates or furniture.
So, what about 2014?
- Travel: I’m going to London. In June. This is a no longer up for debate – I’ll go by myself if I have to, but in June I’ll be 8 hours in the future and my Instagram feed will be delightful.
- Riding: Even though Ed is a big dumb jerk who sucks, I am going to get my Class 6 license this year. If all goes according to plan, I’ll have it before summer, and then I will spend all non-London time on two wheels, going both near and far (hopefully far).
- Kittens: I’m getting a kitten. I want a kitten RIGHT NOW (it will do wonders for this black mood I’m in), but I see the logic in waiting until After London. I’m looking to adopt a very specific kind of kitten, so we’ll see what happens – all of the adoption sites I look at don’t have the kitten for me, but should I find one, all bets of common sense are off.
- Since I’ve conquered the world of promotions, I sure would love to conquer the world of getting a raise.
That’s really about it. It feels like I’m limiting my goals/wants to things that I know will happen so I won’t be disappointed, but maybe that’s just my Bad Mood Cynicism talking: things like fun and adventure and job satisfaction seem really far away right now. I have high hopes for this year and the future, but right now I’m stuck in a slump and can’t find a ladder, and things just keep being needlessly difficult and it’s awfully frustrating. I don’t even have a high point to end this post on. I hate doing the huge downer/first world problems/#fml thing, but goddamnit: stuff sucks. Especially today. I’m going to go home and crawl into bed and cry.
Tomorrow I will be positive no matter what, just to see if helps.
the future of healthcare
GUYS the most awesome thing just happened!
I’m three days away from being completely out of crazy pills, and I am far, far too lazy to go to the doctor to get a new prescription. I know it’s my health and putting on clothes is really a small price to pay for some of that sweet sweet Canadian health care, but it is seriously a huge pain in the ass to get done – an hour+ out of my workday, a random doctor who doesn’t really care (“are you sure you’re not just depressed because you’re fat?”), having to convince someone new each time that I’m not six years old and can handle more than thirty days of medication at a time, and so on and so forth. I’ll gladly (well, maybe not gladly but you get the point) go see a clinic doctor if something else is wrong – say, I’ve grown a third head or my kidneys fell out – but the amount of hassle for a routine prescription really gets my goat.
SO! Instead of promising myself I’d go to the clinic tomorrow or maybe Friday but FOR SURE before I completely ran out of meds, I decided to give Medeo a try. Medeo is an online health care system that allows you to see a licensed BC doctor right from your computer or smartphone, and it is completely awesome. I signed in today for an appointment, and was immediately talking with a super-helpful receptionist. She took some information from me then booked me in for an appointment: in 20 minutes I could talk to a doctor, and all I had to do was keep the window open. I was able to keep working (aka sending dirty tweets and arranging a trip to Seattle) while waiting to see the doctor instead of idly leafing through outdated fashion magazines and glaring at the clock; a pleasant change.
My appointment time came and I checked in, spoke briefly with the receptionist again, and was talking to a doctor a minute later. I had already provided my BC Care Card number and preferred pharmacy, so after chatting for a few minutes the doctor filled my prescription and sent it right over to the pharmacy – I can pick up my meds later today. The doctor also offered to help me find a regular family doctor, and when I told her about my current IUD issues, referred me to a local doctor on Broadway and Cambie who is “the best IUD insertion specialist in all of BC”. Both the receptionist and doctor I spoke with today were crazy awesome, and I couldn’t be happier with the speed and service and amazing convenience of Medeo. Seriously, if you’re in BC, give it a try*. So cool.
Oh! And I just checked my Medeo account, and the doctor’s notes are already there complete with my prescription, where it was sent and when I can get it, the info on getting a regular doctor, and the IUD Expert’s contact information. This is amazing! I am pleased! And so should you all be pleased, as this means I will continue taking my crazy pills and therefore not go on any kind of rampage anytime soon!
*: Obviously using Medeo is for things that don’t require a physical examination – otherwise I would have taken care of my IUD issue right then and there – so please approach with common sense. Don’t use Medeo if you’re currently on fire or bleeding heavily from the eyes or you’ve fallen and can’t get up. DO use Medeo if you need a prescription or you have a non-life-threatening medical concern or you’d like to have some tests done (seriously, they can email you the test form and you print it out and go to the lab for various fluid work or exams). Check the website if you’re not sure, or call 911 if you’re on fire. Don’t just go on Twitter. I learned that lesson the hard way.
12 reasons to revolt in 2014
I honestly don’t know which part of this “article” (it’s actually an advertisement disguised as an article; ‘disclosure’ comes by way of a single line stating it’s an “advertorial” at the very bottom of the cluttered page) is the worst, but let’s go through each terrible offence like we’re BuzzFeed:
- “There are jobs! A simple Google search of “tech jobs Vancouver” will show that there are over 1000 jobs on the first website you find.”
The link they provide is to Tech Jobs Vancouver, where there are indeed 1095 jobs listed. However, the job postings are not current: it’s a list of job postings in Vancouver going as far back as 2008. Most of the links are dead. I’m sure you could find a position to apply for out of the list – they’re sorted with the most recent on top – but to say “so jobs! much employed! very work!” using that site as “proof” is incredibly misleading.
hooray for doge!
- “Supply and Demand = Money! The average salary of a Web Developer in Vancouver is around $50,000. The lack of qualified professionals in the job market means this number will only continue to go up. If you’re going to work hard everyday and want to get compensated well, the tech sector is a good one to be in.”
No. No, no, no. Do you know what the salary range for a Web Developer is?:
numbers courtesy of Robert Half Salary Guides
don’t look up your own salary range unless you want to be depressed forever
Ignoring the fact that as Canadians we get screwed in the salary department, the “article” claims that $50k is the AVERAGE salary – which means there are some people making LESS than that. This is not okay, people. Vancouver has the dubious distinction of being named the Most Expensive City in Canada/North American by a number of different publications, and you’re using our devastatingly low salaries as a reason people should work in tech here? That is BULLSHIT, and touting $50k as being “compensated well” only hurts the tech sector you’re trying to staff with superstars. The best tech brains in Vancouver DON’T WORK HERE. They go to the US, or work remotely (for US companies), or leave IT entirely. $50k is not a good salary for a web developer. It’s an insulting salary, and why Vancouver has a “tech talent crunch“: it’s because the salaries here are a FUCKING JOKE.
looking for this? you won’t find it in vancouver. the money, i mean. you can buy green tinted visors anywhere in richmond.
- “Get in quick! Learning to work with new Technology has never been easier – the same applies to getting a job in Technology. You can now become a Software Developer in 8 weeks through innovative courses designed with a rigorous 40 hour per week curriculum. Why spend 4 years when you can get the same thing 16 times faster?”
Again, this entire stupid article is just an ad for the above-mentioned 8-week course, so take it with a mountain of salt. That being said, it’s still pretty insulting to think you can bypass years of education and experience with 8 weeks of cramming in knowledge. All these rotten whippersnappers taking shortcuts and stealing all our $50k/year jobs – it’s just sickening, I tell you what.
surprisingly, code core isn’t associated with the university of phoenix
- “Leave your suit at home!”
This is a petty bitch, but “you don’t have to wear a suit” is a perk akin to “free coffee”: it’s expected.
gpoy at work every damn day
It’s not just the “article” that I have a problem with, actually. There’s more:
- VanCity Buzz deleted all negative or questioning remarks, then closed comments so no one else could chime in
- There was an excellent comment written by “Stephen”, who pointed out all the things wrong with the “article” in a much more articulate fashion than I have here
- It’s gone now
- I later learned that “Stephen” is actually a friend of mine, who works in the tech sector and is brilliant and has excellent things to say and oh is also female, but posts under a guy’s name in order to be taken seriously
- .. in 2014
- what the fucking fuck
tech sector sexism is my favourite flavour of bullshit
So frustrate. I don’t understand how these people can’t see what a huge disservice they’re doing to Vancouver’s tech community. People are undervalued and underpaid and it’s driving the best of the best out of the city in search of not a fortune but an actual fair wage for the work they do. Vancouver’s local tech darlings are cashing in on people wanting to live here so they settle for shit pay, people dazzled by the name so they chalk it up as experience, and people who have roots and can’t simply pack it all up for greener pastures. Those that can leave, do. And then employers bemoan the lack of qualified candidates, and the whole goddamn thing starts all over again.
not even james baxter can fix this overnight
I don’t have any answers. I don’t know how, short of a massive nerd riot, Vancouver will get its head out of the owl’s ass and see there is a huge problem here. I just know that the VanCity Buzz “article” left a terrible taste in my mouth and I couldn’t simply bitch about it in private (or even publicly, since comments were closed) – I needed to share the outrage and also post some gifs (which, in retrospect, are totally annoying – how does BuzzFeed do this every day?).
i don’t wanna leave the city to make a decent salary, but I AM portable ..
Here’s hoping that the addition of Amazon, Facebook, and Twitter to Vancouver is a move to expand markets and create jobs for the talent in this city, and not just a plan to take advantage of our ridiculously low salary “expectations” .. but if I were a betting man, I would have to wear pants a lot more often.
such as this jazzy pantsuit number
Okay, one more just to get it out of my system:
two by two, hands of blue
PS: I know there are fewer than 12 reasons; I was making a reference
PPS: I know numbering isn’t working and everything has “1.” beside it – it’s way past my bedtime and I am too tired to fix that right now
PPPS: sorry about all the gifs; I will leave the BuzzFeeding to the BuzzFeeders in the future
PPPPS: COLOURS OF THE WORLD SPICE UP YOUR LIFE
mmxiii in review
Or: 2013, we hardly knew ye.
2013 was a rollercoaster of moderate highs and crushing lows. A few good things happened, but I’m still reeling from the suck and haven’t been able to truly appreciate all the good: I’m hoping that 2014 will bring some of the happy back into my pants, where things are currently sad and flaccid and small.
January was equal parts inspirational and itchy. I briefly started casting again, but didn’t stick with it because I couldn’t get used to the 5+ person casting crew. I bought sex toys. Work was both ridiculous and fun.
In February I tweeted as Canada for a week. I shared our secret to a happy marriage, and ranted about the minimalists. Was not impressed by self-serving and shady local bloggers. Went to the Aquarium for the first time ever, and bought a membership because it is awesome.
March had many good times, like back-to-back Astronautalis shows, the EMP, and a giant Ferris Wheel, all with my favourite Steph. My American Chris came to visit! Then there were the confounding tax problems, the beginning of what would turn into very Bad Times, and sexist game devs. Finally, the awesomeness that is CATIE appeared, and changed our worlds. Also, boners!
April: Balloons! Poetry! The Mystery of Edith Cornes! Trying really hard to be British by association. Completely forgot about high school. Dove sucks! Started playing Guild Wars 2 out of boredom. Wrestled with Quebec; had many deep thoughts.
May had GO SPORTS, the greatest candy bowl in existence, and brilliant ideas. I spent a lot of time outside, taking pictures of animals. There was a disastrous wardrobe malfunction. People were cranky.
June was the beginning of the end. It started out pretty promising, with a promotion at work and backfired joke. There were some brilliant walks around the city, exploring awesome graffiti and having all the fun there was to have. Unfortunately, June also cancelled our vacation plans, and 2013 officially took a turn for the fucking awful on June 28th, around 2pm.
July: People started leaving. The media did a Bad Thing. Money became so scarce we made a list of backup plans. More people left. Our backup vacation plan was also cancelled, and came with a $276 traffic ticket. Found out I was really, really bad at sleep.
In August, I failed my motorcycle skills test. People were silent on Twitter for stupid reasons. I got rejected by the Mothership, which made me very sad. Played through Gone Home in one sitting, because it is amazing and you should play it if you haven’t already. Missed London dreadfully, made tasty ice pops, cried angry tears of frustration and humiliation (that turned out to be the very first of so, so many). Had my soul stolen on public transit. Received some beautiful words of encouragement from a mysterious stranger.
Attempted to PAX in September, but our plans were killed by Ed getting the flu at the last minute. Moped about it. Looked into getting Botox for my face so people couldn’t so easily see how much I wanted to set them on fire. Dodged sperm like a superstar; made drug analogies. Continued to be angry at work. Laughed at Halloween costumes, and discovered that love really does taste like eggs. Oh, and I didn’t write about it, but I got rejected for a dream job in Seattle. Was very sad, on top of being so very angry at work.
October saw way TMI and a series of open letters. Even though I was reliving every minute of my teenage angst, someone wanted to fuck me for eight hours straight. Started daydreaming about what I want to do for my birthday next year. Wrote a protected post about the ongoing situation at work, mostly to get it all off my ample chest. Agreed to a clean slate and was the best stapler there ever was.
Made my annual November attempt at NaBloPoMo, but only got a couple of weeks in before running out of fucks to give. Went to Victoria for the weekend and took many pictures of animals because that is sort of my thing. Experienced like nine kinds of defeat. Bought a new computer; found out I was going to Chicago the following month.
Rang December in from Chicago, but without my luggage. Managed to get it back the following day, and spent the rest of my time in Chicago working and exploring my heart out. Took one for Team Science! Lost my wallet at the Christmas Market, but got it back the following day in an ongoing trend. Had delicious Maple Taffy! Unintentionally crashed the set of 50 Shades of Grey with Sam. Cheddar died, which broke both of our hearts. Ed started a new job. We tried to get into the swing of the season, but December had just been too hard so we celebrated a very low-key Christmas, followed by a fun NYE in Seattle.
And here we are, at the start of 2014. I’m curious to see what this year will hold for us – there are many things all up in the air, but one thing is certain: I’m going to London this year, and I’m taking some of you with me. Oh, yes. This will happen.
I was glad to see the end of 2013. Nothing has been resolved, but maybe a new year will bring about some new peace. That would be very nice, actually.
i’ll be in my bunk
Ed and I spent New Year’s Eve on the outskirts of Seattle, at the new (as of around noon that day) home of Doug and Ali (official name: Sparkle Castle). The party had a Whedon theme, and everyone came through:
from Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
- Cheerleader Buffy
- Halloween Anya
- Dark Willow
- Oz
- Cheerleader Cordelia
- Giles
from Angel:
from Firefly:
- Malcolm Reynolds
- Inara
- River Tam
- Wash
- Jayne
- Kaylee
- Two by two, hands of blue
from Dr. Horrible:
- Dr. Horrible
- Captain Hammer
- the Pink Pummeler
- Penny
from Cabin in the Woods:
from Dollhouse:
- Dr. Saunders
- Various Dolls
There wasn’t a single duplicate costume or character, and it was SO MUCH FUN. Doug and Ali always throw amazing parties, but this one was all that and more. It was an excellent way to ring in 2014!
I’m on vacation until Monday, so I’m getting away from the computer. I still need to do a 2013 recap (complete with pinpointing the EXACT DATE my year went to complete and utter shit), but right now there is no food in our house so it’s time to do groceries. Here’s to a grand 2014 for everyone!
i solemnly swear i am up to no good
go away, 2013
Is there a word – perhaps a German word – for that thing where, less than two hours after starting your first real vacation of 2013, you realize you’ve caught your husband’s cold and that’s why you’ve been feeling so wretched all day?
I’m saying that word right now.
Get the fuck out, 2013. I hope the door gives you a concussion on your way out.
thanks, nerf
At work, people frequently engage in Nerf battles. I’ve always wanted to join in their reindeer games, but I couldn’t because I am a girl and Nerf guns are for boys only. Luckily, Ed was paying attention this year and for Christmas, got me these:
it’s pink, like my vagina!
The guns (one for me and one for my BFF) come with pink and teal darts, so I know it’s okay for me to use them. Now I can play games with the boys! Hopefully they’ll go easy on me, because I’m just a GIRL!
I shot a pink dart towards the hallway to show Ed I could be fierce and warrior-like with my purple tramp stamped gun. The dart hit the wall and bounced back, landing .. in the kitchen sink. Which was full of water and dirty dishes.
Message received, Nerf: I’ll get back into the kitchen where I belong.
delicious juice dot com 