new

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The fact that a new year has just started is pretty much coincidental – I didn’t start out with any sort of grand resolution to seek out new things in 2013, it just so happens to be January.

Music: My latest obsession is to turn the TV to the satellite radio channels and leave it there for hours. It’s great background music that doesn’t distract from my other obsession (more on that below), and there are no commercials. My constant is the “Rock Alternative” channel, and only once in the past few weeks have I heard something that made me yell at the TV (an absolutely horrible cover of RHCP’s “Breaking the Girl”). Every once in a while I’ll hear something that grabs me by the girl balls, so I use technology to find the song and download it with iTunes credits I got for Christmas. I’m hearing a lot of new music, am newly obsessed with this song, and given the amount of Florence and the Machine I’ve heard lately, I feel like a true hipster. Success all around!

Games: Listening to music on the TV leaves my hands free for what I do with the rest of my time: play Paper Mario Sticker Star on the 3DS. I received it (along with Scribblenauts Unlimited) from Ed, and I’ve been spending most of my waking moments (and some of my sleeping ones) playing it. It’s a surprisingly huge game (or I’m just really used to iOS titles): I’ve sunk almost 24 hours into it so far, and I figure I’m about 3/4 of the way through. I’m enjoying it much more than I did the last half of the last Paper Mario game I played and it’s been almost refreshing to get Nintendo Thumb after all these many years of iPhone Wrist. Fun stuff.

Also, when I DO get Nintendo Thumb, I just grab my iPhone and play my other obsession: The Grading Game for iOS. It’s literally a game in which you have to find spelling errors and grammatical mistakes in a series of student essays, and I am infatuated with it. It’s not perfect – I’ve actually found a mistake in the game that cost me points – but it’s very fun and totally aimed at word nerds like me. The game can be surprisingly difficult (I’m a speed reader and even I have trouble getting through some of the essays in the allotted time AND because I read so quickly I often glance over a word to absorb it without reading the entire thing and therefore skip a spelling mistake I should have caught), but it’s great. And educational. I now know an awful lot about Political Action Committees, for some reason.

Lighting: Ed’s parents gave us some money for the house for Christmas, so we’ve ordered the ottoman that will replace my favourite chair and also picked up a Hue light kit. We spent most of last night playing with coloured lighting, and will be picking up more bulbs (slowly, as they’re friggin’ expensive) to mood light Sparta to our heart’s content. It’s a neat (if pricey) little system, and I can’t wait to do more with it (rave at my house in March!). I kind of want to replace all our light bulbs with fancy ass wireless LED ones, but a) I am not a millionaire and b) we have way too many lamps that require tiny-based Ikea bulbs. The rest, though – soon there will be colours EVERYWHERE. The Lady Cave is next!

Internet: I’ve reactivated my Tumblrs. I post little things there, like pictures or two-line updates, or things that catch my fancy. Feel free to follow me there (especially if you too have a Tumblrs; it’s the one place I will guarantee a follow back), because everyone totally needs yet another place to see my brain juices.

The Rest: This is our one weekend this month without plans, so we’re enjoying it accordingly. Soon I will have a shower and go buy a flash for my camera, and at some point we will need to get groceries. The transition back into work on Wednesday was smooth and fun thanks to the addition of Sam at the office, so the rest of my life is wrist-deep in the status quo at the moment: I’m pleasantly occupied by my many electronic devices, the annoying and extremely inappropriate crush I seem to be developing on someone, and preparing my wardrobe for the eventual return of the sun.

How’s by you?

best of 2012: apps

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I’ve been asked about my favourites, and since I don’t *really* want to clean the house or think about work tomorrow, here are my picks for favourite apps of 2012:

WM

Waking Mars

Release Date: 02/19/12
Universal
Genre: Plants – in space!
Price: $4.99

Waking Mars topped a lot of people’s “Best of ’12” lists, and for good reason: it’s awesome. It’s a very different kind of game brought to you by the fine folks who created the beautiful and haunting Spider: The Secret of Bryce Manor, and has you exploring the vast caves of Mars in what starts out as a mission to locate your missing data bot, and turns into something else entirely. I don’t quite know how to genre this game, but it’s highly enjoyable and one of my favourites.

DA

Devil’s Attorney

Release Date: 10/02/12
Universal
Genre: Turn-based lawyer RPG!
Price: $2.99

Devil’s Attorney was a complete surprise, and I loved it. You play Max, a sleazy lawyer who uses sneaky tactics of questionable legality to defend your clearly-guilty clients. Work your way to the top by taking out witnesses, evidence, and prosecuting attorneys by any means necessary. Add in great voice work, a wholly original idea, and the sleek dazzling veneer of the 1980s and you have a fantastic sleeper hit that deserves all the praise it’s been getting. Also: pimp hat. Can’t lose!

   Jack Lumber

   Release Date: 08/15/12
Universal
   Genre: Canadian Fruit Ninja where the fruit is wood and the ninja is a lumberjack
   Price: $1.99

The only thing that could make this game better is if the developers were actually from Canada, instead of desperately wishing they were. Jack Lumber is a blast, and if you haven’t checked it out yet you are doing yourself a disservice.

 

QQ

QatQi

Release Date: 11/14/12
Universal
Genre: DIY Crosswords
Price: Free

I love word games of all kinds, and the more interesting the better. QatQi is a beautiful DIY crossword style game (there are no clues – build words any way you like) featuring a puzzle for every day of the year, broken out into weeks that get progressively harder from Sunday to Saturday. There’s very little in the way of instruction in QatQi, so it can be pretty confusing at first – but the more I played, the more I wanted to play. It’s definitely worth a look if you’re any kind of word nerd, and it’s free so really you have no excuses.

ST

Spaceteam

Release Date: 11/29/12
Universal
Genre: CHAOS AND YELLING
Price: Free

Oh my god, Spaceteam. The most fun I’ve ever had yelling nonsensical randoms at a group of people, all of whom are yelling equally random things back at me. Spaceteam is a multiplayer game (great with 4 people; fantastic with multiple groups of four people) in which you – the Spaceteam – must successfully navigate your way through the perils of space. You each have a console with different buttons and levers, and you are given a command that must be executed .. but the action that needs to be done could appear on anyone’s console. At the same time, the rest of your team are also getting their own commands that could be on anyone’s screen – and everything has to be done quickly, lest your ship fall apart. Spaceteam is an absolute party riot, and I can’t recommend it enough. SO FUN!

Honourable Mentions:

I play a lot of games, so you don’t have to (but you should).

bring on 2013

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I have a sereis of Year End blog posts that I usually write:

  • A recap of the previous year
  • A final tally of iTunes spending
  • A post revisiting the goals I laid out for myself at the end of the previous year, and what I want to accomplish in the year ahead

While looking for my 2011/2012 goals post, I realized I didn’t actually write one: I was too stressed out about losing my job before NYE, and dealing with the aftermath of my cookie adventure in the days that followed. As a result, I completely forgot about my “what I did/what I want to do” post, which is probably for the best: it would have turned into a huge freakout about not having a job and my only goal would have been to fix that immediately. In April, I did just that – did it most spectacularly, actually – and the rest of the year was a great deal of fun, including my much-desired trip to London 2.0. Now that 2012 will draw to an official close in just under 9 hours as of this writing, what do I hope to accomplish in 2013?

  • MORE. ADVENTURE. (you thought that was going to say “more boners”, didn’t you? well, I do hate to disappoint:)
  • MORE. BONERS.
  • Continue to kick ass at my job. I don’t write about work very often because I’m (still, 7 months in) trying not to jinx things: I really, really, really love my job. The work is fulfilling, my co-workers are amazing, I am continually challenged with interesting things, and I look forward to going into the office each day. I can’t believe that I lucked out in getting this job, and I want to do my damnest to make sure I’m a vital part of the team.
  • So, with above in mind: get promoted. I recently realized that I’ve never actually been promoted in a job – I’ve received raises and new titles and so many more duties, but never an official “you were level 8 and now you are level 9 – gratz!” sort of thing. My current title is “Technical Writer”, so my goal is to be a “Senior Technical Writer”. I have no idea what that entails or what kind of arduous quests I will need to complete, but I would like to do it. In 2013. GO!
  • It would be pretty lofty of me to wish for time in London for a third year in a row (but oh how much do I want to be back in London – SO MUCH), so I will aim for something a little more this-continenty in 2013: it’s been way too long since I’ve been to Portland. Also, I would really like to do New York again for realz (without the crazy casting schedule and death in the family this time).
  • Seriously, more adventure. That means getting out of the house more; leaving my comfort zones. I want to see and do new things, meet and do new people, have excellent times that result in epic blog posts (or better yet, the dreaded bullet point cop-out because too much went on to paragraph it all up). Fun: I want to have it.
  • More scooting. The arrival of the Minibator meant I didn’t do nearly as much scooting this year as I have in years past, so 2013 will be a good time to fix that.
  • Um .. eat more veggies, I guess.
  • Be happy!

.. they aren’t the noblest of goals, but they’re what I need right now.

2012, you started out shaky (literally), but redeemed yourself quite nicely. I can’t wait to see what 2013 has in store!

Happy New Year, y’all! Be safe tonight!

 

 

drumroll 2012

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An accidental nap had me awake at 1am, doing some triple-X hardcore full frontal data entry: I calculated my iTunes spending for 2012. This has become somewhat of a yearly tradition, albeit a sad and weird one – there’s anal retentive and then there’s a Beautiful Mind, and I’m one corkboard away from tracking patterns in string.

Without further ado and clumsy metaphors, I present to you my iTunes spending for 2012:

$606.24 (which is really $573.37 plus $32.87 in tax)

Break it down, now:

2012 Spending

pie charts: the flowchart’s homely cousin

I checked last year’s post and realized I never did get around to adding up all my receipts manually; instead relying on a known-to-be-faulty app to calculate it all up for me (according to the app in 2012 I spent over $1100 and it’s checking the same receipts I am .. and actually, I just realized that it’s checking 2011 AND 2012; it may be more accurate than I thought). I kind of feel compelled to go back and do 2011 now – I want to see if I spent more or less in 2012 (2010 was a banner year in ridiculousness), but my preliminary calculations have me at a hair over what I spent in 2011. I will blame the difference on an upgrade to Mountain Lion and buying TWEWY at full price for both iBig and iSmall – those three alone account for almost $60, which nicely covers this year’s spread.

Hooray for Sunday Night Trend Analysis!

what?

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Mom on an unwed relative: “She never married, you know. She’s the Virgin Mary!”

Mom (who is secretly Swedish) knows about Ikea’s plan to take over the world: “Where’s the pharmacy and medical clinic in the new Ikea? I want to buy sweater.”

Mom tires of wearing head-to-toe leather: “Can I borrow Ed pants? I forgot my jeans so I will wear his.” Incidentally, mom is better hipster than you: she wears a long-sleeved shirt under a short-sleeved shirt under a tank top (and then a vest, and then a floor-length leather jacket). My mother is the matrix.

Mom is down with technology: “You stay here and fax Ed; I need to get my tickets.”

Then again: “Call?” “yes press call.” “Call? Do I press call?” “YES MOM, PRESS CALL” “This call here?” “YES MOM” “Call?” “YES” “Why you getting crabby?”

Mom hits the sauce: “Wine with green label is best. Always buy green label wine, it always good.”

Mom worries about my gangland friends: “Keem there’s nothing wrong with leaving a party if it gets too rowdy, just go home if your friends start fight.”

Mom confuses Ed a great deal: “There sure are a lot of bums!” “Where?” “On the road.” “oh.” “You think that’s the underwire?” ” .. I don’t know”

Mom remembers the 70s: “Is that one of those new LSD candles?”

Mom knows that one guy with the disease: “OH I forgot to leave the bag out for the Canadian diabetic!”

Mom steals a banana: “I told them I have diabetic so I need to eat this banana right now even though we tell kids not to eat the banana.” Incidentally, my mother doesn’t have diabetic, or even diabetes. Her doctor once told her she might develop it at some point (and to her credit, she’s no longer in danger of diabetic) so she took that as “HAVE DIABETIC” and now lives her life as someone who has some weird-ass disease that means she can only drink hot water and eat enormous slabs of chocolate.

We took her to the ferry terminal this morning, and she’s home now. It was a good visit, and I only lost my shit once (as seen above when she tried to make a phone call on my iPhone and failed miserably). Her visits are rough on me because she doesn’t like to DO anything – she “can’t be bothered” to see or learn or experience or do, so we end up doing nothing. She’s difficult to have conversations with, because she doesn’t actually listen to me – I could pour my heart out about everything, and she’d come back with a bizarre non sequitur about the guy across the street that doesn’t smile and that she told off (in her mind). It’s .. hard. I wish I had a mom I could have meaningful discussions with, but I don’t. I have this. And I do the best I can.

oh, mom

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Mom doesn’t trust the law or her brother: “Look out for uncle’s dick!”

Mom needs to urinate: “Mummy has to go pee pee!” *leaves the door open* *pees*

Mom is worried about Tom Cruise: “He’s into a very serious religion. It’s very sad, they’re all rich but can’t find true love so what’s the point money doesn’t make you happy.” *buys $50 in lottery tickets* “I sure hope I hit the big one!”

Mom knows something we don’t: “Those busturds, they’ll kill you with no mercy. Just you wait and see.”

Mom is just like us: “I like that Trader’s Joe. So many stuff!”

Mom needs .. something: “Keem, what is that thing I bought?”

Mom channels Wilford Brimley: “Ever since I got diabetics I can only drink hot water.”

Mom wants either rice, vinegar, or an inhaler: “I want basmatic yogurt!”

Day One is complete.

turkey trauma

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Staring at a naked raw bird is an inopportune time to realize you’ve never roasted a whole turkey before.

I had to REMOVE THINGS. From INSIDE. Where it was wet and slimy and UTTERLY HORRIBLE.

I am completely traumatized by the necessity to manhandle turkey innards, and I don’t think my hands will ever be clean. Next time someone offers me a free turkey, I’m going to say “no thank you” and run away as fast as I can instead of thinking “ooh, free meat!” and planning to cook Boxing Day Dinner for assorted people. It may mean skipping the once-yearly chance for my mother to be proud of me, but if that’s the price I pay to never again have to touch raw guts, it is a small sacrifice to make.

THE HORROR.

Also, my mother is here. Last time I lost her in Ikea; this time I’m planning on taking her to America. This is going to be AWESOME by which I mean oh god help me.

mmxii in review

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I left this post rather late this year, but I haven’t had time to write it – I’ve been pleasantly busy and social instead. I’m officially on vacation now though, and instead of doing the dishes or braving the outside world for some last-minute necessities, I present to you:

2012: the Year that Was

January: Rang in the new year tripping balls; declared 2012 “Year of the Straight Edge” as a result. Recalled being molested by a 4-year-old. Stressed out about not having a job. Visited my mother in Victoria, realized we’re very alike in many ways. Decided not to settle for the first job offer that came along if it wasn’t perfect. Turned down an offer because I wasn’t professional enough. Put up an online portfolio for my tech writing. Had many Serious Discussions with Ed that resulted in my claiming the second room as my office, kicking him out of it. Got rejected. Begged America not to release the krakken.

February: Built a bookshelf; compared Ed’s books to mine. Dropped Lola for the first time ever due to my refusal to accept the laws of physics as actual laws. Foamed at the mouth when asked to do a stupid test online. Rehashed some really bad memories for science. Tried to kill us both via food poisoning. Measured my nipple span. Re-dislocated my shoulder while seeing horses.

March: Confessed that I am a terrible Asian. Realized the potential in my new window sills. Made some terrible puns; still regret nothing. Got a job. Settled into said job. Decided not to go to my high school reunion. Turned my back on chemical hair dye once and for all; began henna’ing with unusual results. Started to have some Grave Misgivings about my new job.

April: SEWED! Ambushed a small child for her cookies. Booked our trip to London! Sewed more! Had Anxiety. Quit my job. Went clubbing with hilarious results. Went to Ucluelet to see Josh and Shan get married! Started my dream job. Asked people to vote for me. Unveiled a flowchart. Played Crazy Mom Bingo. Had pain!

May: Went to the hospital for the aforementioned pain. lol sports! Crossed over to Android momentarily. Raged at scooter parking options. Asked people to stop voting for me. Bought a new (to us) car: a MINI! Diablo 3 launched hooray! Sold my 2012 PAX passes because my friends suck. Officially reviewed my Samsung Behemoth. Went screen printing! More Diablo! Bribed my coworkers into liking me with candy.

June: Drank wine that I actually enjoyed! Wholeheartedly gave in to my new-found debauchery by making Rummy Gummies at work. Got pulled aside for questioning at the border; was angry. Angered the religious right on Twitter; got caught in the crossfire. Showed off the versatility of the fancy blood dessert I was given. Stumbled across a haunted BC Ferry!

July: Read all three 50 Shades books in one weekend on a dare; broke my fucking brain. Fireworks! Birthday party for Heather, complete with Dalek cake! Was angry at the drug store. Got my iPad 3 engraved; sneakily getting around Apple’s censors. Started pimping out cats for adoption. Went to Victoria; fell in love with a goat.

August: Took a mini break from blogging. Watched the Mars Landing with the entire internet. Fell in love with Mohawk Guy with the entire internet. Took my iMac in to the Genius Bar for the first of many visits. Protested the whitewashing of Asians on our money. Was creepy. Made a skirt! Squeee’d at The World Ends With You landing on the App Store!

September: Met a werewolf on the bus. Reunited a lost camera with its owner through Internet Sleuthing. More skirts! Designed a thing, kind of! Got fed up with being bored; drove down to Seattle and back to see Astronautalis play. Waxed poetry about furries in the workplace. Celebrated our ten slash fifteen .. by GOING TO LONDON!

October: Visited Jen and Neil in Oxford! Got sick in London :( Was grateful for Thanksgiving! Missed London. Told some kids to get off my lawn. Had issues with cat food. Had issues with cat. Found out there’s a Rub n’ Tug in my building. Experienced some actual danger too close to home.

November: Contemplated the end. Was betrayed by my kidneys. Did not enjoy my kidney infection one bit. Tried out a Windows Surface tablet; kind of want one. Went to America and then a lemon party! Was a jerk :( Learned the Vespa shop in Vancouver is closing down. Took my iMac in for a replacement hard drive; got it back with broken Bluetooth. Was perversely fascinated by Nick’s Sea Monkeys. Grumpy; made a shirt.

December: Questioned my sexuality. Saw two Astronautalis shows in a row; had an Incident at the Urinal. Split my personality in two. Wasn’t a jerk, even though I wanted to be. Learned I’m really good at drinking! Made a list of things I wanted to do before the End of the World. Finally got my iMac back from the Apple Store. Didn’t murder anyone. Spend the Apocalypse happily falling off the straight edge wagon with my coworkers. Hooray! iMac is broken again! Got it back from the store, again – so far so good.

.. and that’s it, so far. It’s Christmas Eve, my mom is coming over in two days, and I have a very messy house to deal with. We’re having the traditional Christmas Eve Tacos tonight, then going over to Miranda and Reilly’s tomorrow for Friendmas Dinner. No Seattle for New Year’s Eve, but there are numerous parties going on here that will see some interesting pantless times. I am hopeful for inappropriate behaviour and additional Jagerbombs.

2012, you’ve been interesting. I am really looking forward to seeing what you’ve got in store for the remaining week of the year, and what comes next in 2013.

 

are you fucking kidding me

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Anyone who wants to watch me LOSE MY FUCKING SHIT should be at the Metrotown Apple Store in approximately one hour.

My fucking iMac’s display is flickering and going completely black within seconds of turning the machine on. Machine works – I was able to switch all functions to my second monitor before shit died – but I basically now have a very large Mac Mini the size of a 21.5″ iMac.

I am so fucking mad I could punch everything.

FUCK.

applied logic

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I’ve been a gamer for almost 30 years, and in all that time – during the highs and the lows, the giddiness and the crushing depression, the drama bombs and rampant Benedryl abuse – not ONCE have I ever:

If I can do all these things and more on a daily basis for almost 30 years without a single real world fatality, how can you claim that video games are training us to kill?

Enough scapegoating.

Video games do not create killers.